Be more demented than the last poster

[Luthor Rex]

In honor of Nikita, who likes this kind of thing (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), I have decided to start a light and fun thread to see just how demented INTJ's can be.

You don't have to respond directly to the last last post so much as just be more demented than it. Ok, I'll start...

Q: What do you get when you stab a baby?

A: An erection!

[Nikita]

(lol - oh this should be in the Game Threads, I'm sure a mod will shuffle it over)

Q: What's more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

A: A barrel of kittens drowning in acid!

[True Rune]

Q: What's worse than 7 babies nailed to 1 tree?
A: 1 baby nailed to 7 trees.

[Luthor Rex]

I tried the game forum but it said I needed 500 posts or something.

Q: What's the best part of having an eight year old girl?

A: You can turn her around and pretend she's an 8 y/o boy.

[rara avis]

What does Michael Jackson love about thirty-eight year olds?

There are thirty of them.

[Nikita]

What's the best part about having a snake as a pet?


You don't need a man!

[Franklin71]

What's the best thing about child porn?

You can watch it a million times, and the children never get older.





Franklin71 added to this post, 1 minutes and 19 seconds later...

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You've already told her twice.

[Nikita]

What's better than getting to dissect a cadaver?

Holding a still beating heart in your hand while you look into the horrified eyes of the still living person strapped to the table.

[Tyrant Soup]

How do we solve the homelessness problem?

Answer: Build more prisons.

[citationneeded]

...oh, and can someone tell me how much is that window in the doggy?

[Nikita]

What should be installed in all prisons to help reduce the chances of escape?


Acid sprinkler systems that work on motion sensors.

[Anton]

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

[TheLastMohican]

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Every time you quote me in this thread, you kill an american.

Fun.

[Nikita]

Every time you don't you kill a puppy.

[TheLastMohican]

Why not do both?

[PHS Philip]

(An ENTP will win. No doubt about it)

[mplogue]

"Hey Peter - I can see your house from here!"

[Nikita]

Q: What's more fun than stepping on a crack?

A: Actually breaking your mother's back.

[hullolife]

I had Italian food for dinner.

Baby intestine noodles and placenta sauce.

[Luthor Rex]

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

[TheLastMohican]

(An ENTP will win. No doubt about it)

I must ensure my victory, hence




<--

[mplogue]

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?


The taste

[BlackOp]

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

I masturbate WHILE killing kittens..surrounded by pictures of my mother giving me a sponge bath. Listening to Kenny G, John Tesh and Yanni simultaneously....and have tears streaming down my cheeks then fits of laughter..then tears again. I am only wearing high-heel sneakers, blue eyeshadow and a red afro wig. Have a half eaten pineapple sundae on my nightstand and my room smells of ham.. Scented pinetree candles and a car battery attached to my testicles. My makeup is smeared and wig matted....Charles in Charge is on the TV. Scott Baio and I are in love....we're getting married.

I have pictures...:p

[Nikita]

I collect sperm, dehydrate it, package it, and sell it as baby formula.


I have pictures...

Post them and you just might have this thread wrapped up. :evil:

[BlackMita]

i found an arm in the ravine, it was so manly i brought it home, i had to hid it under my bed, i noticed i stopped having the chasing dreams when it was there, but was too rotty and smelt, and did not want mom find out, so i took the ketchup into my room and ate a bit each day, still no chasing dreams, tired of ketchup though

[BlackOp]

I collect sperm, dehydrate it, package it, and sell it as baby formula.




Post them and you just might have this thread wrapped up. :evil:

I'm an intj...I'm in denile of my accomplishments. :p I may never have another female here talk to me...the price you pay.;)

[rara avis]

I have pictures...:p



Post them and you just might have this thread wrapped up. :evil:


BlackOp, please, use the spoiler feature this time - every time I go in the spreading rumors thread I have to see that nudie pic you posted in all its humongous glory... *shudder* (...and always have to peer at it again- it's hard to comprehend.)

[Nikita]

What's more fun than feeding rice to pigeons?


