Does your physical appearance contribute to your personality?

[banzai]

I am curious what others' experience with this correlation has been... does your physical appearance contribute or retract from your personality?

I'm ~6'3 with a broad build... I would imagine people see me as a dumb brute at first, as compared to the stereotypically smaller, well dressed, glasses-wearing male counterparts. Unfortunately, unless I've had a friendly amount of drinks, this combination seems to make people feel very intimidated, which I'm sure many of you understand I find frustrating and counter-productive.

A lot of times I'll adjust for this without thinking by being overly affable. This, even almost to the point of meekness, because people have not handled my combination of physical and rational prowess so well in the past and I hate to scare away prospective feedback. Even this last week I made my poor mum cry with my cold assessment of our holiday traditions as a child. :embarassed:

I won't try and pretend that I'm not naturally very stubborn and perspicacious, but I really wish people could grow a pair so I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable being myself.

[rocksteady]

Intimidation can be quite useful you know, I think I would almost prefer to have that effect on people, dealing with people can be so much easier when they are intimidated by you. Of course, it can lead to some violence in extreme cases, but they can be avoided with skill.

But to answer your question, yes. How you appear to others will greatly influence how they treat you, and their treatment of you can be formative of your personality i'd say. I try and make that influence as positive as possible, by looking sharp when needed.

[RoqueBear]

Sounds like nature vs nurture....

In my opinion, I think it has an effect on you the way the world perceives you.. physically and mentally.. At the same time though, I think we have some type of predisposition to some personality traits..

[banzai]

Perhaps I didn't convey that this is a direct question...

"does your physical appearance contribute or retract from your personality?"

One or the other, and why. Danke!

[Nomad]

Tough question. In four seconds, people tend to dismiss me. After that, they really don't know what to make of me. After they decide, they are usually physically intimidated or they they think I'm a really good guy. I'm 5'6", built like a fireplug. I look like an accountant. I can intimidate people much larger than myself, but I don't know how it occurs. I think people look at height, and think I'm short (small) but then I'm 170, mostly muscle and I have lots of serenity based on "been there, done that" .

I don't know how to answer the question, exactly.

-Nomad

[Rohsiph]

I like to think it doesn't mean anything, but then I returned to classes yesterday after getting a haircut for the first time in about three months this past weekend--and noticed that most strangers were a lot nicer to my short-haired self.

[MichaelH]

Direct answer to: "does your physical appearance affect your personality".

Yes, my physical appearance affects my personality.

Self-image is an internalized concept of how others view you. I know from experience that my appearance affects how others view me, so my appearance affects my self-image, which affects my personality.

I hate looking ratty in public. When I need a haircut, my self-esteem drops and I withdraw into myself. When I'm poorly dressed, I fluster more easily and my attitude becomes apologetic in advance of people being offended.

On the other hand, when I think I'm well-dressed, I feel less flappable and more in control of situations.

[Jezebel]

I've been told that I look young for my age and 'innocent'. It's common for people to call me pet names like "sweety" when they first meet me. That usually goes away quickly once they get to know me. People have even told me that I'm not like they thought I would be when they met me. Apparently my personality is quite acidic despite my looks. Heh.

I've found that I can influence how people treat me to some degree by dressing up. I get more attention if I wear makeup and dress nice. I'll do that if it is to my advantage (such as in job interviews). But on a day to day basis, I try to blend in and look boring because the attention makes me uncomfortable.

[rwyatt365]

If by your question you mean, "Do people disregard you because of your physical appearance?" Then I have to give a resounding "YES"!

I am short (for a guy – 5' 6"), and until about 5 years ago I was thin as a rail. I wear glasses, and aren’t a snappy dresser so I'm pretty invisible to most people. I think that I could rob a bank and no one would remember what I looked like!

So, in the eyes of the observer, my physical appearance contributes to my natural quietness and reserved manner – it's a perfect fit.

Once people get to know me, they will find out that appearances can be deceiving. I am not what I appear to be, and many times people have discovered that (to their detriment) in both business and personal environments. Quite often I have had to set people straight and let them know, in no uncertain terms, that I am not to be disregarded, disrespected, nor discounted.

[OneBadMother]

I am 5'3", often don't weigh enough to give blood at my school's blood drive, and Asian. This renders me fairly unintimidating, and I'm generally treated as "the kid", by my male friends at least. They see me as something to be protected (or corrupted) to some extent, though I can fend pretty well for myself. At the same time, I'm laidback and don't necessarily pay much attention to things around me, which people probably misinterpret sometimes as me being vapid and submissive, or cold and heartless (once my gigantic analytical core shows). I rarely bother to dress up too nicely, being a college student, but I do notice that the way I dress changes people's perceptions. My friends treat me much more like a girl than a non-gender specific kid when I dress more femininely, for instance.

