Dealing with ISFJ's

[mind_wander]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?

[rwyatt365]

I almost didn't post here because my personal bias probably will show through…but here goes. I have an intimate relationship with an ISFJ and it's driving me crazy!

On the positive side; she is caring, giving, devoted, dedicated and committed to family. There is nothing that she won't do for her children and her motto is, "Family comes first". She is intelligent and highly organized and has a memory like a steel trap (once it's in there, is cannot be removed except by excessive force). She has a strict framework for "how things should be" and anything that conflicts with that framework – to her – does not exist. That's it! Things either are the way that she thinks they should be, or they "don't make sense" and are therefore non-existent. Things are black-and-white, there is no middle ground. Flexibility and change are anathema to her, she hates surprises. If she says she's going to do something, then she's going to do it and she expect nothing less from everyone else. She envisions herself as everyone's protector. Her life's ambition (in her own words) is to, "Keep people from falling into a pit", and woe be unto you if you don't see the "pit" because she'll save you whether you want to be saved, or not.

On the negative side; she is opinionated and not afraid to say what she thinks, no matter the effect it might have ("it's for your own good"). She is manipulative and controlling and will use whatever means are necessary to get what she wants. If you let her, she will take over every aspect of your life down to the most minute level. With her, it's "my way, or the highway" and as far as she's concerned, that's not a bad thing because her way is the best way (or so she feels). She is smothering in relationships, wanting to monopolize and dominate every interaction – there is no such thing as "me time". And that is justified because "that is the way it's supposed to be".

Every action is performed out of emotion and not from rational thinking. As a matter of fact she engages in "magical thinking" quite regularly – ascribing unknown, and unknowable attributes to ordinary items. Her mantra is, "Everything happens for a reason" – and that reason is not necessarily for us to know.

I'd better stop, otherwise I'll really start to rant…

[deicruxified]

i don't know any isfj's yet so i better read...

[mind_wander]

Yeah, with the immatue ISFJ, it's "my way, or the highway" and as far as ISFJ is concerned, that's not a bad thing because in an ISFJ way is the best way (or so he/she feels). This can be very conflicting for me too. They have more better qualities, like you listed there and holds so true. The more u give them to keep busy, then things are all good; but save things, for yourself too.

[vulcan]

my mom is prolly an isfj.

it was a rocky road, but we respect each other now.

[The Many]

I have only known two ISFJs, one is an old relative of mine and another one is a girl who was in my class in school. I can't say much about the relative since I have never really been close to her, but my ex-classmate (who is also one of the most attractive girls I have ever met - I even asked her out once, but unfortunately to no effect) was very, very nice.

She was incredibly supportive, warm-hearted and all those positive traits people usually attribute to ISFJs, and she even seemed to like me as a person. In fact I wonder if she wasn't attracted to me too, but that was after I had already dismissed her... now there's INTJ for you... but still, she told me that she wanted to stay in contact after we graduated, and we have actually talked/messaged each other a couple of times since then (she lives in Spain now).

I did quite some work in school with her too though, it was an absolute pleasure. She respected my abilities and even seemed to enjoy doing those boring, type-it-through tasks that I absolutely loathe. She made a somewhat naive appearance, which I suppose supplemented my general sarcastic mood quite well. In fact she didn't seem to mind our differences much at all. We would have made a good "team", now when I think about it. A pity things didn't work out, but that's life.

[mind_wander]

I did quite some work in school with her too though, it was an absolute pleasure. She respected my abilities and even seemed to enjoy doing those boring, type-it-through tasks that I absolutely loathe. She made a somewhat naive appearance, which I suppose supplemented my general sarcastic mood quite well. In fact she didn't seem to mind our differences much at all. We would have made a good "team", now when I think about it. A pity things didn't work out, but that's life.

Actually, I know exactly what you mean. My ISFJ female team partner is the same way too. Hey, do you like to write all the work out, of course with another team partner? Sure, why not, glad to do it. Rarely say no, for an answer (Think logically, don't give her too much tasks and must save it for other things). We did great in our first team excercise and don't mind rejoining up again, we do see each other often; so what the heck. She does respect my points of views, jokes, and our differences, like you mentioned there. The part that it seems to fall under the friendship category more because INTJ's love personal space. A caring person would break that personal space; if you let the person know ahead of time, then there are no conflicts. Thanx, for sharing :)

[The Many]

Actually, I know exactly what you mean. My ISFJ female team partner is the same way too. Hey, do you like to write all the work out, of course with another team partner? Sure, why not, glad to do it. Rarely say no, for an answer (Think logically, don't give her too much tasks and must save it for other things). We did great in our first team excercise and don't mind rejoining up again, we do see each other often; so what the heck. She does respect my points of views, jokes, and our differences, like you mentioned there. The part that it seems to fall under the friendship category more because INTJ's love personal space. A caring person would break that personal space; if you let the person know ahead of time, then there are no conflicts. Thanx, for sharing :)

No worries there.

Coming to think of personal space as you mentioned, she once pointed out that I "hadn't been acting like I usually do". I quite appreciated it since I was very depressed at the time... sometimes support isn't all that bad, really. She gave a very trustworthy appearance in all her naivety, she quite reminded me of a cocker spaniel puppy (of the English variety), complete with those big eyes you are hard pressed not to drown in.

[mind_wander]

No worries there.

Coming to think of personal space as you mentioned, she once pointed out that I "hadn't been acting like I usually do". I quite appreciated it since I was very depressed at the time... sometimes support isn't all that bad, really. She gave a very trustworthy appearance in all her naivety, she quite reminded me of a cocker spaniel puppy (of the English variety), complete with those big eyes you are hard pressed not to drown in.
Of course, its their natural trait, in this case. Otherwise, it will turned into something different. I see the ISFJ: INTJ relationship is more like you are he/she checks and balances. Because they too, lived inside their heads, but once you explained about yourself or whoever goes first. Wait a minute here, wow; ISFJ will comes out of their shell and welcome he/she world with you. Often times, they do get ignored and they end up getting frustrated. I do give them their my full attention, even if the conversations are not really in my field because we are open-minded people; so it doesn't matter. Makes life easier too, they help you, in return you help them.

[Solaris]

I know an ISFJ extremely well. She is introverted enough that she doesn't press her way onto others very much. A slightly more E ISFJ, I can see doing that as rwyatt pointed out. Otherwise, he pretty much hit it on the head. She balances me and we know how to respect each other. To her credit, she grew up with a lot of T's, so she knows how to deal with them.

[Hypomanic]

One of my most recent college friends is an ISFj. She is a realist and a half, which I love. She has a down-to-earth opinion on everything, but sometimes is a little too serious in presenting her thoughts or evaluating what we talk about in casual conversation (very black and white, won't give up her point or see any alternatives). She's a rebel on the inside, that's for sure. She's into self-preservation, like all SJ's but can have a good time as well (THIS took me by surprise!).. Overall I like her. I'm not sure I like all ISFj's, as I think I loathe an elderly one I know, but this ISFj is young and fun. I'm sure she'll become more closed-minded with age (I'm not going to lie), but for now she is a good complement to my personality (being my exact opposite). She helps me see the other side of life, I respect our differences. She is lovey (for lack of a better word) and I think she respects mine too.

[mind_wander]

One of my most recent college friends is an ISFj. She is a realist and a half, which I love. She has a down-to-earth opinion on everything, but sometimes is a little too serious in presenting her thoughts or evaluating what we talk about in casual conversation (very black and white, won't give up her point or see any alternatives). She's a rebel on the inside, that's for sure. She's into self-preservation, like all SJ's but can have a good time as well (THIS took me by surprise!).. Overall I like her. I'm not sure I like all ISFj's, as I think I loathe an elderly one I know, but this ISFj is young and fun. I'm sure she'll become more closed-minded with age (I'm not going to lie), but for now she is a good complement to my personality (being my exact opposite). She helps me see the other side of life, I respect our differences. She is lovey (for lack of a better word) and I think she respects mine too.

Yeah, in the MBTI its says that ENTP and ISFJ are perfect match, or more preferrable. ISFJ's does tolerate with T's more, like Solaris mentioned. Currently, in my team I do have an ESFJ/ISFJ/ENTP/INTJ; hey, once in a life time to have this kind of combination. But, we all worked great together, plus have similar classes together and we are very opened-about what we are talking about. No complaints by me :)

[Gaius Baltar]

I had a long term relationship with an ISFJ. It lasted almost two years, and it got to the point where we were living together for about a year.

ISFJs have a lot of positive traits. They're very warm and caring. They believe in doing the right thing. They're extremely loyal.

They tend to be quite introverted and only have a few core friends. They will go out of their way to help and support you. They tend to have a very low need for someone to be constantly thanking them or showing signs of affection, which works well with INTJs who do not express this very often.

Give ISFJs tasks. They love doing certain mundane things that drive INTJs nuts. They're also very good at optimizing things. Have her go find the best deal or the finest quality things by comparison. Have her figure out how to optimize the mundane tasks in life.

I think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.