Sticking a mentos on a dogs's tongue, tying its mouth shut, and feeding coca cola into it with a catheter.

[BlackOp]

BlackOp, please, use the spoiler feature this time - every time I go in the spreading rumors thread I have to see that nudie pic you posted in all its humongous glory... *shudder* (...and always have to peer at it again- it's hard to comprehend.)
Blackop is busy cutting out the face of his mothers photographs....replacing them with Rara. Scott will be SO jealous. :p

This is too much fun.....shooting barrels in a monkey.

[Franklin71]

You know, the reason the "slow" children ride the short bus is so they won't get lost.

[Luthor Rex]

Q: What's six inches long and makes a woman scream all night long?

A: Her dead baby.

[rara avis]

What's slightly brown and sometimes found in children's underpants?


Michael Jackson's hand...

[True Rune]

All of us INTJ's, hugging and kissing and enjoying small talk.

[Freedom Geek]

Q: What am I practicing for when I skin a potato?
A: Cutting a man's skin off with a shard of glass and feeling the strips to their own dog

[ClydeB]

Sticking a mentos on a dogs's tongue, tying its mouth shut, and feeding coca cola into it with a catheter.No, whats fun is taking a piece of a slim jim and injecting it with about 7 or 8 drops of that super concentrated menthol breath drops. Then tossing it to a dog. They chomp down on it and then spend 30 minutes trying to get the taste out of their mouth while making hilarious expressions of betrayal and disgust at you. Had a friend back in high school that wouldn't train their dog not to jump on people. After 2 times of the fresh breath treatment the dog wouldn't get within 10 feet of me.

Ok, back to the thread.
Q. Whats worse than constipation.
A. Knowing its right there and can't get past the sphincter until you lick your finger then reach up there and manually break it up for easier release. Even worse when your spit dries up and you have to relube.

[Nikita]

What's more fun than doing granny at the brothel?


Doing her AFTER she picks the genital scabs.

[ClydeB]

Whats worse than telling some poor downtrodden panhandler to F*** off?

Drop a correctly folded advertisement like the spoiler somewhere public in a poor neighborhood. Then sit back and watch.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Better yet. Get some of these things (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) and do the same outside of a gas station / convenience store.

[Nikita]

What's worse than ignoring a panhandler?


Pulling up beside one at a light, grabbing his backpack and other belongings from the curb, then driving off with it.

[ClydeB]

Q., Whats worse then not sending aid to 3rd world countries to help sick children?
A. Put antifreeze in baby teething medicine and send it to a 3rd world country to help get rid of some undesirables quicker.

[Andrew Popovici]

Q: What am I practicing for when I skin a potato?
A: Cutting a man's skin off with a shard of glass and feeling the strips to their own dog

GREAT movie, by the way!

[ClydeB]

Incest, the game the whole family can play.
Though its not so fun when you have to dig them up first.

[Nikita]

(clyde - LOL!!!)

This won't beat that:

What's worse than finding a body in the dumpster?

Finding half a body.

[Zzyber]

Whats worse than finding a dead baby in the dumpster?

Finding 5 dead babies in the dumpster.

[Reganon]

What's easier than clubbing baby seals?

Drinking baby seal flavored club soda.

[ClydeB]

whats worse than drinking baby seal flavored club soda.

*The soda lost its fizz.
*You see high fructose corn syrup in the ingredients
*Its not organic. Artificial flavors and colors.
*Its not as chunky as you prefer.

[Nikita]

What was Lorena Bobbitt's biggest mistake?

Not putting John's dick in the blender and serving it up with a celery stalk.

[Zzyber]

I once saw a guy cut part of his own penis off and then eat it. Wost video EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nikita]

(that is awesome! lol)


I once saw a video of tribal circumcisions - male and female ones. They stretch the skin over a piece of wood and chop it off with a rusty butcher knife.

[ClydeB]

Whats worse than two extremely obese people having sex?

When they use gravy as a lubricant and body oil.