[Amaranth]

I've been told that I look young for my age and 'innocent'. It's common for people to call me pet names like "sweety" when they first meet me. That usually goes away quickly once they get to know me. People have even told me that I'm not like they thought I would be when they met me. Apparently my personality is quite acidic despite my looks. Heh.

I've found that I can influence how people treat me to some degree by dressing up. I get more attention if I wear makeup and dress nice. I'll do that if it is to my advantage (such as in job interviews). But on a day to day basis, I try to blend in and look boring because the attention makes me uncomfortable.

My experience has been quite similar to Jezebel's. I'm petite and part Asian, and I also look young. Dressing plain (but neat) and not wearing makeup generally reinforces that. "Cute" and "sweety" aren't uncommon words thrown around when older women meet me (or even when they're not much older, just think they are because they think I'm 18). I'm not sure how men perceive me, but I think it depends on their taste in women.

Then I talk and the image begins to change. I have a deeper voice than would be expected for my appearance, and I also speak well. It's not long before people realize I'm an opinionated, driven and serious person who can fend for herself. So yeah, there's definitely a discrepancy there.

To answer your question, yes, my appearance affects my personality in that being decent looking makes me feel more confident, like I have another tool at my disposal. But I think what you're asking is if people's perception of your appearance affects your personality (or the extent to which you express it). To that, my answer is no. I don't care to act like the sweet, innocent little thang that people expect me to be. ;)

[GOD]

Yes it does, if you allow other peoples projections to influence your behaviour.

In fact this feeback loop can push people into situations where they feel they are not even their real self.

Even the clothes you wear make quite a big perception difference.

[Solaris]

My appearance has always affected how others see me, and therefore how I interact with them. I don't look my age -- I get guesses anywhere from 6 to 10 years younger than actual. I have red hair, glasses, and freckles. Old people, especially men, seem to adore this combination and have always told me so. I am sure that I sometimes overcompensated for my appearance when I was younger and finally came out of my shell (while never really introverted, I was quite shy as a child). However, now that I am comfortable with myself, I am more comfortable in just being myself and letting my words and actions speak for me more than my appearance. Like others, I do notice a distinct difference when I dress up and wear makeup. I know how to ace an interview, and always know when I have. When I am in comfy jeans and such, people treat me as a college student usually. I have learned to use all of this to my advantage when I want to.

[stasis]

Do you mean "detract"?

My appearance directly influences my personality by being an immediate social object to which others react, with those reactions in turn modifying my self-conceptualization and therefore (to some degree) my behavior and what I would report as being my 'personality'. But if your question is simply one of whether I look like the stereotypical whatever, the answer is no.

[banzai]

Do you mean "detract"?

My appearance directly influences my personality by being an immediate social object to which others react, with those reactions in turn modifying my self-conceptualization and therefore (to some degree) my behavior and what I would report as being my 'personality'. But if your question is simply one of whether I look like the stereotypical whatever, the answer is no.

There I go again, trying to use a vocabulary unfit for someone who stopped reading. :irked:

What I was getting at was whether or not your physical appearance seems to match your personality, or whether people are surprised by your true colors when you open your mouth.

...except y'all started took it a step further and started talking about perceptions modifying behavior and... well, I shouldn't be surprised.

[BloozeGit]

On the other hand I sometimes have the problem of being taken too seriously. I'm not tall or buff but somehow I give the impression of being a stern/authoritarian person. It's probably an Asian thing where movie characters with facial hair were invariably either the old master or the villain. Plus, I'm not the talkative sort but once people get to know me, they find out just how full of crap I really am.

[HarleyQuinn]

So, in the eyes of the observer, my physical appearance contributes to my natural quietness and reserved manner – it's a perfect fit.

That's me. I tend to blend in easily (5'7", 120-125 lbs.) and I've actually surprised people when they open a door (in which I've been noticeable walking towards) and I'm suddenly "there" from "nowhere" it seems.

I also tend to walk really fast (even got called on it in elementary school) and tend to slink my way around in a crowd to reach my destination, probably adding even more to my invisible aura.

I too though have had to set people straight as they often perceive that they can walk over me or use me to their advantage. Love giving a smug look when the shock registers on their face after I set them straight.

[The Many]

My physical appearance doesn't contribute to my personality, my personality contributes to my physical appearance. That is to say, I figure out what impression I want to make, and then try to make my looks convey that impression. Then people can take it or leave it, really... I mean, I dress up when I need to dress up, but usually I want to try looking like myself. Used to be quite the metalhead, but I'm getting over that and am trying to look less "flashy" and make a more serious impression.

[MichaelH]

What I was getting at was whether or not your physical appearance seems to match your personality, or whether people are surprised by your true colors when you open your mouth.

My personality is low-key, reserved, and eccentric. My physical appearance tends to match that. My clothes are solid colors made of sensible fabrics. (I seek excitement other places than getting dressed in the morning.) I'm required to look professional for work, but there are always little edges that just don't fit: my hair needs trimming or my shoes need polishing. These things are simple enough to fix, but not often addressed. I think it's my eccentricity exerting itself.

