Jealousy, Un/attraction and Relationships

[ricearoni]

So I recently realized a guy friend of mine has been using me to make his current love interest, jealous...and it's been working. Now, this isn't a big deal to me. I get a kick out of watching the girl get territorial and sometimes, I like to mess up his 'game' and see how he'll try to get me to say what he wants.

BUT...he's been leaving flirty comments on my myspace page, that to an outsider, would make it seem like we're dating and I suspect my INTJ friend has already seen them and is jealous/bothered by it. He's been behaving rather strange, but I could be reading too much into nothing, so...

If you were the INTJ, would you be jealous? If so, would this deter you from pursuing the person you were interested in? Also, have you ever tried to make a romantic interest jealous?

[Acextreme]

Yes, I can be jealous BUT and only if something substantially intimate has happened between us (no, I don't necessarily mean sex). This could be that she is showing me interest and we have been dating for a while now; I only date if I am interested in someone. If it's right from the start, I don't give a damn about it and move on...worthless attempt thinking she has gotten me when she hasn't...nice try and keep going.

So if she manages to get me jealous, I would continue to pursue UNLESS it's clear that she's not doing that on purpose. To which it would imply she's not interested and I would move on.

And yes, I have tried making a romantic interest jealous before. But out of curiosity, why do you want to know?

[ClydeB]

I don't think I would get jealous. But I would be direct in asking my significant other what is going on there.
If it was someone I wanted to get together with and had not yet. I think it would deter me from asking. Especially if I saw the same flirtations going in both directions. I personally have always had self confidence issues when trying to compete with extroverted 'people' males for someone's attention.

[Synamon]

You should explain it to him. INTJ loyalty probably means he won't pursue you if he thinks your interests lie elsewhere.

I've never tried to make someone jealous because I don't get jealous so it just never occurs to me.

[azelismia]

I would see it as a huge red flag. I would ask the person about it. it would definitely turn me off the situation though and make me on guard.

[ricearoni]

And yes, I have tried making a romantic interest jealous before. But out of curiosity, why do you want to know?

Hope you don't mind me asking another question...but what motivated you to do something like that? Was there not enough positive signals from her?

As for your question...well, I think my INTJ friend has been trying to make me jealous, in a similar way my other friend has been doing. But, from what I've read on this forum, it seems like INTJs can be a little oblivious to how they come across, so I wanted to see how likely that it was intentional or accidental.





ricearoni added to this post, 10 minutes and 39 seconds later...

You should explain it to him. INTJ loyalty probably means he won't pursue you if he thinks your interests lie elsewhere.

I've never tried to make someone jealous because I don't get jealous so it just never occurs to me.


Yeah, I've been trying to do some damage control and have told the other guy to stop. I'm just unsure on how to talk about this with my INTJ friend.

[Muumeh]

If I'd be that INTJ friend, the interest I'd had with your friend would be gone. If she'd had interest in you, I'd leave it be (after asking what's going on) and if I'd suspect that she's playing some dirty tricks to get me jealous or whatever...well that would kill my interest towards that person quite efficently.

I would be willing to hear both her and other people's opinions about the issue before deciding if I'm going to forget that guy or not.

[Robertwb70]

I've never tried to make someone jealous because I don't get jealous so it just never occurs to me.

Likewise for me. Don't have a jealous bone in my body, it's one emotion I don't think I've ever experienced.

Isn't jealousy just insecurity?

[citationneeded]

My inability to conjure up jealous feelings has led to some friction in the past with SOs. Sometimes I feign it for convenience.

[Acextreme]

Hope you don't mind me asking another question...but what motivated you to do something like that? Was there not enough positive signals from her?


Well, I don't know about your friend, but yeah, when I did it back then (and maybe the only time I did it) was partly because I wasn't sure if she's interested. That was my first time dating a girl years ago (when I was 16?). So knowing nothing better to test or know her interest level, I resorted to that and I was very young then too.

And by the way, just so you don't misinterpret everything in the wrong light, not all INTJs are the same; within INTJs, each and everyone of us still behaves differently and think differently. So your friend may well be very different.

[karenk]

Hope you don't mind me asking another question...but what motivated you to do something like that?

This was the first question that entered my mind too. It seems very 'out of character' for an INFJ.