[Freedom Geek]

I prance around covering nuns with gasoline. Nuns and children that is. I throw a few matches and dance around the bond fire. Dance around the bond fire!
I get a knife and cut the corpses up real good! I find the incriminating parts. I get my bell and begin to yell.
"Free barbecued meats for all!"
People swarm, push and shove for a hunk of lil Jimmy and Reverend John. I come up to one and, "that's your son."
She laughs and brushes me off.
I prance away leaving no DNA behind for the cops.

I hope people get the tune I tried to imprint in that passage.

[Franklin71]

You know what's outrageous? My utter failure to be outraged by any of this.

[BlackOp]

Top this fuckers....

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[Franklin71]

I recorded "Two Girls, One Cup" over the public library's "Barney" videos.

[ClydeB]

I recorded "Two Girls, One Cup" over the public library's "Barney" videos.I had to google that. Now I wish I didn't. Just the text description made me throw up in my mouth a bit.

How about I record some barney over your "Two Girls, One Cup" video? :D

[Zzyber]

Yeah well I sent my grandmother a copy of Tub Girl.

[Luthor Rex]

Yeah well I sent my grandmother a copy of Tub Girl.

Oh yeah? Well my grandmother was in Tub Girl!

[Nikita]

What's worse than wearing an eye patch over an empty socket?

Letting your boyfriend use the empty eye socket for intercourse.

[Zzyber]

Whats worse than burying you dead grandma? Leaving a deposit in her beforehand.

[Nikita]

What's worse than burying your dead grandmother and leaving a deposit in her beforehand? Digging her up and doing it again.

[Zzyber]

Well there is always something to be said for bestiality mixed with necrophilia.

[ClydeB]

What's worse than burying your dead grandmother and leaving a deposit in her beforehand? Digging her up and doing it again.
Ok whats worse than that? Once your done have her over for dinner. Or is that have her for dinner?

[Snowdragon]

Have her over for dinner.

What's worse, being buried alive or being torn in two at the waist (like what happened to Capt. Rhodes from Day of the Dead.)

[Franklin71]

Have her over for dinner.

What's worse, being buried alive or being torn in two at the waist (like what happened to Capt. Rhodes from Day of the Dead.)

Buried alive. That's a lot of freshly barbecued entrails going to waste.

[ClydeB]

Ok, figured I would tell you about one of my more personal demented things I do for fun.
I hang out quite a bit in a christian themed coffee shop. They have this take a book, leave a book shelves where you can peruse all the christian themed stuff. I enjoy finding a really crappy book like some warhammer demon fiction and leave it on the shelf after I read it. Then see how long it lasts. It's fun watching the holier than thou types that frequent the place see the book, pull it, read the back, then get a wtf is THIS doing here? and put it back on the shelf. Because they are too christian to throw it away.

Of course I do that at other places with old worn out copies of Catcher in the Rye too. Had a paranoid ex military friend I had some fun with. I found 10 copies of it in the red bound cover at a used book store. All pretty much identical. Spent a year replacing the copy at his home when he threw away the book. And put it back in different places every time. He finally caught me at it and gave me the riot act. Seems he was yelling at his wife to stop rescuing it when he threw it in the trash. Never thought someone would go to the trouble of finding some identical books for a long term prank. It cost me all of 10 dollars. Worth every penny twigging his paranoia like that.

A bit of harmless fun

[Zzyber]

I dig the graves for the threads that Clyde kills.

[dalidaisy]

Wanna see my breakfast? (ok, you may not want to look, really)

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Don't blame me, you asked for it...

[Zzyber]

HA! You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

[dalidaisy]

;D Among other things...





dalidaisy added to this post, 7 minutes and 48 seconds later...

If you have a problem with it, I'll be more than happy to change your mind. Just step into my office...