I dislike having to dress up for work; I feel like a fake when wearing dress pants. I'd be more comfortable in jeans and a nice button-up shirt. To technical types, business wear says "I'm in charge because of how well I'm dressed, not because of my ideas". There's a reason we call empty-headed managers "suits".

[Oversphere]

When I was younger, I looked kinda goofy and nerdy. It was a combination of some unusual physical traits and a fairly typical case of INTJ social retardation. Goofy looks and social retardation make for an unpleasant feedback loop. In the last decade or so, due to age and lifestyle, my appearance has changed quite a bit (I'm 30). Now I look like a fairly typical workin'-man type.

I'm sure there's more to it that just my physical appearance, but strangers' typical reactions to me have changed a lot. Younger women who would have ignored me in the past now seem to start with the assumption that I'm a pretty normal guy. Certain younger guys, who in the past might have been the type to try to play dominance games with me, now seem intimidated by me. More easy-going younger guys actually seem to respect me as an elder. :laugh: Guys around my own age often give me the Nod of Male Acknowledgment (you guys know what I'm talking about). I think it's a kinda silly ritual, but the best thing to do is just nod back. Older women often can read me like a book (that hasn't really changed). Overall, I like how peoples' initial reactions to me have changed.

Obviously, I think that the most important aspect of a person's looks (to that particular individual), is the way others react. I don't think that my looks have or have had anything to do with determining my personality type. The reactions that my looks elicit, though, do interact in interesting ways with my personality type.

[banzai]

(I seek excitement other places than getting dressed in the morning.)

I have said this so many times and yet still people think that I am "boring" because I dress in shades of gray, brown, and blue. :irked:

Uhh, sorry, there is nothing exciting or creative about your ability to purchase the fruits of others' fashion genius.

Why even pay money for that? I buy a lot of performance clothing, partially because I love climbing and hiking so it doubles well there, but also because if I'm going to spend money on clothes then it might as well be for a tangible purpose rather than for a logo.

[The Rose]

I've been told that I look young for my age and 'innocent'. It's common for people to call me pet names like "sweety" when they first meet me. That usually goes away quickly once they get to know me. People have even told me that I'm not like they thought I would be when they met me. Apparently my personality is quite acidic despite my looks. Heh.

I've found that I can influence how people treat me to some degree by dressing up. I get more attention if I wear makeup and dress nice. I'll do that if it is to my advantage (such as in job interviews). But on a day to day basis, I try to blend in and look boring because the attention makes me uncomfortable.I look young and innocent, too.

[banzai]

I've been told that I look young for my age and 'innocent'.

I look young and innocent, too.

So if this is inaccurate, it would follow that you are actually naughty? ;)

[AresX9]

I'm 5' 10", 150 lbs. Close to above average for teens.

But what I wear is the proper outer image I want to give off: A headbanger. Seems to work as well.

People usually think I'm older than 16, until I tell them.

[wolf]

I'm short, though broad-shouldered and stronger-looking. People are intimidated by my even though I'm short. I think it's our intensity more than anything.

[The Rose]

So if this is inaccurate, it would follow that you are actually naughty? ;)Well... I used to be naughty.
I have actually deceived a few people before by exploiting my innocent look.
Nowadays, it comes in handy with strangers because they will trust me - which they should - because I won't take advantage of them. It's nice to be trusted and I don't abuse it.

[Epicurus]

Well I don't like the discomfort of being neither for my intellect or looks appreciated or looked up to or in any other way, so I always stay at low profile look and speech. Besides its rather annoying in another way seeing people giving you compliments, it really disgusts me at times, atleast if I think that person is really stupid.
Well Im very tall (195-200 cm) and still very thin but improving on that matter slightly by time food and training, not overflowing with motivation there tough. I dress very booring but not like wool sweater and 30 year old jeans some brother or whatever wore-kind of dressing, more like whatever seems normal and proper enough awhen among other people. I would prefer looking like something more provoking (and perhaps metrosexual as I can consider myself that), Marilyn Manson would make a great model off immitation or source of creativity on that. My face in generall can perhaps be intimidating if I don't fake a smile. I usually just look like my eyebrows are going to bend themselves off wich I think I've atleast got one straight on comment on (not my eyebrows as they arent strange but they play part) looking at people like they were whores or idiots, wich some where in ways. I think most people tough might just see me as a bit distant and cold, but still as a normal dumbass, not making any sort of provocation or claim in any way. But that way I don't have to worry so much, but sure on special occations it might be worth brushing up that look and extroversion because it does give some advantages.