So in a way, that works since a lot of people can't really handle a strong minded INTJ. After we broke up though, I finally squeezed it out of her that we viewed certain things in a very different manner. I felt massively betrayed. Not because she didn't agree with me on certain things, but because she never let on that she did. I felt like I had been wasting a ton of time and energy trying to help her understand certain things when she wasn't interested or simply wouldn't agree for some reason that she would never disclose.

I notice that they also tend to get walked on by people. I didn't care for most of her friends, but who she socializes with is her business. It's not my place to dictate who she does and doesn't socialize with, but there were a few individuals that she kept around that seriously upset me. I'd watch these people take advantage of her kindness and use her as an emotional dumping ground. She's an I too, so she doesn't have a very high tolerance. But she refused to cut certain people off who would use her, despite my insistence that not doing so will cause her extreme distress.

Anyways, I think that ISFJs are a good match for everything except for intellectual stimulation. Unfortunately, this one point is a rather critical one for an INTJ. I had to break it off because my mental connection with someone is crucial. Otherwise, I would have been a happy man.

[mind_wander]

ISFJ and INTJ is not a good match for relationships. But, the brick wall talking, yeah been there done that. Yes, people ignore ISFJ's alot, which frustrates them. What I cared about your needs? What no return from you?

But they do look up to INTJ's, for further guidance. Please head over to the INFJ department, they are the true psychologist, for your needs. But, hey if they come to you; what choice do you have?

[Ice Wolf]

I've met few ISFJs. Females only.

Brick phenomena is quite common. After I've managed to build the self confidence of one girl I've actually discovered she is quite intelligent young lady... She was just too afraid to insult to me (remember: ISFJs hate conflict). It took me almost ten years to achieve that.

When she is in some kind of distress I can clearly notice that. Usually she is trying to get my opinion on the subject but without to actually telling me what is wrong. Then we need a few sessions of hide and seek, subtle hints... but I never give her a direct answer. I only ask questions, hopefully questions she never asked herself.

When I've met another... well we had only few summer weeks at our disposal. Bricky stuff drove me crazy since there was not enough time to establish a solid trust.

There was another problem: She accused me that I fell in crush with her. Claimed that she somehow sensed that (Don't exactly remember the number of that sense but it had one). More I've tried to deny that inappropriate allegation, more she accused me of hiding something. It took a whole month of different psychological maneuvers to convince her other way and make her redraw that false claim.

The hardest part all along was that she was right at the first place, but her path of deduction was utterly false.

[mind_wander]

I've met few ISFJs. Females only.

Brick phenomena is quite common. After I've managed to build the self confidence of one girl I've actually discovered she is quite intelligent young lady... She was just too afraid to insult to me (remember: ISFJs hate conflict). It took me almost ten years to achieve that.

When she is in some kind of distress I can clearly notice that. Usually she is trying to get my opinion on the subject but without to actually telling me what is wrong. Then we need a few sessions of hide and seek, subtle hints... but I never give her a direct answer. I only ask questions, hopefully questions she never asked herself.

When I've met another... well we had only few summer weeks at our disposal. Bricky stuff drove me crazy since there was not enough time to establish a solid trust.

There was another problem: She accused me that I fell in crush with her. Claimed that she somehow sensed that (Don't exactly remember the number of that sense but it had one). More I've tried to deny that inappropriate allegation, more she accused me of hiding something. It took a whole month of different psychological maneuvers to convince her other way and make her redraw that false claim.

The hardest part all along was that she was right at the first place, but her path of deduction was utterly false.

lol, isn't the few sessions of hide and seek, subtle hints... is so much fun?

Yeah, most INTJ should study the INTJ personality type, the warning signs are they are attachers. So, the problem to you would be, if they find so many common things to close near perfect, that means you are the one. So, if you are the one; they will never let you go. That mean, no more personal space no more, etc. etc. etc. Yeah, you know where that leads by now. Its alot of brick wall communication, no thats not what I am saying! One more answer like that, I will take your cute puppy dog from you, if you please stop it.

I've found the best solution is that ISFJ's are sensitive people, mostly I met is females. Oh well, but their heart is not cruel. Thats a good sign, but they need to do more creative writings or something to allow themselve to released all those emotions out, like in a realisitic scenerio problems. This way, they can easily distinguished between thinking or feeling. This is very important, most of ISFJ's, used with their hearts and not with their minds.

This is a great example scenario, but I never do this to anyone in this manner, unless its kinda true.

Frustrated Dude: Hey ,there ISFJ's I got alot of homework and I can't really finished it all on time. Its due in less than a week, I got this class, that class, my life is in the hole and I can't resolve this issue. I just broke up with my girlfriend and I felt so upset and horrible about it. My mind can't concentrate or focus on what's in front of me, like this large pile of homework, project assignments.

ISFJ: Ok, what kinds of classes, do you have? Maybe I can help you out, since we both are in the same major.

Frustrated Dude: Give a long list of courses and subjects.

ISFJ: Oh yeah, I took some of these classes before and they are really easy.

Frustrated Dude: If they are so easy, then you can do it; shoot life is so hard and depressing.

ISFJ: I tell ya what, while you are dealing with your depressed issues about your Ex-GF. How about I helped you do some of the homework for you?

Frustrated Dude: ****Depressed mood, turned right side up, alittle bit of joy with a smile :) Thank you, I really appreciate your time dealing this problem with me. Next time, if you got a problem, glad to help you out, just send me an email or a phone call.

ISFJ: not a problem, glad to help out a fellow classmate.



Here is a perfect example, where ISFJ can be easily caught in a trap highlighted in black. But, I never would do this kind of thing because its so wrong.

[ShiningLight]

One of my close friends is an ISFJ, and I think I may have come across one other. I generally find them to be warm, helpful, and very motivated people, and I enjoy being around them. We just rarely if ever share the same interests. I find that I don't really relate to their outwardly expressed feeling side, and whenever we have a conversation, it's always in some way related to practical matters, i.e. classes, jobs. From the standpoint of the MBTI, I think Feeling is the least extroverted function in the INTJ, and I find it infinitely easier to relate to ISFJs through my extroverted, though inferior Sensing, which happens to be their dominant strengh.

The person whose type I don't know for sure but estimate to be ISFJ fits your description perfectly when it comes to achievement, but I don't know enough about her to know how she deals with emotions. The friend whom I do know well appears to be an anomaly of her type. While Sensing is her dominant function, she has a very well-developed iNtuition and often takes shortcuts or even misses out on information/tasks. I suspect it's due to her high IQ, and I have a theory that there is a correlation between iNtuition and IQ. It appears that a higher IQ would enable an individual to leave behind the detailed, step-by-step process of intaking information and "jump ahead," which kind of correlates to iNtuition and is what my friend does. But as far as I can tell, she still remains a Sensing type because everything she does serves a practical purpose and she is extremely focused on the present reality.

It appears I have not met any immature or emotionally manipulative ISFJs, and my experiences with them have generally been positive. I think it's a matter of type balance as well as personal maturity.

[The Rose]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?
I was best friends with an ISFJ for 3 years. She was emotionally unhealthy though. I had to bend over backwards to not hurt her feelings all the time and it was really exhausting. She used to write me an email every day that said the exact same thing - word for word - that she was glad that we were friends, etc. Repetition is apparently something that gives ISFJs comfort. This email didn't ask me any questions so at first I didn't reply to them. But I found out I was supposed to reply to them. So I had to think of my own stupid same thing to write back every day. What is the point??!!

Anyway, I think she would fall into the immature category. At the end I was suffocating, and I was doing so much jumping through hoops to make her happy, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was finally able to get her out of my life.

It's too bad. She had a lot of good qualities, too, but the bad ones were too much for me.

The Rose added, 10 Minutes and 32 Seconds later...

... I finally squeezed it out of her that we viewed certain things in a very different manner. I felt massively betrayed. Not because she didn't agree with me on certain things, but because she never let on that she did. I felt like I had been wasting a ton of time and energy trying to help her understand certain things when she wasn't interested or simply wouldn't agree for some reason that she would never disclose.
...The same thing happened to me. She didn't want to hurt my feelings, so she kept her dissenting opinion to herself. All the while, I thought we were in agreement because she showed interest in discussing it.

[Wildflower]

Give ISFJs tasks. They love doing certain mundane things that drive INTJs nuts. They're also very good at optimizing things. Have her go find the best deal or the finest quality things by comparison. Have her figure out how to optimize the mundane tasks in life.

I think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.


Yes, this is my experience with ISFx friends. It is all great fun and they are so loyal and helpful and have nurturing side, but you just cannot expect them to follow you into the N side into deeper issues, they just won't go there.

So in a way, that works since a lot of people can't really handle a strong minded INTJ. After we broke up though, I finally squeezed it out of her that we viewed certain things in a very different manner. I felt massively betrayed. Not because she didn't agree with me on certain things, but because she never let on that she did. I felt like I had been wasting a ton of time and energy trying to help her understand certain things when she wasn't interested or simply wouldn't agree for some reason that she would never disclose.

