Do you believe in Soulmates?

[Zhen]

I was browsing the game threads and was rather surprised to see Rahdam write...

"I wish I had my soulmate now."

As the vibe here is overwhelmingly cynical a lot of the time - I didn't think many INTJs believed in such a concept...so I've put up a poll.

[RoseRock]

I don't. I believe everyone has more then one "true love" throughout their lives and the concept of soulmates is complete bullshit. Maybe it's just me being cynical and negative. You're pulled to who you're pulled to romantically and physically, and "fate" has nothing to do with it.

[Zhen]

I don't. I believe everyone has more then one "true love" throughout their lives and the concept of soulmates is complete bullshit. Maybe it's just me being cynical and negative. You're pulled to who you're pulled to romantically and physically, and "fate" has nothing to do with it.


I think that's possible too- I think some people think of the concept of soulmate as "one true love" and some people think of soulmates as several people you just "click" with...I define "soulmates" as the latter....maybe I should edit the poll...if it's possible.

But I do believe Fate has EVERYTHING to do with a lot of significant relationships such as marriage. I've just heard and witnessed too many amazing stories...

[Synamon]

If you mean soulmates in the "one person who can meet all your physical, emotional, and intellectual needs for your entire life", then no.

You also brought up fate, I don't believe in that either, everything is a choice.

[rahdam]

"one person who can meet all your physical, emotional, and intellectual needs for your entire life".

That smacks of dependency. Too often people pursue a relationship because they hope that it can make them whole.

[Mette]

I believe we can probably have a number of people in our lives at any given time with whom we feel close, who we believe understand us, who we understand well, and with whom we enjoy spending time. I don't think there's any one person with whom we are "destined" to be for our lives.

Too often people pursue a relationship because they hope that it can make them whole.
Agreed. Relying on someone else to make us "whole" is never going to work. While we can enjoy the company of other people and receive support from other people, the only person who can ever truly meet our needs is ourselves. I believe that hoping that someone else can make us happy is only ever going to end in disaster.

[mkay]

No, in any sense.

[enWTFp]

I'm not sure anymore that people are separate entities anyway. Then the traditional definition of soulmate lacks meaning.

My soulmate is a cloud of electrons. It is distributed among thousands of people out there, who vibrate in one way or another complementary to my self.

When someone creates art and presents it to the world - that's what happens, their soulmate cloud responds.

I'm not spiritual. I am becoming aware that this is based on what we can discover through factual science, and will be soon completely clear. MBTI will help.

Until then many more 'witches' of 'ignorance' will be 'burnt' by the tech-communication crowd.

[BostonIan]

I'll say "yes", and for this reason:

I don't think the word "soulmate" actually means anything. If called a rock a "soulmate" I don't feel that there's a valid referee that could tell me I'm wrong. It isn't a thing, it's more just the sunniest, most delusionally optimistic word you could possibly drape over the man/woman relationship.

Where I'm at in life is that I'm young, hormonally drunk, about to give life-long monogamy a shot anyway, and this site's just recently shown me that not all women are what I thought they were. So, soul-mates? Sure, I'll go with it.

[Harmony]

Why do people instantly tie soul mate to a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing?

I believe you can have a soul mate and not be intimate (physically) with them. I classify my best friend as my soul mate. He's the one person I feel comfortable talking to about anything. He's the one person that can see right through me when it comes to my walls I build up. He's the one person I can trust to give it to me straight. He's the one that seems to know exactly when to call or send me an email.

[dissident]

yes, but I also believe in reincarnation, and all that. It's more popular among the very high N scorers. The beliefs don't require faith, because it's almost like an inborn sort of "awareness" that is there.... that there is more out there then meets the eye.

I do believe that there are souls that we incarnate with that are considered "soulmates" though they aren't necessarily always our lovers in any given lifetime.. they could be our parents, relatives, friends, or other key players.

My favorite area of study by far though has been non-duality, the idea that we are really one, and that this world is more a dream then real. It's a great area of study for personal/spiritual growth.

[Firebrand]

I do, but let me make a stipulation. Soulmate is a concept. Not something "from beyond". It's two people who unlock each other and it stands to logical reason that with 7 billion people on the planet, there would be more than one.

[Nikita]

I don't. I believe everyone has more then one "true love" throughout their lives and the concept of soulmates is complete bullshit. Maybe it's just me being cynical and negative. You're pulled to who you're pulled to romantically and physically, and "fate" has nothing to do with it.

Whoever said that "soulmates" had to be products of fate? Maybe a soulmate is the one person to whom you would be romantically and physically pulled above all others. I think automatic negation of the soulmate idea comes most often from those who have settled for a relationship that contains more negatives than positives, and in which the differences are not complementary. (This is based on my own experience with relationships I've witnessed among friends and family members.)