[janonymous]

your appearance is everything. as long as you know how to approach it, it can be your greatest strength.

i'm a really skinny person. instead of reactively getting angry at comments about my weight, i've learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and develop humorously witty responses. i now control my appearance as a huge strength as it gives me some predictability on how people will treat me. i can get a laugh out of anyone. and sharing a good laugh is the closest connection two people can make. it really breaks the ice and warms the heart.

think of Conan O'Brien. he has great jokes about his pale skin, giant height, and big hair all because he's probably been teased millions of times about it. having heard it all, he has prepared himself with the funniest responses that earned him a spot in millions of hearts...as well as earned him millions of dollars.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

edit: i have no idea if my physical appearance matches my personality. most people see me as very unapproachable...but those that do talk to me discover that i am very friendly. people don't approach me because i like being quiet, and i don't carry myself like a shy person (thus it just seems like i don't want to talk to anyone). this doesn't have anything to do with my height, weight, clothes, etc. it's my body language.

[Myrak]

I like to use my physical appearance to my advantage often, and it impacts on my mood, especially in social situations. If I'm well dressed I will feel more confident and vice versa. On this note, I've always wanted to wear a suit, just to see how it would make me feel.

I'm above average height and pretty big (in a good way) so it gives most people an impression that I'm tough and could beat people up in the blink of an eye, but I'm quite the opposite. Never actually fought anyone and not a fan of violence.

People who don't know me probably get the wrong impression of me, since I'm not one for meeting new people and I guess my body language gives off that sort of vibe. However, around my friends I'm quite talkative; I'm usually the one making serious topics of conversation and many sarcastic remarks. I love joking around and having fun, but I'm told I hardly ever smile otherwise (I think it's a combination of lifelong sinusitis and my resulting lack of effort); thus I choose to smile when I'm actually happy and enjoying myself. I hate plastering on a fake smile just to ease people's minds.

Also, I just choose to dress pretty laid back. I abhor brand name bullshit, and I hate how 'cool' is now based on how much advertising material and corporate slogans you have on your body. I have a wealth of Tool t-shirts as well, mostly for the art. Alex Grey does some awesome stuff, and I feel its a refreshing change from most of the stuff you see people wearing. (I am reminded of this comic strip: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. . Be sure to mouse over it too)

peace.

[Max T]

6 foot tall with broad shoulders but very lean at 60 kg/ 150 lb from excessive cycling (30 yr male).

The height is a little too dominant for some people.
The lack of weight reminds me of some Shakespeare quote “Cassius has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much, such men are dangerous”.

Combining height, leanness and generally quiet (thinking) demeanour, people’s initial reaction is often to be slightly reserved/on guard with me.

This contrasts with my personality and intentions.
I want to see their ‘truthful’ persona and so try to stop my physical presence injecting any simplistic bias into what they’re saying/ how they’re treating me.

So I nearly always slouch slightly to reach the same eye level with shorter people (except with little people/ young children!). And often cock my head to one side when listening, to drop any intimidation, and move a little slowly too… raise the eyebrows slightly to appear passive.
That all stops once we know each other.

[Allie]

I am 5' 4'' and about 105-110 lbs. Have a classic look. People usually think I am sweet and gentle when they first met me. But that changed quickly once we started talking ;)

[banzai]

This contrasts with my personality and intentions.
I want to see their ‘truthful’ persona and so try to stop my physical presence injecting any simplistic bias into what they’re saying/ how they’re treating me.

So I nearly always slouch slightly to reach the same eye level with shorter people (except with little people/ young children!). And often cock my head to one side when listening, to drop any intimidation, and move a little slowly too… raise the eyebrows slightly to appear passive.
That all stops once we know each other.

Yup, and...

Do that, do that, and that. My natural voice is also very low and difficult to hear sometimes so I also talk in a higher pitched voice with strangers.

[Paul V]

I am curious what others' experience with this correlation has been... does your physical appearance contribute or retract from your personality?

I'm ~6'3 with a broad build... I would imagine people see me as a dumb brute at first, as compared to the stereotypically smaller, well dressed, glasses-wearing male counterparts. Unfortunately, unless I've had a friendly amount of drinks, this combination seems to make people feel very intimidated, which I'm sure many of you understand I find frustrating and counter-productive.

A lot of times I'll adjust for this without thinking by being overly affable. This, even almost to the point of meekness, because people have not handled my combination of physical and rational prowess so well in the past and I hate to scare away prospective feedback. Even this last week I made my poor mum cry with my cold assessment of our holiday traditions as a child. :embarassed:

I won't try and pretend that I'm not naturally very stubborn and perspicacious, but I really wish people could grow a pair so I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable being myself.

I'm an inch shorter than you (or not, haven't meassured in a while), and I get the exact same reaction from people. Only I don't drink or "loosen up", which means my intimidating attitude never wears off. Oh, well. If someone approaches me, at least I know they've got courage, something I deeply appreciate in friends.

And under no circumstances I'll willingly make any changes in my personality to please others. I'm through with that.

[INTJoe]

I have red hair and freckles so I think it may be even harder for me to be approached by others than a more "normal" looking INTJ. People just are "put-off" by redheads for some reason. It angers society. Like I picked it at birth or something?

For what it's worth, I love my hair color and would not change it for anything, but I am keenly aware that I look "different".