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[ClydeB]

A guy in my office likes to listen to crap country on his little cheap FM radio. Annoys the hell out of the rest of us. I end up buying a cheap FM jammer off ebay for 26 bucks. Whenever he got annoying. Which did not take long. I would turn on my jammer and tune it in. Off, then on, off then on, for months. Would adjust the signal so that it would just slightly affect the channel making it softer and crappier. Then turn it off so that his radio would flare up. Played all sorts of games.
When I told the others what I was doing, they almost split their sides. Because they had been wondering wtf was going on. Got them to run it on days and times I wasn't there. Make sure there was no pattern between my being there and the interference.

Funniest day was when he said. "I just don't understand it, there must be something in the building that's interfering with it." Close, but no cigar. He finally gave up on FM and started doing streaming audio from the internet. And I have ways of messing with that on our internal network too.

To this day he does not know what we did. And still occasionally do for some piece of mind.

[Reganon]

What did the deaf, blind, and retarded boy get for Christmas?

Cancer

[Freedom Geek]

What did the blind, deaf, retarded and cancerous girl get for christmas?
Pregnant.

[Nikita]

What's worse than being raped? Enjoying it.

[Freedom Geek]

Know what I like to do? I find a fat person and I mean huge, picture the fattest person on earth here and I get a drill. I tie them down and drill a hole. I then rape the hole.

[Zzyber]

What’s worse than being disorganized? Having Nikita tell you how she has her laundry and clothes. It made me shake a bit.

Be warned it is horrifying!!!

hahaha define organize...i have a lovely pile of clothes on top of a suitcase, and another on top of another suitcase...I know what's in each pile

my CDs are all out of cases and stuck into a huge case thing...but not alphabetized or anything, I just kinda remember what i put where

IF i have a place set for everything, I’m great at staying organized, but if not - WHOOSH tornado

[dalidaisy]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with Mary
Between two slabs of bread

[Zzyber]

I once saw a shirt that had a gentleman that looked like a certain religious figure masturbating with a preexisting hole in his hand.

[Rudy]

Heard of the new German microwave?

Seats 12.

[ClydeB]

Have you heard how many American astronauts you can fit into the new Ford Focus?

Two in the back, two in the front and the 7 astronauts from the Challenger in the glove box.

[auriga vega]

I know someone who microwaved a cat, and it exploded.

[ClydeB]

I clipped a rabbit one night while driving around with a friend during my teenage years. He made me stop and get the rabbit so he could take it home and eat it. And he did.

[Rudy]

How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your foot off its head.

[ClydeB]

I secretly switch out the coffee in my office with the decaf version of that brand. Then watch the cow orkers start freaking out by day 3 when I switch it back.

[Visum]

Sometimes I push people into oncoming traffic to hear the sound.

[auriga vega]

My neighbor baked his dog and ate it.

[ClydeB]

My neighbor baked his dog and ate it.

Oh you will love this. About 15 years ago I was working as a pc repair tech. One of the regulars came in one day and was unusually cheery. He then relates this story to us.

His kids kept some rabbits as pets. He kept threatening to get rid of them if they didn't take proper care of them. Feed them, etc... So one day he fixed dinner for the family. They really liked the stew and asked him what was in it once they finished. So he told them what he did. He used the pet rabbits to make the stew.
(by this point he is laughing so hard he is crying)
So the kids start freaking out, crying, puking and so forth. We ask him what did he really do with the rabbits. He looked at us and said. I made stew out of them! You think I am gonna lie to my kids?

[Reganon]

Once upon a time there was a pony... and they made him into Elmer's glue.

[ToC]

Lived in the Alaskan Bush... This one dude was his own dad.

[freerangequark]

I've got a dead squirrel, a wire coat hangar, and a bottle of formaldehyde. Anyone interested in joining me for a little fun?

[callmemigs]

I eat roasted scorpions and red ant's eggs and these are my two favorite dishes.

[llBradll]

What gets redder and redder and smaller and smaller?

A baby cutting their hair with a potato peeler.

[Jonathan Brewer]

What's more delectable than pan fried oysters?

Feces sauteed in garlic butter.

[zibber]

I was eating my girlfriend out one night. After a while, I realized that that unidentified thing I had occasionally felt was the string on her tampon. Mmm..