[Firebrand]

My soulmate is a cloud of electrons. It is distributed among thousands of people out there, who vibrate in one way or another complementary to my self.

Only if they prove the Grand Unified Theory!

[enWTFp]

Only if they prove the Grand Unified Theory!INTP tells its dog that it should not hear the dog whistle, until the INTP proves that it can. And punishes the dog for being a nasty liar and a cheater. Or medicates and electrifies it to 'cure' it. All done out of pity and the good will to help, of course. INTPs are decent and honest citizens.

[Harmony]

INTP tells its dog that it should not hear the dog whistle, until the INTP proves that it can. And punishes the dog for being a nasty liar and a cheater. Or medicates and electrifies it to 'cure' it. All done out of pity and the good will to help, of course. INTPs are decent and honest citizens.

I would never do that to a dog!!! =)

[enWTFp]

I would never do that to a dog!!! =)INTJs save such experiments exclusively for people. They don't even bother to maintain the schizophrenia required to believe in their own good intentions, so they are usually conscious villains.

Animals help them recharge, and they nurture them very gently. It's almost like in some sick fairytale.

[Ocean Machine]

No. I may be biased right now because of what I'm going through in my personal life with regard to relationships, but as of now, I firmly believe that no relationship between two people is perfect. Everything worthwhile in life requires work.

[Jinxu]

While logically, I know that a person can have multiple close relationships with other people. Spiritually, I'd like to believe in the concept about soulmates. If you want true love, you have to believe that it exists.

[Zombicide]

Although theoretically there may be some without any soul mate / adequate matches whatsoever, yes I do believe in soul mates because theoretically out of the 6,000,000,000 or so people on this planet, one is bound to be significantly compatible with a number of others i.e. have a number of soul mates actually e.g. for the relatively unpopular obese people, there is guaranteed to be plenty of chubby chasers / fat fetishists out there significantly complementary to themselves enough to constitute a soul mate.

PS: by "soul" I'm not even referring to the figurative use I might normally give, just referring to the colloquial term soul mate. So do not think that I believe in the magic pixie that dwells within our hearts.

[smashy]

I was browsing the game threads and was rather surprised to see Rahdam write...

"I wish I had my soulmate now."

As the vibe here is overwhelmingly cynical a lot of the time - I didn't think many INTJs believed in such a concept...so I've put up a poll.

Do you think is cynical? I think it's sarcastic, ironic, some are bitter, but not cynical.


Well, I believe in soulmates and I'm fortunate to say that I found mine.

[pocohauntus]

I don't believe in soulmates.

[pure potential]

Soulmates..

I look forward to joining forces with a partner that I can connect with on the soul level and have always wished the same for others, including the Dalai Lama and those who choose monk/spiritual paths that limit this special type of union. Why not? We all deserve it.

[Freedom Geek]

No. I don't believe in any of this sort of stuff.

[mikebob]

I don't know why, but I'm convinced there's one out there. Having never met her is no proof that she doesn't exist, it's just proof that my world is very small.

[Samoan Corleone]

Yes I do. As INTJ as I may be, I believe that some things can never be explained, this 'soulmate' business is one of those things. 'Divine intervention,' 'That means God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.'

[SimplyOtter]

yes, but I also believe in reincarnation, and all that. It's more popular among the very high N scorers. The beliefs don't require faith, because it's almost like an inborn sort of "awareness" that is there.... that there is more out there then meets the eye.

I do believe that there are souls that we incarnate with that are considered "soulmates" though they aren't necessarily always our lovers in any given lifetime.. they could be our parents, relatives, friends, or other key players.

My favorite area of study by far though has been non-duality, the idea that we are really one, and that this world is more a dream then real. It's a great area of study for personal/spiritual growth.

I find myself agreeing with this.
There are connections that can't be explained in rational ways, sometimes.
So this could be the reason, having already met these people "somewhere" else. I'm nobody to say this is true or not. I just say it's an idea I don't reject.

[smashy]

yes, but I also believe in reincarnation, and all that. It's more popular among the very high N scorers. The beliefs don't require faith, because it's almost like an inborn sort of "awareness" that is there.... that there is more out there then meets the eye.

I do believe that there are souls that we incarnate with that are considered "soulmates" though they aren't necessarily always our lovers in any given lifetime.. they could be our parents, relatives, friends, or other key players.

My favorite area of study by far though has been non-duality, the idea that we are really one, and that this world is more a dream then real. It's a great area of study for personal/spiritual growth.

I have a strong N and I also believe in reincarnation and soulmates that can be friends, relatives, lovers, etc. I believe my fiancé is my soulmate but I also have some close friends that I believe they're as well.