I have a ISFx friend who does this and it unsettles me when I know she is just going along to get along. Because of this, I have just for the most part given up sharing deeper issues with her. I care for her as a friend deeply because of the help and caring she has given me in the past but our relationship is mostly banal. It is a strange combination. (She told me she was childfree by choice as I am, but the whole time she was getting fertility shots! It felt so strange when I found out, senseless to hide that from me ya know?)

I find they make unexamined emotional decisions that to me seem so illogical and I have trouble dealing with it because watching them reap their results is so hard, but I try to tell myself they were living out what they felt they must. Most of these revolve around having planned children under very unfavorable circumstances and the men they attach to.

Let's not even mention the country music though....

[Henry]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?


Everything - EVERYTHING - is taken personally by the only ISFJ I know. Every statement you make needs to be qualified and then sub qualified and then reviewed that its not personal, or she gets mad or teary eyed. Excellent worker though, and very friendly.

[American Quest 1983]

I met a few ISFJ's. For the most part they are warm and gentle people. My issue with quite a few ISFJ's is that they expect too much out of themselves. They also have a tendency of abhering to traditions and customs too much. Other than that, they are great people.

[mind_wander]

I was best friends with an ISFJ for 3 years. She was emotionally unhealthy though. I had to bend over backwards to not hurt her feelings all the time and it was really exhausting. She used to write me an email every day that said the exact same thing - word for word - that she was glad that we were friends, etc. Repetition is apparently something that gives ISFJs comfort. This email didn't ask me any questions so at first I didn't reply to them. But I found out I was supposed to reply to them. So I had to think of my own stupid same thing to write back every day. What is the point??!!

Anyway, I think she would fall into the immature category. At the end I was suffocating, and I was doing so much jumping through hoops to make her happy, I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was finally able to get her out of my life.

It's too bad. She had a lot of good qualities, too, but the bad ones were too much for me.


Yes, your supposed to answer them all back, as an INTJ. If you don't then you will get bombard with spam questions mail, etc. That type falls under immature ISFJ. But, I do know what you are feeling.

mind_wander added, 16 Minutes and 31 Seconds later...

I met a few ISFJ's. For the most part they are warm and gentle people. My issue with quite a few ISFJ's is that they expect too much out of themselves. They also have a tendency of abhering to traditions and customs too much. Other than that, they are great people.

That is so true, they don't mind sharing with others around them; well the selected few. I was thinking to myself, INTJ does the same, but there is a limit to it. But ISFJ's, went over the line to achieve their ultimate goal. Well, whatever makes you happy[feeling], then go for the ultimate goal. If you don't then ISFJ emotions will keep them running into emotional walls. My advice to ISFJ would be please reconsidered in still keeping your ultimate goal in life, also try to slow down to get there. Errors can be along the way, there is no such thing, as a perfect plan because its a big illusion. What we want to create in our own minds is perfect, but in the real world there are so many variables are missing, forgot to insert. Yeah, I admit that I had made previous mistakes; so glad to have my input.

[elsdfr]

ISFJ and ESFJ are supposedly the most common of all the types according the Wiki and MBTI.

They also say there are less INFJs than INTJs.

"By using inferential statistics an estimate of the preferences found in the US population" *cough*

[mind_wander]

ISFJ and ESFJ are supposedly the most common of all the types according the Wiki and MBTI.

They also say there are less INFJs than INTJs.

"By using inferential statistics an estimate of the preferences found in the US population" *cough*
Yeah, I am currently working in a group with an ISFJ and ESFJ personalities, but never had a problem. Sux, for our end, INFJs and INTJs.

[Hypomanic]

Yeah, my ISFJ friend has really grown on me. At first it was awkward to find out we were polar opposite types, but now I'm sentimentally attached to her. It's good to have a realist with emotional intelligence.

[mind_wander]

Yeah, my ISFJ friend has really grown on me. At first it was awkward to find out we were polar opposite types, but now I'm sentimentally attached to her. It's good to have a realist with emotional intelligence.

I know why, ENTP's and ISFJ, should go together. I did do some searching on it. Yeah, because ENTP's create so many number of things to do. ISFJ lackings, please give me something to do, OMG I'd going to die, if I don't. So yeah, ENTP's glad you are around to sort that out. The best INTJ's can do is guide the ISFJ where they need to be, but its up to ENTP's to take care of it from there on. ISFJ's are very attached, but try not to hurt their feelings or their going to release some pain.

[Ice Wolf]

Is there any ISFJ forum out there. I would like to see how they are trying to deal with INTJ's.

[cj1]

I need the help of the INTJ team...

I've dated a ISFJ for about a year now (enough said, I guess...lol).... we are perfectly in love...we get along, we do fun things, we have the same interests....he's sweet, successful, funny. But, here's the but....there's a underlying constant dread of having to deal with his emotions - good or bad. His gushes of good emotions are really hard for me to take to heart, it's like watching a professional romantic actor play prince charming. And the negative emotions ("his just telling it like it is") seems like immature, selfish, inconsiderate drama.

I've really tried to step aside and not let it undermine my engagement in the relationship. I fear I am failing....he is driving me nuts. In those moments, he acts like some combination of a middle school girl and a psycho bitch...all the while two minutes later he's being a nurturing, supportive, loving and generous man.

I have a difficult time detaching from the drama once it passes. He doesn't even need to "kiss and make up" cause it's all normal to him.

I struggle with giving up what is an almost storybook relationship because of this thorn...unless you all can help me figure out how to rationalize and/or ignore his emotions...I don't know what else to do.

[Necrosis]

I need the help of the INTJ team...

I've dated a ISFJ for about a year now (enough said, I guess...lol).... we are perfectly in love...we get along, we do fun things, we have the same interests....he's sweet, successful, funny. But, here's the but....there's a underlying constant dread of having to deal with his emotions - good or bad. His gushes of good emotions are really hard for me to take to heart, it's like watching a professional romantic actor play prince charming. And the negative emotions ("his just telling it like it is") seems like immature, selfish, inconsiderate drama.

I've really tried to step aside and not let it undermine my engagement in the relationship. I fear I am failing....he is driving me nuts. In those moments, he acts like some combination of a middle school girl and a psycho bitch...all the while two minutes later he's being a nurturing, supportive, loving and generous man.

I have a difficult time detaching from the drama once it passes. He doesn't even need to "kiss and make up" cause it's all normal to him.

I struggle with giving up what is an almost storybook relationship because of this thorn...unless you all can help me figure out how to rationalize and/or ignore his emotions...I don't know what else to do.

Interesting I saw you post in the other thread. You can check out my story about my ISFJ (or PM if you want details). I can't handle it myself. The best advice is to either accept who they are or leave them be compeltely. theres no middle ground. once you leave there quite possibly going to believe YOU cuasede them abandonment and hate you for it. They wont rationalize anything but feel it was all your fault and they are worthless. I can't say its a copout but remember they are as unaware of how they react as much as we sometimes are unaware of how cold and arrogant we can be. Set rules on things. And just learn to explain things to them very very clearly. It is what it is, its up to you to decide if your willing to accept what your relationship is.

[OneHertz]

But, here's the but....there's a underlying constant dread of having to deal with his emotions - good or bad. His gushes of good emotions are really hard for me to take to heart, it's like watching a professional romantic actor play prince charming. And the negative emotions ("his just telling it like it is") seems like immature, selfish, inconsiderate drama.

I've really tried to step aside and not let it undermine my engagement in the relationship. I fear I am failing....he is driving me nuts. In those moments, he acts like some combination of a middle school girl and a psycho bitch...all the while two minutes later he's being a nurturing, supportive, loving and generous man.

I have a difficult time detaching from the drama once it passes. He doesn't even need to "kiss and make up" cause it's all normal to him.

Why don't you tell "him" all this?

[Solaris]

I dearly love one isfj friend I have. Another is about to make me crazy. Just shoot me.

[whiteslate]

Interesting I saw you post in the other thread. You can check out my story about my ISFJ (or PM if you want details). I can't handle it myself. The best advice is to either accept who they are or leave them be compeltely. theres no middle ground. once you leave there quite possibly going to believe YOU cuasede them abandonment and hate you for it. They wont rationalize anything but feel it was all your fault and they are worthless. I can't say its a copout but remember they are as unaware of how they react as much as we sometimes are unaware of how cold and arrogant we can be. Set rules on things. And just learn to explain things to them very very clearly. It is what it is, its up to you to decide if your willing to accept what your relationship is.
511, do you think you and your ISFj will last, eventually? Very curious, cause I'm on the verge of relenting erm, love, to my ISFj male [mature, I rationalize.] And I'm facing similar challenges tt you've faced. Just moving on and trying to re-map my routes to find another dual would've seem a better idea . .. Except that the sex is way better with the Enigma that I've ever had with the other Dual. Decisions, decisions. ..

[Indubitably]

Yeah SJ types in general can be the bane of an NT type's existence. The only time when I've found that an SJ is generally agreeable is when you are their boss. They're usually big on rank, and they will often follow orders so blindly that merely questioning authority, is considered an unforgivable transgression.

