xNTJ + xNTJ relationship = No magic?

[pletharoe]

Hi All!
OK, up to now all my previous girl friends have been fairly touchy feely emotional types. Always intelligent, but certainly not abstract thinkers. I recently met a new girl and suddenly everything's different. I'm guessing that like me, she's xNTJ. This, coupled with meeting on a dating web site has meant that we can be totally honest with one another. This may sound like an INTJ nirvana. No "Does she like me or doesn't she?", JUST ASK. No "How do I go for that first kiss?" JUST ASK. It's uncanny, it's like we know what's going on in each other's heads.

Unfortunately this has removed some of the "magic" or "excitement" from the relationship. It's almost like a science. We've admitted to each other that we fulfill each others "requirements" perfectly. So why no "spark". Are we just rational and unemotional?

Has anyone else here had a similar experience?

[Vagrant]

My ex was an INTJ. The scary bit was we were just like each other -- in mind, in humor, and even in dress. Sadly, my requirements at the time were just like another INTJ -- which ended badly not because of no spark (Oh, trust me, we would've started forest fires with the sparks), it ended badly because of poor communication and effort. INTJ's in general are bad at saying what they actually mean.

[Sean O]

That depends on what you mean by "spark". Sometimes attraction grows a little more gradually, although it can still end up just as significant as attraction that sparked up in a heartbeat.

[Firebrand]

My ex was an INTJ. INTJ's in general are bad at saying what they actually mean. I don't agree. Maybe that applies to you but it's not universal. The INTJ's here and the ones I know personally all say exactly what they mean.

[Vagrant]

I don't agree. Maybe that applies to you but it's not universal. The INTJ's here and the ones I know personally all say exactly what they mean.

But it's never taken exactly the way they mean -- we aren't good communicators.

[Indubitably]

But it's never taken exactly the way they mean -- we aren't good communicators.

That and its not uncommon for INTJs to mix and match sarcasm with normal speech. Even other INTJs don't always pick up on what is and isn't intended to be sarcastic, and you have twice as much of it with two INTJs.

[amaryllith]

But it's never taken exactly the way they mean -- we aren't good communicators.


EXACTLY.

Nobody ever manages to interpret anything I say the way it was intended. Doesn't matter how artfully I paint it or how painfully and unimaginatively straightforward I try to make it: IT NEVER WORKS.

*exasperated with the illusion of 'communication' here*

[zibber]

But it's never taken exactly the way they mean -- we aren't good communicators.

Some people just can't take literal statements literally. Well, except when I'm being sarcastic, that's when people finally take things literally.

[Zombicide]

It's just you guys.

Or [I'm guessing that like me, she's xNTJ] maybe you're just wrong in your typing her.

Or maybe you two regardless of the obvious mental compatibility, are just not physically attracted to one another enough to spark.

Eh, who knows huh? Does she feel the same way?

[schwartzie]

You may want to give it time.

Extraordinary intimacy is possible if you indeed understand what's going on in each other's minds. It can be not only 'magic' but even surreal, disorienting.

*thinks of vulcan mind meld.* Weird.

[pletharoe]

We both feel the same. We've actually said that the boxes are well and truly ticked:
Physical
Politics
Hobbies
Sense of humour
Interests
Way of thinking (methodology / logic)

I think that maybe because we already seem to know each other so well (only 5 - 6 dates but we're so similar it's like we've know each other for years) our mental intimacy is already very far on, but emotionally we don't have the love to match it.