Physically, I'm fine. I'm 6'0" 182 pounds and physically healthy/fit. So I rarely feel intimidated around people, or even strangers. Socially, yes. But physically, no. I think it goes back to the fact that redheads can look "scary". lol. I think I scare people and small children rather easily.

It is funny when people underestimate me, though. Especially in physical situations. I'm a red-headed INTJ, so I get underestimated. I enjoy beating people in physical events and leaving them surprised/shocked. That is to say, I'm laid-back and not a poster-boy for sports, but I can definitely compete.

[Meyer]

Six foot. atletic build with broad shoulders. Never have been overly dominant physically but for some reason I have always intimidated. I think the above comment about not really wanting to talk but at the same time not being shy rings true. I am usually found quite pleasing to the eyes by females which allows me to extrovert a little more confidently. However if I didn't have the looks I would be quite hopeless with your average woman.

[Lucid]

I'm 5'4" and somewhat hour-glassie. And blond. So many people assume I'm stupid. Or easy. I actually used to dye my hair so that people would talk down to me less. Recently I've discovered that wearing glasses works just as well and has the added benefit of being easier than putting in contact lenses. :)
So to answer your question, I don't think my looks match my personality and people are often surprised that I don't channel Kelly Bundy when I open my mouth. In some situations I've actually learned to use it to my advantage. I've taken a lot of journalism classes and interned at a local paper. I found that if I acted a little dumb when interviewing people they'd be more apt to let their guard down. Or tell you something they shouldn't have because they think you're stupid to catch on to it. hehehe.

[banzai]

I'm an inch shorter than you (or not, haven't meassured in a while), and I get the exact same reaction from people. Only I don't drink or "loosen up", which means my intimidating attitude never wears off. Oh, well. If someone approaches me, at least I know they've got courage, something I deeply appreciate in friends.

And under no circumstances I'll willingly make any changes in my personality to please others. I'm through with that.

Well, I'll be more reciprocative until someone oversteps their boundaries, in which case I bring out the big guns of unwatered-down personality.

I too appreciate people being brave... sometimes I see people want to ask something or say something but aren't, inside I'm cheering them on. :)

[NeonTetra]

Generally, I have a healthy amount of self-efficacy. My self-esteem/confidence fluctuates quite often. When I lost a bunch of weight, my self confidence shot through the roof and other people noticed it. Now it's starting to creep back on and my self-confidence is decreasing proportionately.

[Solaris]

I have red hair and freckles so I think it may be even harder for me to be approached by others than a more "normal" looking INTJ. People just are "put-off" by redheads for some reason. It angers society. Like I picked it at birth or something?

For what it's worth, I love my hair color and would not change it for anything, but I am keenly aware that I look "different".

Physically, I'm fine. I'm 6'0" 182 pounds and physically healthy/fit. So I rarely feel intimidated around people, or even strangers. Socially, yes. But physically, no. I think it goes back to the fact that redheads can look "scary". lol. I think I scare people and small children rather easily.

It is funny when people underestimate me, though. Especially in physical situations. I'm a red-headed INTJ, so I get underestimated. I enjoy beating people in physical events and leaving them surprised/shocked. That is to say, I'm laid-back and not a poster-boy for sports, but I can definitely compete.


I have a rather different experience. Society seems to have an odd fascination with redheaded women. People find me very approachable. I'm average build for a women, though certainly fitter (I'm a runner). Children seem to really like me, and especially senior citizens. They only seem to be intimidated once they start interacting with me and find out how blunt/direct I can be.

[Hypomanic]

Yes. I would have a harder time being self-confident if I did not think I looked good. Intelligence has a similar effect on me too. I'm not satisfied with just looking good, I have to be competent as well.

[INTJoe]

I have a rather different experience. Society seems to have an odd fascination with redheaded women. People find me very approachable.

I'm well aware of the difference in redheaded women and men! Believe me, I've hung out in locker rooms and I'm fully aware of what guys want to do to redheaded women. :)

Y'all are looked at as "exotic" and we are not! We are looked at as "different" but not "exotic".

I'm not complaining because I do OK for myself, but it certainly feels as though I've got to try harder to make a good first impression on strangers. Men or women. It's like a constant battle!

You hear people complain about racism, sexism, ageism, etc. but nobody cares about "hairism". :) One should not be judged by the color of their hair or eyeballs!!!

[Solaris]

I'm well aware of the difference in redheaded women and men! Believe me, I've hung out in locker rooms and I'm fully aware of what guys want to do to redheaded women. :)

Y'all are looked at as "exotic" and we are not! We are looked at as "different" but not "exotic".

I'm not complaining because I do OK for myself, but it certainly feels as though I've got to try harder to make a good first impression on strangers. Men or women. It's like a constant battle!

You hear people complain about racism, sexism, ageism, etc. but nobody cares about "hairism". :) One should not be judged by the color of their hair or eyeballs!!!