ISFJs are somewhat manageable provided you can appeal to their sense of right and wrong. Otherwise, like most SJs they will work tirelessly, and often mindlessly, to maintain the status quo (thus inevitably interfering with the de facto NT objective of global obliteration and or domination). It can be very important that you don't do anything to publicly embarrass them, or they may very well come unglued at the seams. This can be extremely difficult for NTs that have any sort of relationship with them, because no matter how trivial or meaningless, anything you do that sets you apart from the mainstream they will see as reflecting on them negatively.

That said, ISFJs can be very loyal, loving and dependable friends. You will probably be a constant source of stress and concern for them, but they will never intentionally lie, manipulate, or betray you the way some ESFJs and ENFJs might. Over all I'd say I get along better with ISFJs than I do ISTJs. You would think having a T trait would make ISTJs easier to reason with, but they just absolutely refuse to deviate from protocol. They are, if nothing else, very reliable, and they're often fairly sharp, but intelligent or not, trying to communicate with an ISTJ on a meaningful level is like banging your head against a brick wall. At least with an ISFJ you can convince them that thinking outside the box is "the right thing to do" in a given situation.

[whiteslate]

Yeah SJ types in general can be the bane of an NT type's existence. The only time when I've found that an SJ is generally agreeable is when you are their boss.

That said, ISFJs can be very loyal, loving and dependable friends. You will probably be a constant source of stress and concern for them, but they will never intentionally lie, manipulate, or betray you the way some ESFJs and ENFJs might.

At least with an ISFJ you can convince them that thinking outside the box is "the right thing to do" in a given situation.

Ditto all that, Indubitably. It's a great situation when we're the boss, although this arrangement can be pretty tricky in relationships. The traditional 'stronger male INTJ, supporting female ISFJ' may function just fine. When genders are reversed, I guess the INTJ female has to somewhat suppress certain sarcastic tendencies and evil AlphaMale traits. And also be congenial and support World Peace.

So, now that we know how to get along with the ISFJ, how then do *we manipulate him to do the *wrong [but fun] things?

[jay bee 83]

hey... I'm an ISFJ and have found this thread really interesting, along with the amusing title! ... amazing what you stumble across while searching for an ISFJ forum - which I haven't found yet!

My closest friend at uni was an INTJ..... we 'worked out what we were' on a Work Psychology module during our business masters degree.

It was interesting because I remember when the results materialised, she was hoping we would be the same (prior to revealing the results) ..... which in fact was not the case - to her disappointment?? - i still don't know.

Her reaction to my Feeling indicator was almost sort of half dismissive backed up with an '...in a good way though' comment.

We were close friends and throughout the year didn't have a single arguement..... I can appreciate the 'attachment' issue as sometimes we would go a week maybe without any contact and I would wonder if it was something I'd done. But I later realised it was the 'personal space' issue. I haven't seen her for over a year now but still keep in contact.

She was a slight contradiction in some ways because she wasn't often quiet, maybe not as associated with introverts. She was more extraverted, i.e. talking a lot as one indicator, but I got the feeling it was more of an impression with some insecurities underneath....although she rarely portrayed any weak points, although when she did she recognised it and seemed like it was an uneasy experience - as is conceivably possible in everyone i suppose.

I am a quiet person and tend to come out more when I get to know people over a longer period of time so it was a bit of a drag when being plied with questions or being told to speak up, sometimes I have nothing to say.... there is no point talking for the sake of talking. I speak when there is something relevant to say, and always think before I do so.... its sometimes difficult to get everything thats in my head out into words so I work hard on being articulate, so think through most things before saying them. I often find that writing is a much easier medium of communication.

I enjoy observation and listening, its not my choice to do that - its what I'm like. You can learn so much by listening and forming your own interpretations. As I've got older I've become more receptive to body language and ppl's intentions.

I agree that I sometimes keep things bottled up but most of the time, there isn't alot going on below the surface, and thats not a marker for being completely stupid - quite the opposite..... no calculated moves being plotted or anything like that. Any bad feelings tend to disappear overnight so theres no grudges... I just don't suffer fools!

I enjoy seeing others achieve and recognise talent when I see it. Its almost like I can visualise in my head different levels of competence or ability, so its becomes almost tangible in my mind....its quite hard to explain that one! I also like to give advice on things that I am 100% confident on, but find it hard sometimes to take other ppl's advice!

I can say no to things, which seems to conflict with certain ideas. When it comes to work I tend to just get on with it until its done so being resilient is one of my best qualities. I do get bored now and again and often find myself losing interest in things.

Anyway, I've prob gone on too long! lol .... one final thing, this post has been very well thought out and painstakingly reviewed before posting!!

[Necrosis]

Anyway, I've prob gone on too long! lol .... one final thing, this post has been very well thought out and painstakingly reviewed before posting!!

Yes why is that. My isfj would always reread emails after they were already sent. and double check everything she typed or wrote. even if was alreayd out of her control. is it reassurance? cuz i kno she needs that. insecurity? or the need to have control over things? maybe even a lack of confidence?

[Queen Mum]

But, here's the but....there's a underlying constant dread of having to deal with his emotions - good or bad. His gushes of good emotions are really hard for me to take to heart, it's like watching a professional romantic actor play prince charming. And the negative emotions ("his just telling it like it is") seems like immature, selfish, inconsiderate drama.
. . . unless you all can help me figure out how to rationalize and/or ignore his emotions...I don't know what else to do.

I just realized in the past few months that my sister is an ISFJ. (Don't know why I didn't see it before, but for some reason she had always previously tested as an ISTJ, perhaps excess T floating around the house).

Anyway, that describes a lot of the challenge that I had found in our relationship. These emotional storms would arise out of nowhere, destroy the landscape, and then suddenly . . . it was like nothing had ever happened. Meanwhile I would go on for days feeling like her life was ruined or the world was ending and it was my fault.

I have learned to deal with it, though. I just have to listen and nod and all the while keep telling myself, "It's not as bad even to her as she thinks it is in this moment. She doesn't want you to solve anything. She's not going to change anything. She just wants to feel like someone cares." And then she gets it all out of her system and the next time we talk all is sunshine and roses (or another storm has hit, but hey, at least it's a different one and I got on with my life in the meantime).

As to whether you can learn this well enough to get along permanently with this guy, I can't say. But a sister is for life, and I am glad I have made some progress in being able to relate to her without losing my mind. (It took me 27 years, though.) She's a great person to have around, after all: utterly dependable, full of practical abilities, a great listener.

[jay bee 83]

Quote:
Originally Posted by jay bee 83
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 1 posts.


Anyway, I've prob gone on too long! lol .... one final thing, this post has been very well thought out and painstakingly reviewed before posting!!

Yes why is that. My isfj would always reread emails after they were already sent. and double check everything she typed or wrote. even if was alreayd out of her control. is it reassurance? cuz i kno she needs that. insecurity? or the need to have control over things? maybe even a lack of confidence?

I reread things and check them because I want to be sure that I've included everything that is relevant or everything is as I want it to sound. And the fact that I have the recipient in mind whilst writing. I angle everything towards my perception of them and how they are likely to respond.

As a male ISFJ, I'm not as insecure as a female would be and don't need validation from someone. I don't ask for or expect recognition, thats where my modesty comes in. However I do see when someone else should do something and not me.

And these emotional storms you talk about.... its probably the case that things have been built up inside for a while and they all flood out massively! Then once it passes its fine after that.... as much as it might be a burden on the person on the receiving end at the time. But if you were the person who has a problem, or emotional storm, we would be the person there listening and forming a decent response of what you could do to resolve the situation.

So, I reckon if you can see a situation from both perspectives it would go a long way in helping.

[cj1]

I'm curious how it turned out....? I am still in the struggle....

[suigeneris]

Give ISFJs tasks. They love doing certain mundane things that drive INTJs nuts. They're also very good at optimizing things. Have her go find the best deal or the finest quality things by comparison. Have her figure out how to optimize the mundane tasks in life.

I think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.

that is SO true of my ISFJ boss. he has no problems whatsoever with doing the mundane taskswhich drive me CRAAAZY. and like the author of the quoted post said, my ISFJ boss does not engage me in conceptual discussions at all- he simply looks at me bizzarely.

[Hatsumomo1]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?

My boyfriend is an ISFJ. Maybe my opinion is a bit biased, but I find that ISFJ's are very selfless, warm, dependable, and genuinely caring people. I know there's a lot of people out there that think that an ISFJ/INTJ relationship can't work, but I find it very pleasing and balanced. However, his T side is pretty developed, so he is very capable of making rational decisions and does so often. Without that I think our relationship would be doomed, so I'm very grateful.

There is one thing that really irks me though, and I think this is a common characteristic of ISFJ's. He can never seem to say "no" to people even at his own expense, and people just love to take advantage of that. One day we were on the way to have dinner with his family and we were running a little late. We weren't on the road for more than five minutes when his roommate called asking to pick him up at the train station and bring him back to the apartment. And of course, my boyfriend couldn't say "no" and we ending up being really late. The whole time I was thinking "Fuck your roommate. He can walk! That's the price he pays for not getting his driver's license. You're not his chauffeur." Once we dropped his roommate off, I mentioned to him "You know, you don't have to take him everywhere. If he refuses to get a car and a license, he can just walk." His response was, "*sigh* I know, but you know me, I can't say no to people."

