How do you tackle perfectionism?

[Alpha Prime]

I have found a way to tackle it, but how do you deal with it? Is it a curse? A gift?

Discuss your views and experiences with it here.

[orange]

Its all in how you use it. If you can supress the profectionist tendency when it would do nothing but hurt the situation than it can be a great tool. For it to be a Tool it must first be mastered.

[Hdier]

Its all in how you use it. If you can supress the profectionist tendency when it would do nothing but hurt the situation than it can be a great tool. For it to be a Tool it must first be mastered.

Agreed, working with perfectionism can be a very delicate, but rewarding, task.

[banzai]

Depends on your execution...

Perfectionism, when obeyed and executed to its greatest extent, can be very fufilling.

If ignored, it can be devastating to your mental state and confidence.

[Solaris]

I find it more difficult dealing with the realization that I can't always perform to my perfectionist standards. Having perfectionist tendencies isn't the problem, it makes me grow and strive for more. Having to deal with failure is the problem for me. *shudder* Oh how I hate to fail.

[banzai]

I find it more difficult dealing with the realization that I can't always perform to my perfectionist standards. Having perfectionist tendencies isn't the problem, it makes me grow and strive for more. Having to deal with failure is the problem for me. *shudder* Oh how I hate to fail.

It's as if I've betrayed myself with the very things I hate in other people.

...how... could I? :cry:

[Solaris]

It's as if I've betrayed myself with the very things I hate in other people.

...how... could I? :cry:

Yes!

[banzai]

Yes!

I think it's funny that the only thing that really cuts me deep is a critique that could have (should have) been towards someone else but has been turned back on myself...

Yeah, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. call you worthless, boo-hoo, I can get over it... but when I find myself fitting into a criticism that could have just as easily been (or has been) applied towards someone else, it's like-

...son of a...

I think a good thing for INTJ to develop is the ability to forgive yourself. I've tried but I still find it difficult.

[deicruxified]

I have found a way to tackle it, but how do you deal with it? Is it a curse? A gift?

Discuss your views and experiences with it here.

pros:

1. you get to motivate yourself to doing something beyond mediocre
2. you get a good job in the end -- a polished job. when it comes to planning, an undebunkable plan
3. trains you to focus in preparation for the next bigger job
4. helps you organize yourself (i.e. thoughts, schedules etc..)
5. you get to judge yourself objectively

cons:

1. you get way too attached to a single project be it playing a musical piece or constructing a website. too much focus leads you to neglect other responsibilities
2. sometimes you are being highly critical and judgemental to yourself that you end up discouraged and then dropping the work until you get the next insiration for you to be motivated to finish the job

[Solaris]

I think it's funny that the only thing that really cuts me deep is a critique that could have (should have) been towards someone else but has been turned back on myself...

Yeah, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. call you worthless, boo-hoo, I can get over it... but when I find myself fitting into a criticism that could have just as easily been (or has been) applied towards someone else, it's like-

...son of a...

I think a good thing for INTJ to develop is the ability to forgive yourself. I've tried but I still find it difficult.

I am very harsh on others when they cross one of my lines (of which there are few). I am extremely harsh when I find myself crossing these lines. I analyze how and why it happened; whether it was a valid exception or not; if, then, a rework of the standard in question is now appropriate; my motives for my actions. In simpler matters, I just berate myself for failing short of what I want for myself. I have always judged myself harder than others judge me. Like you, I find that what others try to knock me down for matters less. The exception to this is that there a few to whom I have granted the power to have opinions that matter -- I keep this number quite limited.

I have such a hard time with forgiveness. For myself more than for others. I am reluctant to forgive myself for failing to meet my standards because it seems like a failure in itself -- admitting defeat. Also, it feels like I am then watering down my standards, which I don't like to do either.

[Oversphere]

I don't think I'm a perfectionist. I suppose it depends on how one defines "perfectionist". I realized long ago that perfection in any respect is impossible, given my limited abilities and resources. Therefore, if I have a well defined and finite goal, I like to decide what is "good enough". Obviously, it's better to err on the side of exceeding "good enough," and I do that when I can. I have lots of goals competing for my limited resources, though. The trick is to prioritize the goals by immediacy and ultimate importance, and accomplish as many as possible to the level of "good enough". I'm not actually that organized, but that's they way I try to approach things.

I have also some more open-ended and poorly defined goals, like "learn to understand human interactions on both and individual level and a group level," for example. I see that type of goal as something to be worked toward, but likely never completed.

[Alpha Prime]

Your responses are interesting.

According to my own experience, I have found perfection to be unattainable, unlike excellence.

Perfection is unattainable because there is always some tiny detail that can be improved. This creates an open tension loop, which is impossible to close. Therefore there is no switch in the brain labeled "Mission accomplished" that can go on. Hence, there will always be some tension, in the face of suffering*.

However, when I set clear, measurable goals, and achieve them, then the switch can go on, with no tension remaining, only a sense of accomplishment - which is needed by one's self-esteem.

I view perfectionism as a gift - that needs to be tamed. It is a great driving force with which one can accomplish great things, but when misused can destroy one's self-esteem, and sense of happiness.


Your thoughts appreciated.


* I've found a good psychological definition of suffering: "trying to control the uncontrollable (spending energy, time and freedom on the uncontrollable)". Definition by: Dr. Paul Dobransky, author of "Mind OS".

[logan235711]

I suppose perfectionism is a better tool for showing us what either cannot be done or cannot be seen rather than what can be done and seen.

[tubaglue]

It's a blessing and a curse as a musician. The reality is, with a musical performance you'll probably never have a "perfect" performance. I've only recently discovered the concept of performing "optimally" instead of "perfectly." With music it's nice to be able to sit there and work something out until it's right, but at the same time when you hit that wall of not being able to perfect the music it can be infuriating. To me, perfection is unattainable. It's a good goal, but the best that can be done with what I have is all I can ask from myself. Easy to say, harder to live by.

[The Many]

Perfectionism, as in striving towards achieving all that is in your goal to achieve, is a wonderful gift. This drive towards perfection is probably the most important reason as of why INTJs usually are so succesful in doing what they/do - as a curious fact, those who strive towards their goals have even been labelled "elite men" by the Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset... :P

Of course, it's quite beneficial to plan in advance and to see which goals you need to achieve, what needs to be perfected and what doesn't need to be perfected. At least that's how I usually do; if a desk is messy it only really means I am busy with something more important.

[Hdier]

True, nothing can be perfect, but I solve that problem with projects that never have an end. An example of this would be the character sheet I created for D&D (or started to; I deemed it pointless to do a 3.5 character sheet with the announcement of 4E). I did on an Excel spreadsheet, and once the 4E one is done, I can still go back and constantly change it. That helps me quell overperfectionsism.

[qwerty]

I guess it's a curse.

You have to make sacrifices to obtain it.

[Myrak]

I have a really bad case of perfectionism at times, where I am easily distracted and just go around trying to fix or improve small projects that catch my attention. Probably because I'm really bored at times. Other times I just can't be bothered doing much at all.

What really works for me is when these two qualities sort of 'line up' on certain projects I undertake, where my perfectionistic self keeps on pushing me, and when I get to a point of 'done, but still not quite good enough' in my perfectionist state of mind, my laziness kicks in and just says 'good enough... actually it's quite excellent' and I feel satisfied with the completion.

Its just the two characteristics by themselves tend to run amok on my mind.