[Jonathan Brewer]

You think that's gross? I experienced the same thing with my wife but it turned out to be a suppository.

[tp6626]

You think that's gross? I experienced the same thing with my wife but it turned out to be a suppository.
You think that's gross. Replace 'wife' with 'golden retriever'.

[callmemigs]

I think that's gross. Replace 'wife' with 'shit tzu'.

[Jonathan Brewer]

You think that's gross, replace "wife" with "Jonathan Brewer". ;)

[callmemigs]

You think that's gross, replace "Jonathan Brewer" with "Chriscrocker" (they're almost identical).

[DurrRuhRurr]

Ever fuck a car?

[Bobert]

Yes. And then I woke up to find out it was the dog.

[firebee]

Ever fuck a car?

Ever read Knight Rider slashfic?

... ever write Knight Rider slashfic?

[DurrRuhRurr]

This is a perfectly ordinary sentence, which has the purpose of giving this thread somewhere to go from here.

[Nikita]

Did you know that I dumped out all of Rudy's shampoo and replaced it with Nair?

[gestalt]

I shaved my package this morning with a blunt razor. Had to tie a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.

[gestalt]

I really enjoy sausage in the morning. I should make my own motivational poster, naked Eunuch-style.

[Nemesis]

I find Paris Hilton attractive and intellectually stimulating

[zief]

I was trimming my nose hair at the buffet and it fell in the pot of soup.

[NoStoneUnturned]

I was trimming your mothers pubic hairs when she queeffed



(wtf, im freakin discussing...)

[Night Runner]

My toaster finally confessed: the lamp and the TV are conspiring to betray me.

[DanteFalling]

I masturbate WHILE killing kittens..surrounded by pictures of my mother giving me a sponge bath. Listening to Kenny G, John Tesh and Yanni simultaneously....and have tears streaming down my cheeks then fits of laughter..then tears again. I am only wearing high-heel sneakers, blue eyeshadow and a red afro wig. Have a half eaten pineapple sundae on my nightstand and my room smells of ham.. Scented pinetree candles and a car battery attached to my testicles. My makeup is smeared and wig matted....Charles in Charge is on the TV. Scott Baio and I are in love....we're getting married.

I have pictures...:p

I hurt all over.
It must be my voyeurism kicking in. . .

[dogwoodlover]

I once thought about George Bush while masturbating.

[ClydeB]

My coworkers were having a serious discussion about swine flu so I sent them a youtube link where they show THAT SCENE (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) from Deliverance.

[ptrout]

The Ice Breaker: I will go up to a group of people with a glass of clear drink, show that i have nothing up my sleeve, and nothing in my pockets, and pronounce I can turn this drink in my hand into any color they can name. I fail really hard person after person, looking like an idiot, but keep on going, asking the next person.........until red is called. I will then punch my self in the nose, till I bleed. Shake the glass to mix the blood and the drink and say TADA, and then walk away.

[ClydeB]

This afternoon I was cleaning out a room of some bulky items and disturbed a 3 inch cockroach. I ended up using something to capture it alive. Then put it into the toilet (still alive) in the woman's restroom before leaving for the day. See what kind of drama this generates.

[Synchronicity]

I was at a public restroom one day by myself, in a stall doing my business. As I'm finishing, another guy comes in and takes the stall next to mine. When I'm done, I get up and exit the stall.

It's quiet as a grave in the restroom. No one else is around. You could hear a pin drop. Moving myself silently in front of the other guy's stall, I let out a mighty battle cry at the top of my lungs and throw my body full force against the door. (I know these doors, they're sturdy enough that they won't break open.) The guy, quite understandably, cries "WHAT THE FUCK!?" and generally makes a panic.

What he did next is a mystery, because I had already left the bathroom and was on my way.

[Indy]

When travelling on a budget, I sometimes spend the night on comfortable couches in expensive hotels, pretending I was reading and dozed off.

[Night Runner]

Last week, I saw an ancient woman with no nose.
She was eating a burger. An awful-awful burger.
Nobody looked at her.