[Natalie197]

I jest. We are very happy. It seems like a lot of INTJ's think a good relationship with an ISFJ is next to impossible or horrendous. I think one of the secrets to getting along is that we laugh a lot.

I respect him very much, though probably not for the same things he holds himself in esteem for, and yes, he is the more dominant figure in the household. I am extremely laid back or 'submissive'.

I have definitely learned to put my ego aside and let him be himself. I used to take it personally when others would look down on him for being 'wierd' or doing things his own way. I would get so embarrassed and really felt that if he really cared about me, he would guard the way he acted in public so I wouldn't have to deal with shame. But then I realized he just doesn't connect his own actions with my feelings at all. How did I deal? Partially by trying to actively DISCONNECT his actions with my perceptions of other's perceptions of me (yes that is a big issue for me, sad right?), partially by just learning to deal with embarassment and not let it warp into shame or even guilt. So that isn't a big deal anymore though it can sometimes be difficult for me personally, but I have learned pretty well to control my emotions in that arena and not take my hang-ups out on him.

As for the 'brick wall', sometimes I do need quite a lot of time to rationally process things I feel strongly about. If challenged intellectually it is very easy to feel threatened. Although I have 'clammed up' in the past with my husband, it has never lasted too long. I value the relationship too much.

INTJ's intimately involved with an ISFJ need to realize that although we process the world using our emotions, those same emotions can be exhausting. I tell my husband all the time, I'm not like this on purpose. It's very hard to be like this. I don't think anyone would choose it. When in a charged argument, please allow the ISFJ a break if they start to give signs of 'bricking up'. If they 'brick up' at every little thing, you may be dealing with someone very immature, very wounded, or perhaps the ISFJ just doesn't value the relationship OR the topic enough to expend all of that emotional energy.

May times writing is an easier way for me to express issues that I feel very strongly about. Ask the INTJ to engage you in a forum like this. One of the reasons we struggle with communication with you is that we don't want to be misunderstood, but sometimes our emotions mud up what we are trying to say. Because we are meticulous by nature , writing instead of verbally arguing or discussing can clear things up.





Natalie197 added to this post, 129 minutes and 21 seconds later...

I met a few ISFJ's. For the most part they are warm and gentle people. My issue with quite a few ISFJ's is that they expect too much out of themselves. They also have a tendency of abhering to traditions and customs too much. Other than that, they are great people.

This is one thing that perplexes me about INTJs! OK, so you think it's 'bad' that I adhere to traditions or customs. But why? My husband has NEVER been able to explain this to me to my satisfaction. I get that HE doesn't enjoy or 'get' certain things. But I do. So... why not just be happy and let me do my thing???

It's not that he doesn't let me btw... it's just his attitude is so... such a downer sometimes!!! One thing I worry about is when we have kids and how this will affect whether or how we establish our own family traditions.

[speedsuit721]

I went on four dates with an ISFJ. We had great conversations, but there was no romantic spark. He could never totally get my sense of humor. Subtle references and sarcasm eluded him. He was also extremely indecisive, said all the wrong things without trying to, and was terrified of conflict. There was no chance in hell of it working out.

[JTG1984]

So I have been reading these posts and I think you guys have us pretty figured out. It’s refreshing to see what another ISFJ has to say about things. I don’t know its of relevance anymore but if I were to deal with me or any ISFJ I would lay off the sarcastic jokes and remarks at first. I don’t know what it is but for some reason coming from an INTJ I feel like they are being aimed towards me. Otherwise what you say is true, very meticulous I spend an outrageous amount of time writing these lame ass comments and whatever else I do. Most of the time I don’t write comments on these threads because I know it will take a ton of time and energy. Don’t like conflict, cant say no but I am getting better at this. Extremely loyal and can say if you ever have an opportunity to be a close friend or in a relationship with one of us you will probably be set if you can deal with the emotional BS you speak of. But I don’t know if you can get past the awkwardness at first we really are not all that bad as some of you make us out to be.

[Hatsumomo1]

This is one thing that perplexes me about INTJs! OK, so you think it's 'bad' that I adhere to traditions or customs. But why? My husband has NEVER been able to explain this to me to my satisfaction. I get that HE doesn't enjoy or 'get' certain things. But I do. So... why not just be happy and let me do my thing???

It's not that he doesn't let me btw... it's just his attitude is so... such a downer sometimes!!! One thing I worry about is when we have kids and how this will affect whether or how we establish our own family traditions.

I know I probably can't speak for all of us, but overall I have no problems with tradition as long I don't see it as a negative factor (for instance, most gender roles.) Sometimes tradition can hold back progress, and we don't believe in tradition for tradition's sake. Unless the very nature of a tradition is useful, using it to justify something doesn't satisfy us. Our brains are programed to look at possibilities and figuring out how to improve things, and tradition often gets in our way.

[Natalie197]

Thanks Hatsumomo and yes, I think I see your point. My husband however will just reject a tradition just BECAUSE it's a tradition UNLESS he sees how it serves some purpose for him. I tried to explain to him that sometimes people just use them as a way to make memories or because they are beautiful. Some people would say music doesn't serve any actual purpose, but since he enjoys it (he is a musician) he sees that as 'useful'. It just seem like he throws out the baby with the bathwater sometimes!

[Rudy]

Thanks Hatsumomo and yes, I think I see your point. My husband however will just reject a tradition just BECAUSE it's a tradition UNLESS he sees how it serves some purpose for him. I tried to explain to him that sometimes people just use them as a way to make memories or because they are beautiful. Some people would say music doesn't serve any actual purpose, but since he enjoys it (he is a musician) he sees that as 'useful'. It just seem like he throws out the baby with the bathwater sometimes!
I think there is a lot of variance among INTJs as to attitudes towards tradition.

For myself, the key is that I don't respect tradition for tradition's sake. If I think a tradition is harmful, or serves no purpose whatsoever, I'll have no problem breaking it. I am more lenient about this, though, when dealing with people that I love.

I still enjoy things like holidays and such, though, because they're fun, or relaxing, or give a chance to enjoy family members.

[Ice Wolf]

Hmmm. I can't speak for all of my kind but there is something about tradition that makes my hair stand up. I can't stand it, inherently. Just can't. Sorry.

If there is something traditional it is usually:
- boring
- long
- redundant
- loud
- full of some obscure rules I am simply unable to remember.
- illogical
- I have to sit or stand still
- have to smile
- if I start daydreaming it is considered inappropriate (problem is that sometimes I start smiling while I am dwelling in my happy place. It can be quite notable if there is funeral going on around me.)
- I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE while there are more important things to be done :irked:

One with enough decency must admit, these kind of events are hardly INTJ heaven.

Fortunately I have a very understanding ISFJ friend who gives me directions if I am trapped on such grim occasions.

[Zsych]

I have no objections to traditions that serve a meaningful purpose.

@cj1: Let's see... I'd say you should talk about some of his more irrational issues (in a not so serious environment), and for the rest... if you're sure he's coming back to his senses in 2 minutes... consider those 2 minutes temporary insanity. Losing a good thing over periodic and very temporary idiocy doesn't seem worthwhile.

[echo]

My whole family is -SFJ. I agree with most of the comments posted about ISFJs. Here are some pieces of wisdom for dealing with ISFJs.

ISFJs are very sensitive people and take everything as an insult. For example, I'll read a book because I need my alone time. My little sister will see this as me avoiding her and will pout until I explain the reason behind my book reading. The SFJs in my family will generally be hurt unless I am specific with my motivations for doing what I do.

My advice: Be very specific with your motivations. ISFJs will understand/empathize and will try to help you (the above posts about optimization and small tasks are true).

ISFJs wear their hearts on their sleeves and are willing to wear your heart on their sleeve. Going back to the book reading example, if I tell my sister I needed alone time because my experiment didn't go as planned. My sister will empathize immediately (it is scary how fast she will go from being angry with me to hugging me). ISFJs are drawn to people in need/pain and seemingly want you to dump your troubles on them. I enjoy this characteristic a lot but have learned to share my troubles in small doses because the tender heart of an ISFJ is quickly overloaded (think tears). I think my sister takes things a lot harder than I do. Something will be a minor irritant to me but be an earth shattering event to her

My advice: Share your troubles with ISFJs but do so in moderation.

ISFJs think INTJs are arrogant and cold hearted. I think this is because INTJs tend to act on ideas without communicating the ideas to others. This acting without checking to make sure everyone is OK is seen as arrogant by the sensitive ISFJ. I still catch myself acting without checking and then I have to go apologize before the ISFJ figures it out. I think that ISFJs find INTJs to be cold because they expect INTJs to share/show the same emotions. I don't have the same emotions and I don't show emotions even if I have them. My family has learned this and will leave me alone to a certain extent but ISFJs that don't know me tend to run.