[ElstonGunn]

Too often people pursue a relationship because they hope that it can make them whole.

Relationships can make a person whole. For one thing, most people, introverts included, derive a significant portion of their contentment based on their relationships. Obviously, not everyone does, and if you want to put yourself in the category of people who don't do that, that's fine with me.

Secondly, and I think this point might appeal to NTs more than the first one, a relationship can be a test of skill. Maybe "whole" isn't the exact word for it, but a relationship provides the opportunity for people to see how good they are at having a relationship. It's sort of like how a math test lets you gauge your adding abilities, or how a chemistry experiment lets you see what happens when you mix acids and bases. So maybe it's not "whole," but it does let you find out some things about yourself that you otherwise couldn't know with any real amount of certainty. In other words, it adds to the wholeness of your self-awareness.


I don't think the word "soulmate" actually means anything. If called a rock a "soulmate" I don't feel that there's a valid referee that could tell me I'm wrong. It isn't a thing, it's more just the sunniest, most delusionally optimistic word you could possibly drape over the man/woman relationship.

I like that answer. I'm always talking about how people need to define their terms. "Soulmate" is just a word for some other concept that people talk about. The real question here is about that concept, and whether or not people believe in it.

Of course, the idea behind the term will vary from person to person in the same way that my idea of "a lot of money" is going to be different from Rockefeller's idea of "a lot of money."

I was just talking to someone about the concept of soulmates recently. I don't believe in the literal definition. "Roommates" are two people who share a room. I don't think two people can share a soul. But in a less literal way, I'll buy it. Two people with the kind of strong connection that both improves and hugely influences their lives together? Sure, why not? But that's my definition of the term. My answer might change if I were using someone else's definition of the word.


Why do people instantly tie soul mate to a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing?

Good point. I would assume that most people's closest relationship is with their spouse (if they have one), but even if that assumption applies to most people, it doesn't apply to all people.


I don't know why, but I'm convinced there's one out there. Having never met her is no proof that she doesn't exist, it's just proof that my world is very small.

I think that might be sort of like how I think of it. Say that I end up getting married. It could be ten years from now or whenever. But if I do, then obviously, at this exact moment, my future wife exists somewhere (barring a disconcerting age discrepancy). So if you could step back, outside of time, and view our respective paths in life, you could watch them get closer to each other and eventually cross.

Maybe that sounds a bit fatalistic, but I've been getting more convinced that each person is the pawn of his own, self-imposed fate (and the influence of other people's, to some extent), as opposed to three women sitting around with a strand of yarn.

[Dresha]

No in the sense that there is some metaphysical nature at task, as if there is a "hole" that's perfect for your "key" somewhere out there (no pun intended) literally based on a "soul". That certainly must help sell Valentine's Day cards.

Yes in the overall odds on a global scale. There are roughly 6.5 billion people on this planet presently. Wouldn't you think there would be SOMEONE that would have the perfect mesh of eccentricities, someone that would want to satisfy your needs, and someone who's needs you oddly enough love to satisfy? There are of course multiple variables involved when discussing compatibility with a person. I'm not saying it's probable - but possible.

[pocohauntus]

I know I said I don't believe in soulmates and I don't, but there is someone I know to the depths of my soul. Some might call him a soulmate, other would not. Without naming names, I'll reveal something about him. Born on April 19, 1976, he was, in simple terms, the best man ever. He is never far away, and there isn't a moment when I'm not slightly touched by his temporary, though seemingly eternal presence.

While I love having him around, there is what I would describe as a frightening sadness about this as well. I feel sad in part because my interactions with other people have never been completely genuine due to his simple, though constant influence in my life. In other words, when the world I participate in daily could be every color imaginable, they are instead, because of him, simply shades of gray.

[Ender]

I might be repeating some stuff already said, but here's my take on the whole soul mate/true love thing.

I was thinking about it recently and the concepts of infatuation or "crushes" too. My take is that crushes are where you are attracted to someone. You find many characteristics in them that attract you, whether physically, psychologically or what. Unfortunately, the other person doesn't feel the same way; these are not very rare.

Then we get to mutual attraction, where two people are both attracted to each other. Unfortunately the level of attraction and what each person is attracted may not be the same. Looking at your odds, this is more rare than crushes, but not impossible to find.

Finally we come to true "mutual attraction". This would be where both people are attracted to each other equally, same strength, same level, etc. Now if you look at your chances, you're not very likely to find this. This is my opinion of what a "soul mate" or "true love" is; someone who you're fully compatible with and attracted to and they are on the same level.

So overall I don't really have an answer for the poll because too much depends on how you define soul mate.