[Synchronicity]

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

[zief]

I masturbate when i watch 2 girls 1 cup.

[Deliberator]

Night before last I had a dream that I gave birth to a two pound baby with a severe birth defect. I left it to starve to death. Then I had sex with my sister in the church bathroom.


Hey those of you lucky enough to have a penis, wouldn't it be fun to shoot a kid in the head and then fuck the bullet hole? Better use a 50 cal, woo!

[llBradll]

I masturbate when i watch 2 girls 1 cup.

I laughed more than anything at that video. The girls almost made that shit look tasty somehow.

If I tried that, I'd hope to get the shit with small nut grounds as apposed to the corn.

[Nemesis]

I was at the filming of 2 girls 1 cup and I actually picked all the small nut grounds out of the shit... and fed it to school children in cookies.





Nemesis added to this post, 671 minutes and 34 seconds later...

HA! Beat that!!

[ClydeB]

I not only came up with the idea of Kopi Luwak but successfully convinced the world to drink it.

[paleoeco]

I laughed more than anything at that video. The girls almost made that shit look tasty somehow.

If I tried that, I'd hope to get the shit with small nut grounds as apposed to the corn.

But shit really IS tasty.

[mnmeq]

NSFW
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[Nemesis]

I've wanked to everybody on the forum's profile pics... especially yours

[LoneReaction]

NSFW
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Cannot UNSEE!!!

[llBradll]

I've wanked to everybody on the forum's profile pics... especially yours

I started doing that this morning. Just another 12 members to go. Soon I won't have anything left to wank.

[ClydeB]

I am bringing up the pictures in the "show me your feet" thread and licking the screen. YUM

[llBradll]

How does a mathematician solve his constipation?

He sits down and works it out with a pencil.

[ptrout]

True story:

In high school, senior we bought out friend a blow job from a working girl for his 16th birthday.

The only thing was she was a pre-op tranny. He was eventually okay with it, after about a year of anger and hate.

[NoStoneUnturned]

(not my type of joke, however fitting for the thread)

How do you know you're at a gay BarBQ?

All the hotdogs taste like shit.

[llBradll]

Whats the difference between jam and jelly?

you can't jelly a dick into an ass

[DurrRuhRurr]

The siren sings its song loud and clear. The turkeys, realizing their fates, scurry for cover. If they're lucky, they'll just get the rain and not the wind, just like the screaming red Michigan maps. As the battle between the trash compactors and the steamrollers rages on, two more chickens sacrifice themselves before the shopping cart gods! As the rocket-powered rotary phone takes off, the pressure becomes too big and the entire scene takes off and flies in orbit around the new star Plinktonat.

[Night Runner]

I took the liberty of translating the above text from English to German to French to Spanish to English to Italian to French to Portuguese to English to Russian to English, and substituting the lost-in-translation words for the nearest phonetic analog. Mwa haha hah ha haahaha! Poptart.

Siren Pete relative sound and free song. Truth, bearing through its designations, is rapidly passed upward for the covering. If they regret, they l they, is which necessary to obtain in proportion to projects Michigan definitely in order to go rain and any wind, to begin to cry out of definitely red thus such battle enter into the instruments of reduction remainder and steamroller arrives, others of 2 polished ascending onboard that of Dell automobile is endowed! Examination of quail they rocket-powered telephone rotatory allegiance changed of pressure in too of much extreme is full the place of s'; it alleged and murky of nail to it; order into red door of the new star of plinktonat.

[ClydeB]

I work in a building across an alley to a 7 story parking garage where a good number of the employees at my company work. Starting tonight (Thursday) the parking garage will be closed over the holiday weekend for construction. Very little free parking on the street. The company rented space about 10 miles up the road and will have shuttle service back and forth. Now, there are two other garages for employees. But we are not special enough to park there. When they have problems. They overflow to this one. But we cannot do the same. Sucks to be on the bottom huh.