My advice: As far as being perceived as arrogant, it comes down to communicating. I still haven't figured out how to be seen as "human" by ISFJs. Anybody have good advice for this?

ISFJs don't just "get" things like INTJs. When explaining things to an ISFJ be very specific with your wording and use examples. ISFJs love/understand examples. ISFJs won't generally make metaphors but they can readily understand them. Do not any under any circumstances confuse ISFJs inability to "get" things as being dumb. If an ISFJ doesn't get something that you are trying to explain, it is your fault because you aren't explaining it well enough.

My advice: Give an ISFJ a proper explanation (with plenty of examples) and they will understand.

[lbloom]

They tend to have a very low need for someone to be constantly thanking them or showing signs of affection, which works well with INTJs who do not express this very often.

Huh. I've experienced quite the opposite - they need a constant supply of signs of affection to feel fulfilled.

[curiousjane]

Having conflict with an ISFJ is not limited to a Thinker vs. Feeler issue. In fact, from a Feeler vs. Feeler perspective, the conflicts are just intensified since both parties get emotionally wrapped up in the conflict and hate it, but also want to express their concerns and it just ...

is exhausting.

A relationship with someone of any type (even your own) still has its difficulties. Speaking from personal experience with the ISFJ type, I love my ISFJ friend dearly, but when we are at odds it drains me even more than when I am at odds with a Thinker of any type, because we both spiral into passive-aggressive tendencies because while she can speak her mind, I always feel like I have to bend but I don't want to, and then when I do assert myself, it is always strongly, with the expectation of receiving a battle. And then the battle comes, and I feel bad for asserting myself, and worry she's permanately mad with me, and I then am upset that she blames me for negative emotions that stress her out and its all my fault, etc. etc. Stressors in the environment (everything from sickness to fatigue to her relationships with others and the status of those relationships) just aggravates any negative spiral of events.

Basically, it's tough. But it's worth it. You just have to be willing to work things out ... over and over and over again. And to step back and think ... what else could be contributing to this reaction? Many times, when I've gotten into struggles with my ISFJ friend, it's because she's just too overwhelmed to deal. I provide the straw to break the camel's back.

I have to suck it up and set aside my F and ignore my irrational and overwhelming desire to lash back and just be the one who ends the battle. And move on.

[tanieemmons]

I think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.

Hi! I am an ISFJ. My husband is an INTJ and I just wanted to mention that in ISFJ can learn to be more talkative and open during conversation through practice and with helpful proding from the INTJ. The key here I think was patience, it was hard work and took a while, I know it was frustrating for him and emotional for me in the beginning. We ISFJ's can be very unsure of our thoughts and have a hard time articulating them, so I cried a lot and I think the emotional stuff was almost a bit too much for him, but he stuck through it and we have splendid open back and forth conversations now. You all probably think that I sound like some strange creature for having such a hard time with something that is so simple to you. Well i guess that's just me being uncertain of myself again, dang. Anyways We can be very intellectual people it we put our minds to it. It helps if we know how much it pleases the other person when we engage our minds with theirs, we love to please people! If you have any questions about my type just ask!





tanieemmons added to this post, 21 minutes and 6 seconds later...

Yes why is that. My isfj would always reread emails after they were already sent. and double check everything she typed or wrote. even if was alreayd out of her control. is it reassurance? cuz i kno she needs that. insecurity? or the need to have control over things? maybe even a lack of confidence?


For me it is just that I want to make sure that I am not going to be possibly offending someone by something I write. I look at what I wrote from many different perspectives to see if the meaning is correctly portrayed and that I am spelling properly. Basically it is worry over what the other person will think of what I write. We really like people to feel positively about us. (personally I would get more passionately in my e-mails then necessary and then worry that I came on too emotionally strong.)

p.s. as an aside, I noticed that the ISFJ's that posted on this, including myself, usually said "Hi" or introduced themselves first and the INTJ's just dove right in to what they wanted to say. I found that interesting.





tanieemmons added to this post, 26 minutes and 42 seconds later...


I have learned to deal with it, though. I just have to listen and nod and all the while keep telling myself, "It's not as bad even to her as she thinks it is in this moment. She doesn't want you to solve anything. She's not going to change anything. She just wants to feel like someone cares." And then she gets it all out of her system and the next time we talk all is sunshine and roses (or another storm has hit, but hey, at least it's a different one and I got on with my life in the meantime).


The phrase "In this moment" really sums it up for me. Being an ISFJ my emotions are really moment by moment or based on each individual situation, but we realize after the initial freak-out that it really isn't that big of a deal and we calm down pretty quickly and get on with life as normal.

[JTG1984]

Hi! I am an ISFJ. My husband is an INTJ and I just wanted to mention that in ISFJ can learn to be more talkative and open during conversation through practice and with helpful proding from the INTJ. The key here I think was patience, it was hard work and took a while, I know it was frustrating for him and emotional for me in the beginning. We ISFJ's can be very unsure of our thoughts and have a hard time articulating them, so I cried a lot and I think the emotional stuff was almost a bit too much for him, but he stuck through it and we have splendid open back and forth conversations now. You all probably think that I sound like some strange creature for having such a hard time with something that is so simple to you. Well i guess that's just me being uncertain of myself again, dang. Anyways We can be very intellectual people it we put our minds to it. It helps if we know how much it pleases the other person when we engage our minds with theirs, we love to please people! If you have any questions about my type just ask!





tanieemmons added to this post, 21 minutes and 6 seconds later...




For me it is just that I want to make sure that I am not going to be possibly offending someone by something I write. I look at what I wrote from many different perspectives to see if the meaning is correctly portrayed and that I am spelling properly. Basically it is worry over what the other person will think of what I write. We really like people to feel positively about us. (personally I would get more passionately in my e-mails then necessary and then worry that I came on too emotionally strong.)

p.s. as an aside, I noticed that the ISFJ's that posted on this, including myself, usually said "Hi" or introduced themselves first and the INTJ's just dove right in to what they wanted to say. I found that interesting.





tanieemmons added to this post, 26 minutes and 42 seconds later...



The phrase "In this moment" really sums it up for me. Being an ISFJ my emotions are really moment by moment or based on each individual situation, but we realize after the initial freak-out that it really isn't that big of a deal and we calm down pretty quickly and get on with life as normal.


Hi! I have some questions. How long did it take you to respond to these posts? How many times did you have to proof read? How many times did you delete and rewrite your responses? :p Just giving you a hard time! But I do agree I have alot of the same issues, go figure!

[tanieemmons]

Hi! I have some questions. How long did it take you to respond to these posts? How many times did you have to proof read? How many times did you delete and rewrite your responses? :p Just giving you a hard time! But I do agree I have alot of the same issues, go figure!


It didn't take me too long, maybe a few minutes. I've taught myself to not worry so much about what people think so it doesn't take me nearly as long as it used to. I reread it 2 times and fixed some spelling and wording that I thought wasn't right.

I love taking time to think about all of the posts that I read. I think that I read them all in a couple of hours. I find personalities very intriguing. :-) Thanks for the hard time! :-)

I'm not even going to re-read this post at all! :-)

[Maedhi]

My sister is an ISFJ. Her adherence to traditions and customs drives me up the wall. She never seems to question them. She is able to look down on others who follow their traditions without realising that she does the same herself. She seems to be convinced that everyone is looking at her wherever she goes and therefore we all have to behave 'normally'. She calls me modern in a tone of voice which makes me feel that I have been accused of pedophilia. She can then switch to being loving and affectionate in a way I find... revolting. I know she is a really nice person, but we just can't get along. The combination of suffocating and irrational is too much for me.

[zudusu]

My mom is ISFJ and I can't believe how often and how much she believes others are paying attention to her and/or her family. She is extremely concerned with what others think about the silliest, most minor things. For example, she'll be APPALLED that my dad has a piece of hair sticking up when they're out to eat. I remember as teens my friends and I would act up just enough to put my mom into a state of major embarrassment but not really draw attention to ourselves. It was fun to drive her nuts and then she'd majorly go off on us which was also fun.

My ISFJ boss takes things incredibly personally. I learned too late to never question "why?" Instead of just giving me a bit more information and satisfying my question, she believes I'm questioning her sanity, her reasoning, her ability to manage and her general worth as a human. I've deeply offended her over something like "Don't drink the water from the drinking fountain today." Why? I obviously am just curious whether they're working outside on the main water line or whatever. She takes it as complete disrespect and insubordination.

[Mighty Sprite]

I had a long term relationship with an ISFJ. It lasted almost two years, and it got to the point where we were living together for about a year.

ISFJs have a lot of positive traits. They're very warm and caring. They believe in doing the right thing. They're extremely loyal.

They tend to be quite introverted and only have a few core friends. They will go out of their way to help and support you. They tend to have a very low need for someone to be constantly thanking them or showing signs of affection, which works well with INTJs who do not express this very often.

Give ISFJs tasks. They love doing certain mundane things that drive INTJs nuts. They're also very good at optimizing things. Have her go find the best deal or the finest quality things by comparison. Have her figure out how to optimize the mundane tasks in life.