My "favorite" are those who seem to think it's still clever to call me any sort of cutesy name for redheads, especially when it's said as though I truly haven't heard it trillions of times in the last 28 years.

Well I haven't hung out in the men's locker room, but I've heard plenty about what they'd like to do with/to redheaded women. Maybe this is why I get along so well with my Korean best friend...we share the experience of being an odd object of men...and neither of us really find it amusing. It's sometimes flattering, but mostly repulsive.

[Solnath]

I'm about six feet tall, have a muscular build and a quite handsome face and after five seconds of interaction with me when I'm focused, all others see are my eyes.

[danalaina]

Intimidation can be quite useful you know, I think I would almost prefer to have that effect on people, dealing with people can be so much easier when they are intimidated by you.

or it can be crippling.

my ex-husband is 6'9. in a picture of him at perhaps age 11, he's kneeling next to the rest of his soccer team. on his knees, he was as tall as the coach was standing.

because of his size, he physically intimidated people (including adults) without really intending it. as a result, he was rarely contradicted or called out for crappy behavior. he missed out on what is, for most of us, a really important part of early social interaction: he never had to worry about getting his butt kicked. it sounds silly, but that's one of the things that informs our behavior and teaches us to get along.

he never learned to govern his tongue or moderate his temper. he told the most outrageous lies sometimes (and was truly shocked when i called him on it). basically, he didn't learn half the tools necessary to function reasonably when interacting with a broad group of people, and his personal and professional life have suffered for it.

for so many reasons that i can't fully explain without writing a book, he's emotionally crippled, and most of it goes back to his size.

so the size thing...overrated. ;)

[banzai]

he never learned to govern his tongue or moderate his temper. he told the most outrageous lies sometimes (and was truly shocked when i called him on it). basically, he didn't learn half the tools necessary to function reasonably when interacting with a broad group of people, and his personal and professional life have suffered for it.

for so many reasons that i can't fully explain without writing a book, he's emotionally crippled, and most of it goes back to his size.

so the size thing...overrated. ;)

Exactly what I was trying to say... although, in my case, to a much less severe extent, as someone who thrives off of information, I can't function as well when nobody will disagree with me.

[danalaina]

Why even pay money for that? [...] if I'm going to spend money on clothes then it might as well be for a tangible purpose rather than for a logo.

the logo serves a purpose, albeit not a tangible one.

to answer the "why," though...dressing well is an art, and sometimes the clothes themselves are art. but screw the logo. artistic genius does well with the materials given no matter what the restrictions.





danalaina added to this post, 16 minutes and 19 seconds later...

Does your physical appearance contribute to your personality?

might as well address the main topic at once and have done with it.

now? not so much, except that when i know look killer, it gives me a little extra oomph that can help me tolerate unpleasant social situations better. i don't have a lot of vanity, but the occasional slack-jawed stare is nice. =)

during my formative years, i'd say it was a much bigger issue. i was one of the unfortunate girls who developed a few years ahead of the rest, which meant jealousy and teasing from a steely-eyed group of biddies till they caught up with me. that'll quicken one's tongue and thicken one's skin pretty quickly. the inevitable rumors that get spread about "girls like me" taught me to be a little more cautious socially than i might otherwise have been.

in my teens, being attractive and large-racked earned attention from men at too early an age, too, i think. i looked older than i was, so i got hit on a lot. it's difficult to process advances like that when you don't have the emotional maturity to match the physical goods.

all this has probably had some effect on my adult personality, but if i was ever truly damaged by it, i'm well healed now. i'm ever-aware of my appearance, though. perhaps that's the lasting effect.

[Antares]

I'm about 158 cm (5'3"), round face, big, brown but mild eyes (they look like they're trying to comfort you instead of intimidating you), look like an overgrown baby. The only time when I intimidate anyone is by my fevour and the passion in my speech. However, generally intimidating people don't intimidate me. There's this big guy at our school who scares everyone by his intense gaze, but I just looked him in the eyes defiantly while he was trying to fix me with 'the look'. I guess that did it for him. I managed to befriend him.

[slut poacher]

or it can be crippling.

my ex-husband is 6'9. in a picture of him at perhaps age 11, he's kneeling next to the rest of his soccer team. on his knees, he was as tall as the coach was standing.

because of his size, he physically intimidated people (including adults) without really intending it. as a result, he was rarely contradicted or called out for crappy behavior. he missed out on what is, for most of us, a really important part of early social interaction: he never had to worry about getting his butt kicked. it sounds silly, but that's one of the things that informs our behavior and teaches us to get along.

he never learned to govern his tongue or moderate his temper. he told the most outrageous lies sometimes (and was truly shocked when i called him on it). basically, he didn't learn half the tools necessary to function reasonably when interacting with a broad group of people, and his personal and professional life have suffered for it.

for so many reasons that i can't fully explain without writing a book, he's emotionally crippled, and most of it goes back to his size.

so the size thing...overrated. ;)

i am 6,1 245lb built like a gorilla and mean looking, i really spook people, i was told by a reliable source that the residents of the local biker house/drug den were all freaking out, thinking that i was an enforcer from a rival gang keeping tabs on them(another reason i moved). i dont get challenged and nobody steps in to correct me if i am being a dick. i hope that i am not as you put it as "emotionally crippled" as your husband, but i do recognize within myself that i definitely have more than a few areas in need of improvement. as for the appearance affecting personality in my case "definite maybe" i am working on it though.