Not for me. There's a ground level parking lot not 10 feet away from the big 7 story one that's closing. I pay out of pocket each month to park there. Always have a problem with freeloaders wanting to park there when I am not there since its so close and convenient. Despite the big ass reserved sign.

Needless to say, I have gotten a number of people towed. So far a doctor (who works at the hospital I do), soccer mom, vendors who are working at my company, the manager of the Walgreen's nearby, etc. Got so bad our own security department asked me to let them know when I have someone towed. The people who have gotten towed all think our company owns that lot. So the dumb asses go to our security and says 'some one stole my vehicle'. Causing them more work.

I am considering parking my vehicle somewhere else tomorrow and start tow sniping fellow employee dumb asses who park in my spot all day thinking they can get away with it. I have access to the security cameras (nice to be the IT guy sometimes) so I can watch the spot from my basement cubicle (sucks to be the IT guy for office assignments).

Wonder how many I can get in 8 hours of time? I already warned the owners of the lot about whats happening. The free parking spots are for those nearby businesses. And I bet they will be full by 8am tomorrow. Should be lots of fun.

[ClydeB]

I got to work this morning and the owner of the subway sandwich shop was there running people off, so plenty of parking. I decided to just park in my spot and not bother with any tow sniping today

[Liason]

I woke up around 4am and overturned all of the recycling bins and trashcans on a street in my neighborhood on trash& recycling day. :D

[DurrRuhRurr]

Today I'm playing the shit out of some fucking Google Earth, editing the shit out of some chapters, surfing the shit out of the fucking web, and taking a fucking walk outside to breathe the shit out of some fresh air and to smell the goddamn flowers.

(I almost posted this as my facebook status, I figured it would probably go better here.)

[Liason]

Yesterday I walked in on my friend jerking off and I abuptly went over and kicked him in the balls. :D he was in much pain and ecstacy for like half a second. Then it was probably just pain. ~ah subordinates. How I love mine.

[Snowdragon]

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

When is it time to go to bed at the Neverland ranch?








When the big hand touches the little hand.

[llBradll]

What do MJ and Mcdonalds have in common?

they like to stick 40 yr old meat in between 13 yr old buns.

[Night Runner]

You wonder how this situation could possibly get any worse when Ashton Kutcher jumps out of the closet with a camera crew and yells "Psych!" Now your misfortune will be seen all around the world and immortalized on yet another DVD set that will probably end up in Walmart's $5 bargain bins...

[themuzicman]

You unleash a profanity laden tirade that makes all the cable news networks?


You live in a studio apartment and your in-laws are coming to visit for a week, and declare that they are staying at your place.

[runoverazebra]

They are also bringing your entire six year old brother's soccer team to stay.

[Seriously]

His soccer team is all British and they demand baked beans for breakfast. You go to open a can and cut your hand on the edge becoming infected with tetanus and get lock jaw.

[Nikita]

The lock jaw sets in after a swarm of bees has flown into your mouth.

[themuzicman]

And the rest of the swarm joined them through his nose

[DifficultBastrd]

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[nowt]

Eight, sir; seven, sir; Six, sir; five, sir; Four, sir; three, sir;
Two, sir; one! Tenser, said the Tensor. Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tension, apprehension, And dissension have begun. Eight, sir; seven, sir;
Six, sir; five, sir; Four, sir; three, sir; Two, sir; one! Tenser,
said the Tensor. Tenser, said the Tensor. Tension, apprehension,
And dissension have begun. Eight, sir; seven, sir; Six, sir; five, sir;
Four, sir; three, sir; Two, sir; one! Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tenser, said the Tensor. Tension, apprehension, And dissension have
begun. Eight, sir; seven, sir; Six, sir; five, sir; Four, sir; three, sir;
Two, sir; one! Tenser, said the Tensor. Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tension, apprehension, And dissen--



where are the stars?
There are no stars.




.