I think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.

So in a way, that works since a lot of people can't really handle a strong minded INTJ. After we broke up though, I finally squeezed it out of her that we viewed certain things in a very different manner. I felt massively betrayed. Not because she didn't agree with me on certain things, but because she never let on that she did. I felt like I had been wasting a ton of time and energy trying to help her understand certain things when she wasn't interested or simply wouldn't agree for some reason that she would never disclose.

I notice that they also tend to get walked on by people. I didn't care for most of her friends, but who she socializes with is her business. It's not my place to dictate who she does and doesn't socialize with, but there were a few individuals that she kept around that seriously upset me. I'd watch these people take advantage of her kindness and use her as an emotional dumping ground. She's an I too, so she doesn't have a very high tolerance. But she refused to cut certain people off who would use her, despite my insistence that not doing so will cause her extreme distress.

Anyways, I think that ISFJs are a good match for everything except for intellectual stimulation. Unfortunately, this one point is a rather critical one for an INTJ. I had to break it off because my mental connection with someone is crucial. Otherwise, I would have been a happy man.

---


That all depends. Frankly that is why I find my fellow ISFJ's to be very boring. It is unfortunate, but being that ISFJ's are the most common type, it's unsurprising that they represent a large portion of the unthinking masses. There are a variety of things though that can snap them out of that, and develop their thinking and intuition.

One is having NT friends and family.

Another is rejection from society. I often find that anyone of a minority position, actually has a higher chance of becoming a more "Mature" or well balanced in their TYPE because they are forced to look at things from a variety of angles. Conversely, they also have a higher chance of being even more immature and belligerent, if they end up becoming centered on faults, and blame the rest of the world.

ISFJ's however inparticular would be EXTREMELY affected by rejection from society, because they are SJ TRADITIONALISTS and HARMONIZERS. If they are being rejected by tradition, and removed from any sort of social harmony, it bashes their normal sense of self and forces them to look at other coping mechanisms and other ways of going about life.

I am not trying to erroneously inform anyone, the average ISFJ is going to be deeply useless in a good intellectual conversation, however, don't give up on them if you have influence! I think it's so unfortunate that ISFJ's are so...boring sometimes. Because they are able to conform so easily since they can mesh well with all types, as they find something, anything in common with them,...that takes away their social challenge, and without challenge no one develops.

"Why?"

Ask your ISFJ "Why?" and if they don't have an answer make them get one. It's terrible, because I am asking you, anyone, to make them uncomfortable, but they really need it to grow as an individual!





Mighty Sprite added to this post, 312 minutes and 38 seconds later...

My mom is ISFJ and I can't believe how often and how much she believes others are paying attention to her and/or her family. She is extremely concerned with what others think about the silliest, most minor things. For example, she'll be APPALLED that my dad has a piece of hair sticking up when they're out to eat. I remember as teens my friends and I would act up just enough to put my mom into a state of major embarrassment but not really draw attention to ourselves. It was fun to drive her nuts and then she'd majorly go off on us which was also fun.

My ISFJ boss takes things incredibly personally. I learned too late to never question "why?" Instead of just giving me a bit more information and satisfying my question, she believes I'm questioning her sanity, her reasoning, her ability to manage and her general worth as a human. I've deeply offended her over something like "Don't drink the water from the drinking fountain today." Why? I obviously am just curious whether they're working outside on the main water line or whatever. She takes it as complete disrespect and insubordination.


I don't quite understand that actually. If a person is being a dick and asking questions, everyone knows that. But I like it when people ask why, because it allows me to explain whatever to them, and I love explaining things. Sometimes I get really irritated when people forget details that I find important, so I lose patience with restating the same detail, so if you asking a questions you really aught to already know in my opinion. Which is mean and condescending of me, but hey you know, it happens.
Also ISFJ's put emotional importance on details, which is why they actually matter to us. We memorize information about people in specific. Which is why we are good with names, and dates, because they have emotional significance to us. So I know I always get really upset when my mother (an ISFP) for some reason can't remember my favorite this, or what I like to eat, or that I hate something that I know I have told her more than once. Or that I hate my door being left open, pisses me off.

[callalilly]

The ISFJ I know are sensitive but don't want to admit it.
They are very opinionated but do not really like conflict, which because they are opinionated they get into anyway.
My Isfj friend told me I analyzed everything to put them into categorizes and see if they benefit me or the person I'm analyzing then told me that it could backfire.I denied it but they were right I hate being read so easily.Every personality trait could backfire so I am confused as to why they added that part. (shrugs shoulders) And added I always thought I was right.. okay...
When I told him he was sensitive he threw a fit and started explaing that he was just stubborn and held grudges-hmn"smiling to myself" sounds like an emotional response to me.
They do not have the ability to see the bigger picture, they are always pointing out pointless things(IN THE PAST). They are very intuitive though and are pretty good at reading people.
In an argument they will be the more emotional person and refuse to see things logically.
They will bring up fifty million personal examples to try to prove their point and you will bring up fifty million statistics that refutes it.
Do not use your INTJ abstract thinking, to ISFJ its like what the heck are you talking about.
and that dry sense of humor INTJ's have, you will have to reel back on, because they WILL take it personal.
Do not be quiet with them because the are so self enormed (being sarcastic here) they think you are analyzing them. When in fact you might simply be thinking about a book you read.
The do value traditions while INTJ'S value the value in traditions if its pointless, its pointless.
The one I know is very flirtatious I don't know if all of them are.
They are hard workers, and very caring.

[rain]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?

ISFJs in my opinion are the easiest personality type to deal with. Usually an ISFJ will do something before I even ask them to do it. They are very intuitive about the needs of others, thoughtful, considerate people.

They're also very observant and come up with brilliant suggestions at times that are just spot on.

I love ISFJs :)

[igeryu]

I am unsure, how many INTJ's deals with this type of personality types : To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I've dealt with an immature ISFJ and the current mature ISFJ. I know there are alot of emotions destroying their mental judgments, like crazy. I don't mind talking to the mature ISFJ because I'm more like an alternative checks and balance. Because ISFJ's tend to worry alot about, if they keep on screwing up or missing something or more emotions. As compared to immature ISFJ in communicating to an INTJ will point out the obvious, but ISJ's tend to ignore it, as opposed to the mature ISFJ; I am cool with that. The comforting part by giving them something to do productively, they will kinda overdo the task, which is fine because it saves me time and I can get straight to the point in my discussions. For me, like to be very efficient and cut to the chase, especially when someone is really prepared :)

So have anyone dealt with ISFJ personality before?

My wife tested as ISFJ :shocked:




I almost didn't post here because my personal bias probably will show through…but here goes. I have an intimate relationship with an ISFJ and it's driving me crazy!

On the positive side; she is caring, giving, devoted, dedicated and committed to family. There is nothing that she won't do for her children and her motto is, "Family comes first". She is intelligent and highly organized and has a memory like a steel trap (once it's in there, is cannot be removed except by excessive force). She has a strict framework for "how things should be" and anything that conflicts with that framework – to her – does not exist. That's it! Things either are the way that she thinks they should be, or they "don't make sense" and are therefore non-existent. Things are black-and-white, there is no middle ground. Flexibility and change are anathema to her, she hates surprises. If she says she's going to do something, then she's going to do it and she expect nothing less from everyone else. She envisions herself as everyone's protector. Her life's ambition (in her own words) is to, "Keep people from falling into a pit", and woe be unto you if you don't see the "pit" because she'll save you whether you want to be saved, or not.

On the negative side; she is opinionated and not afraid to say what she thinks, no matter the effect it might have ("it's for your own good"). She is manipulative and controlling and will use whatever means are necessary to get what she wants. If you let her, she will take over every aspect of your life down to the most minute level. With her, it's "my way, or the highway" and as far as she's concerned, that's not a bad thing because her way is the best way (or so she feels). She is smothering in relationships, wanting to monopolize and dominate every interaction – there is no such thing as "me time". And that is justified because "that is the way it's supposed to be".

Every action is performed out of emotion and not from rational thinking. As a matter of fact she engages in "magical thinking" quite regularly – ascribing unknown, and unknowable attributes to ordinary items. Her mantra is, "Everything happens for a reason" – and that reason is not necessarily for us to know.

I'd better stop, otherwise I'll really start to rant…

Bold - me, on things in common with my wife.






...They will go out of their way to help and support you. They tend to have a very low need for someone to be constantly thanking them or showing signs of affection, which works well with INTJs who do not express this very often.

She constantly goes out of her way to help our neighbors and new friends...It's to the point where people don't flock to here because of a desired friendship, but rather because they have something to gain by playing the part as her friend. I absolutely hate people like that...

think the biggest problem we had was that having an intellectual conversation with her was impossible. She was not stupid in the slightest, but she would never engage my intuitive mind. I often felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I usually had absolutely no idea if she agreed or disagreed. I would often go to great lengths to try to get her to understand certain things that were very important to me, and it always seemed like it was going over her head. Although, since I usually got no response, I had no idea if it actually was or not.