[Zilal]

I suppose my physical appearance matches my personality well enough I don't throw anyone off. I'm a brunette with glasses, somewhat plain, but tall and gangly which lends a little bit of goofiness to my appearance. Nobody ever says "When I first met you I thought you were ___!" unless maybe "a lesbian" goes in the blank, though I try to dress a bit less shapelessly than I used to.

[Nightelf]

I would say yes. As a reserved observer, I try to avoid drawing attention to myself. It works in a new community, because people see me a fragile, withdrawn person. But as soon as I open my mouth or they see my achievemetns (I mean in a working environment, e.g. university) they somehow become a little bit intimidated (because of my mental skills?) and respectful. And from this point, no matter how hard I try I am pointed out AS the dangeros-brainy colleague... When I realized this, I started to dress more formally as that also helps to keep unpleasant people away.

[Pinkie]

I suppose my physical appearance matches my personality well enough I don't throw anyone off. I'm a brunette with glasses, somewhat plain, but tall and gangly which lends a little bit of goofiness to my appearance. Nobody ever says "When I first met you I thought you were ___!" unless maybe "a lesbian" goes in the blank, though I try to dress a bit less shapelessly than I used to.


Hahaha! Loads of people think I'm a lesbian - although it's usually because I don't play up to men (like a lot of my female friends do) and generally show no interest in romantic relations at all. Even my mum asked me if I was gay. I mean, you'd've thought she knew me a little better, surely? :thinking:

[Paul V]

Hahaha! Loads of people think I'm a lesbian - although it's usually because I don't play up to men (like a lot of my female friends do) and generally show no interest in romantic relations at all. Even my mum asked me if I was gay. I mean, you'd've thought she knew me a little better, surely? :thinking:

Join the club. Stop conforming to society's standards and people will start itching to label you. The "gay" cathegory is just the first one that comes to mind for them. And when that isn't it, you can almost hear the gears in their brains turning to find a classification to put you into.

[Diana]

Contribute or retract? Hard to call, but likely- contribute.

I'm tall (5'9") and pretty svelte from dancing. I prefer 'dressing up'/wearing makeup not just for its influence on my own/other peoples' perceptions, but mainly just for the fun I get out of arranging colors, patterns, textures, cuts. I'm an artist...what can I say? To top it all off, I'm the most comfortable in high heels, just because I normally have to sustain my balance up on my metatarsals in ballet. That can kinda make me pretty tall, but I have fun with it..

Kind of strange, but I actually think my posture contributes the most good to the way people find my personality. Years and years of ballet has ingrained standing/sitting up super straight...chin up, shoulders down, arms relaxed, stomach in... It honestly is somewhat uncomfortable for me to slouch.

In middle school, I was always made fun of for sitting up so straight. Now, though, people always comment on what good posture I have, and I often get the sense that I'm being treated with more respect and taken a little more seriously because of it.

So...contribute it is!

[Blacklustre King]

I’ am a 21 year old male who is often confused for a female. I have given a lot of naïve people the "evil eye" for comments like, “Excuse me miss.” And, “What a lovely young lady.”

Let me be very clear, I’ am not lovely or lovable. I’ am a person who wears all black, pieces of medieval armor for the hell of it, and I usually carries a sword wherever I go.

My belt and wallet both have skull and cross bones on them, though I have no piercings, no addictions, and long white blonde hair.
My family has a habit of calling me elf boy for my appearance as a child and even now to some extent. After enough of this constant barrage of belligerency I have come to find these comments more as compliments then offenses to my integrity. Though I will NEVER cross dress or seek a male companion, or any companion for that matter, I can safely say I bring enough confusion to the table to keep people wondering what exactly I’ am.

Honestly I cannot see how people can be confused; I look in the mirror and see a guy, perplexing…

[bucolic_]

I'm sort of big I guess (6'4, ~195 lbs) but I don't know if I really intimidate people often. I know I scare people on occasion when I nearly run them over at work (rounding a corner or something), especially if they're tiny, but that has nothing to do with personality really.

I was watching a movie once, and the woman behind me was running her mouth about how much I was blocking the screen, but said nothing to me. I grew weary of her complaints, and so when I turned around and asked if there was a problem, she sunk back into her seat, saying only no. I had to ask her if I was blocking the screen, and even then she said "well...maybe you could slouch down a little..." while only seconds earlier she was cursing me up and down, so I think it's safe to say she was intimidated.