[DanteFalling]

I was going to sleep, but if I let myself, if I sleep again, I'll lose control for a moment, and if I lose that moment, then I'll start to drift again, letting the thoughts and voices come in--not voices as in "voices." I'm not crazy. Rebecca said I'm just misunderstood. She should know. No one ever listens to her. Well, no one else but me ever listens to her. Why would they? She just tells people to let it go and slip under the water in the bath, just close your eyes and fall for a moment, for a mere minute, and when you come up choking for air, your body's reactions kicking in, she'll laugh at you, at your ineffectuality, because who are you kidding? You meant to do it, and you meant to trick her, and you couldn't even do that. . .Could you?

[The Fury]

Please father no, I beg you. I want to be good, please.

*sits in a corner and begins crying*

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak but He is strong.

Forgive me father, forgive me.

[thod]

Please father no, I beg you. I want to be good, please.

*sits in a corner and begins crying*

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak but He is strong.

Forgive me father, forgive me.

Quotes from Bioshock?

[nowt]

It's a small world, after.

[The Fury]

Quotes from Bioshock?

Yeah, I haven't played that game in over a year but those demented wailing have always stayed with me.

[DanteFalling]

It's the little "girl's" eyes. . .

So, did you kill them or 'save' them, I must know, we must know, if you don't tell us. . .
well, you'll regret it. . .I might even steal the umbrella from your test tube. Where will you be then, funny-haired man?

P.S. Your son died alone and insane.

[nowt]

I've a Klein bottle for Moebius strips and souls.

[themuzicman]

I keep the souls in the bottle with Einstein's brain

[nowt]

Einstein's Klein stein's wine's mine.

Signed,
Lisa Randall

[delilah]

What did they do, sitting as though they'd just been born. Soaking in a tub, by the window watching. Who watches cameras, watching? The buildings went up in smoke, and why? Who knows why, who cares why, Why knows who. They burned and burned and burned away everything, untill they finally knew what it was like to be alone together. In a tub, as though they'd just been born, making.

[nowt]

When you wilfully confuse
syllables for onji
that's immoral use of morae~

[delilah]

I'm moral all wrong.

[nowt]

for all my breads i use the same basic thing--
three tbsp olive oil,
two tbsp honey or maple syrup,
1 tsp salt, 1 tsp yeast
and three cups of whatever kind of flour,
and 1 tbsp of gluten

diptych: each half with all 64 hexagrams
of the i ching; one half ordered, the other half
in disarray, with overlap.

corn: parboil, then coat with miso paste
mixed with cajun spices
and then grill for about 8-10 minutes

*The Golden Gate* by Vikram Seth

Marina Tsvetayeva, penguin paperback, Translation: Elaine Feinstein

June 20, 1984 Oakland, California US 7:30 am

Gemini sun, Pisces moon, Cancer rising

black chinese tea: Kimun/Keih maahng/Kei Man/Qiman

"buddhist philosophy: a historical analysis" by david j. kalupahana

nothing up my sleeve but desire and heat

the prime of miss jean brodie, by muriel spark

The Lives of Lesman Reed

Death afronts me; they say Death's a front.
Death afronts me; I am no front.

pecorino romano, for use with pesto.

copper spilt or split with the tarnish of green.
but the sun is high.
my color is vellum, stretched thin and dry.
the futility of utility in the kingdom of the wise~



.

[Snowdragon]

Top this fuckers....

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To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Topped :p







They should blast Osama out with this crap.

[Nemesis]

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[tokjd79]

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[gestalt]

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NSFW

One of these days he's going to make that face and it's going to stay that way. :cool:

[Snowdragon]

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[Synchronicity]

Once when I was a kid, my Sunday school teacher started a discussing by asking us "What is love?" I said, "It's what they use in tennis instead of zero."

[ErikNikolai]

This (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). I particularly love it when the mouse morphs into an agonized little monkey man, while buffaloes are flashing in the background, and insanely happy strawberries are clapping their tiny hands—before the creepy octopus crawls out of the bra and starts feeding.

[llBradll]

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she misbehaved?

They would rearrange the furniture.


And what did they do when she was really bad?

They would leave the plunger in the toilet.

Reread this thread and really wanted to revive it.