Same...although she does talk to me with things that I prefer to talk about from time to time...things intellectually stimulating. But more often I get the half-distracted response, and then a quick subject-change that tells me I started to bore her with my NT babble.

I notice that they also tend to get walked on by people. I didn't care for most of her friends, but who she socializes with is her business. It's not my place to dictate who she does and doesn't socialize with, but there were a few individuals that she kept around that seriously upset me. I'd watch these people take advantage of her kindness and use her as an emotional dumping ground. She's an I too, so she doesn't have a very high tolerance. But she refused to cut certain people off who would use her, despite my insistence that not doing so will cause her extreme distress..

Bold - me...see my first comment to Gaius Baltar...this happens way too often to my wife.



She was emotionally unhealthy though. I had to bend over backwards to not hurt her feelings all the time and it was really exhausting.

My wife's not to the same extreme as this, but I understand the feeling.

[Rachel45]

My husband is an ISFJ according to the last online personality test he took. He really does not come across as this type (he is quite gregarious). He seems to be more of an ESFJ (he does like to spend a fair amount of time decompressing after work,etc), so I would say he has a slight preference for extraversion. He has all the makings of an ESFJ. He is EXTREMELY dedicated to our family and likes to micro-manage everyone. I always joke with him that he is like a "big mom".On the other hand, my future daughter-in-law is an ISFJ and displays a definite penchant for introversion and likes to "interview" me when it comes to her wanting to know what I am currently doing. She also seems to have a very good memory..

[rain]

My husband is an ISFJ according to the last online personality test he took. He really does not come across as this type (he is quite gregarious). He seems to be more of an ESFJ (he does like to spend a fair amount of time decompressing after work,etc), so I would say he has a slight preference for extraversion. He has all the makings of an ESFJ. He is EXTREMELY dedicated to our family and likes to micro-manage everyone. I always joke with him that he is like a "big mom".On the other hand, my future daughter-in-law is an ISFJ and displays a definite penchant for introversion and likes to "interview" me when it comes to her wanting to know what I am currently doing. She also seems to have a very good memory..

Perhaps you don't understand the personality types. ISFJs typically tend to be very social. However, the difference between ISFJs and ESFJs is that the latter tends not to as focused on such things like loyalty and duties and don't hold them in high regard. ESFJs are more focused on the sensual experience, whereas ISFJs are more interested in regimentation and building trust and commitment.

Your future daughter in law sounds more like an INFJ. INFJs are very guarded and typically don't like to socialize at all.

[avrilon17]

I've been in a close relationship with ISFJ man. He is 23 and I'm 21.. even I can say that i am more mature than him.. Well, i don't know whether this relationship should step further or not. In one side I just think we are not suitable.. we don't match in our conversation.. He doesn't understand my great or serious thoughts.. Maybe an INTJ is also hard to be close to.. He said that he sees different me when he gets closer to me..
well, i can understand this..

In the other side, he is a very kind guy.. he really care and showing his love.. he gave me a lot of gifts and surprises.. can not deny my self that i do like the way he loves me..

[searcher]

I'm fairly sure that my mother is an ISFJ. We're both very good at doing exactly the wrong thing towards each other.

To be perfectly frank, I've given up trying to explain things to her as she never manages to understand what I'm on about. It's like there's this little switch in her brain - as soon as she gets her first impression of what I say, a whole load of concrete is automaticly dumped on top of it.

She gets worked up over things easily (especially my refusal to accept that her way is the right way, or that there even is a right way).
"I want to help" and "I want you to be happy" are common phrases, but insincere to me. When I hear those phrases my immediate mental reaction is "no, you want to help YOUR way/me to be happy YOUR way".

My way or the highway definitely sums it all up. And it's driving me insane.

[intuitthis]

I had a friendship with an ISFJ, and she frequently violated my values of fundamental fairness. For example, if we had longstanding plans for a particular event, she would drop me like a stone if a family member called and invited her to something else.

I have two in-laws I think are ISFJs...I have run into the blood is thicker than water situation with them....again violated my value of fundamental fairness.

[Seraphim]

Been married to an ISFJ for 33 years. Wouldn't have anyone else. We're complete opposites who mesh perfectly, rather like yin and yang.

[Jessamein]

I get along with my ISFJ friend real fine. He's an awesome dude, although he gets puzzled with my logic sometimes. :/

[DrArt]

Mmm. I've been casually dating an ISFJ for 3 weeks (at least I think she's an ISFJ - haven't asked her about her MBTI profile). And I think I'm starting to realise why I like her so much even though it's been just a couple of weeks ......

She reminds me of MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Mom also appears to an ISFJ)

[mindstate]

My older brother tests ISFJ. Here's what I can offer about my experience with my isfj.

Pros:

Extremely warm
Very loyal
Takes in a lot of information before making a judgement about someone
Can see the good and bad in someone without having to see them as all good or all bad
Very good at finding out how to do something mechanical correctly the first time
Willing to listen and help you work through a problem

Cons:

The pros only count if he is happy with you, otherwise, he's an ice king.
Prying
Offers advice on how to live your life without being asked
Extremely manipulative, uses interpersonal relationships/common associations to apply pressure to make you do what he wants you to.
Says things that could be taken good or bad but uses tone and inflection to give the words a shaming or disapproving quality.
Can flip back and forth between all for you, all against you, and you not existing with disturbing speed and frequency.

I tend to be very direct and he tends to be very indirect which can cause hurt feelings on his end. I find that I have to act more buddy buddy with him if I want him to respond positively toward me. When I am interacting with him in a social setting I tend to not make so many TJ statements as he tends those against me by appealing to other people's emotions to vilify me or my opinions. The definiteness of an INTJ will be perceived as a threat by an ISFJ due to their overwhelming lack of confidence in themselves due to fear of failure, so I try to tone it down, or point out his strengths to him when we are together.

We don't get along well.

[antistu]

I am just officially discovering my wife is an ISFJ; we’ve been married for almost 12 years and been together for nearly 15. Most what is said here previously stands correct. We’ve always known we are complete opposites but it’s more like a compliment to our relationship (the whole “opposites attract” sort of thing).

The oil & water mixture is apparent but the I - - J similarities is what I expect is the glue/bond. One thing I have come to appreciate about her over the years is she has helped me become a better person by showing me I have an emotional side and helped me to be less arrogant. My daughter is now 5, and my showing affection towards her has a very positive affect on her – along with my wife (for example, she’ll tell us she loves us several times a day sometimes).

We had one short period where we sought consultation in a Marriage Counselor and I distinctly remember her telling me if I was with someone who is exactly like I am “we would kill each other.” I positively agree with that analysis.

On the stimulation for intellectual conversation, I’ll admit this is sometimes a problem. My best friend is an ENTP and we spend a lot of time together venting and working on various art projects. We also travel and converse with others like us frequently. I find this a good balance. In addition, I would not shrug off complete absence of good conversation, my wife is extremely understanding and we often agree on certain matters sometimes late night chats are some of the best I have with anyone.

I am positive that there is no one that would put up with my shit like she does and I couldn’t see myself with any other type.

[stopwinking]

I think this sums up my experience with ISFJs:

INTJ Me : "My sister and I are estranged but she doesn't know it"

"What is 'it' ?! Just say it!"

ISFJ Sister: "My baby sister is so emotionally needy and I always have to take care of her,what a burden...I'm such a good big sister."

"I can't believe you just said that."




Some quotes from ISFJ personality studies:
'They have a hard time letting go of bad relationships and moving on after a relationship ends'
'They withhold their true feelings which causes pent up resentment and sometimes long held grudges both of which can release passive agressive behavior that even the ISFJ may not be aware of themselves'

ALSO what searcher(with my mom too, although I don't know her MBTI) and mindstate mention more clearly and succinctly.
Especially in mindstate's collected cons above, all this is what I'm going through with 'Big Sis' right now as I am trying to relocate...especially trying to use our interpersonal connections to control my life- I think this is what she thinks of as 'having to take care of her needy baby sister' which is how she describes my self to me : Needy, which I am not. But, then I am also told by her when I need to be showing emotion for her and *ugh* ya, all that typical controlling,hypochritical, doubletalking ISFJ stuff ( we're all controlling sometimes in our ways...she's ISFJ to a tee)

[larrysb]

ISFJ are warm, kind, giving and loyal. But they have a dark side of boiling negative emotion just waiting for a chance to lash out. It doesn't happen alot, but it is like a volcano. The darkness is often very self-destructive, which leads to...

Being sensate feelers, they have strong affinity for addictions to alcohol, drugs and food and whatever. Be on the look out for this. They also tend to co-dependency and will actively enable alcoholics and addicts and so on.

The emotional roller coastering is exhausting. High, low, "why don't you do this for me, why can't you just know what I want."

ISFJ is one of the most common MBTI. They seem to be attracted to xNTx because they like the stability they don't have so much in themselves. But they can't handle the fact there's not some warm and gooey everflowing gusher of emotion inside an INTJ "if they can just get close enough to let it out."