Normally in public I have a face that is generally serious, but ranges from (I think) somewhat soft to intense. In this case, my face was rather intense, since I was somewhat angry at her, so I'm sure that contributed to her reaction.

Also, I think the way I dress and carry myself may confuse people to some degree. Even if they see me as big and intimidating (which I generally doubt...6'4 gives me a lot of height to distribute 195 lbs) I wear glasses, and often have messy hair. I think my face definitely shows my nerdy side.

Combine that with my clothing, and I don't really know what people think of me, haha. I wear lots of jeans, polos, and t-shirts, so my look ranges from nerdy to somewhat trendy, but never extremely so. Plus I wear nice/classic sweaters a lot in the winter (argyle, stripes, etc), which makes me look like ...uhmm a grad student or something? Maybe a professor? I don't know. I guess people might see these various traits as contradictory.

[Colette]

I am curious what others' experience with this correlation has been... does your physical appearance contribute or retract from your personality?


In my case my appearance doesn't really match my personality. I am more feminine and attractive looking than my personality would suggest, and my personality comes across as vaguely masculine (or at least I've been told this enough times to believe it). I can be reserved and intimidating in person, but when people look at me they see a "come hither" sort of person. Weird.

[Capt57]

I tend to scare and intimidate people. I'm 6'2" ~250, i've been lifting weights for years and played quite a bit of football. Facially I look quite a bit like Brandon Frazier which I hear very often. Most women find me attractive. Based on my looks most people expect me to be fun and outgoing...you should work in sales! They also expect me to be an idiot. When it becomes obvious I am none of these things they simply become scared.

My best friend said that when he watched the movie American Psycho he could not help but think of me. I would expect that because he is a very strong E but it still upset me. My father is the same way. He is a Taxidermist and looks like Norman Bates...not a great combo. Of course my father is the most kind, intelligent and interesting guy I know.

I do, however, feel pressure to conform to expectations and sometimes do because it is easier then being myself. I find most people at best boring, at the worst, irritating. It helps to have a good sense of humor which I use extensively for better or worse.

[mind_wander]

I'm like 5'2 kinda skinny, my voice is really low, so no one hears my thoughts, if I choosed to say so. People dislikes that, now its kinda rude too, if I accept all your thoughts and problems, or concerns, but do not respect about how I speak too. Man, this sux; I am intellegent at a mature level, but I do lack details, alot; its like my common problem. I find it rather boring and its like the norm to me, rather do something different spiced up in life whats life has to offer, for me :) Because, as an INTJ, life is full of surprises; no kidding. Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't, or the odd stuff keeps on popping by perfection. Yeah, its weird like that.

Anyways, not trailing off here, people likes to hear the calm side of things, "How are you remain so calm?" Even at an intense stress and pressure at a workplace; well, at home its alot of stress, so I managed to deal with it. Personal training ground of real life 101, you mastered it, then welcome to the real world. Can you do it attitude? Do you have what it takes to multi-task? How about some guy or girl yelling at you with full blast? [In your mind thinking, go get a life], Can you create neutrality, wherever you go? [Create peace without conflicts], How well is your listening skills?, Do you cross the lines between morals and principles? Stuff, like this I do think about everyday. Its a mental blueprint of how things should be and works best, if I can create it. All you can do is compromise because thats the way it is.

[Pinkie]

I've been thinking more about this and it reminded me of something I thought when I was sixteen and lamenting my nose (I hated it). I was looking in the mirror, and I thought, 'Yeah, okay - so my face isn't perfect. But then, neither's my mind, and my nose is pointy and so are my eyebrows and so is my mind. So I guess it all works.'

And that pretty much takes care of it.

[Merle]

and my nose is pointy and so are my eyebrows and so is my mind. So I guess it all works.'


Hehe... yeah, that's me too...

I'm 5'11'', slim, broad shouldered, angular faced...people find me attractive, but in a I'm just going to sit here and stare at her kind of way...
I have never been approached for a date etc in my life...

I mean, in some ways I suppose it's nice that my appearance isn't doing any false advertising...
But then I also feel that it might be easier for me to overcome some of my natural tendencies towards solitariness, aloofness etc if I looked a bit softer and people weren't afraid to approach me.

[lowbrass]

Based on my observations, my physical characteristics seem to lead people to think I'm the opposite temperament, and it's as if they're let down when I don't appear to perform in the manner they expected. The only exception to this is when someone only reads my face - which tends to be misinterpreted many ways, when, in fact, I'm just content.

I'm 5'8", slender, and pretty youthful looking for my age, and my guess is that people see this and expect me to behave like a kid - i.e. be playful and outgoing.

Adding to the aggravation - I also get the sense that people think that I'm incapable of being serious OR fun, which I really hate. That's sort of fueled me to do a few more "E" type things, like actually joining friends on stage in a band to sing a song, just to prove that I had the talent and was damn well capable of awesome things, in addition to just being respected as (and assumed only to be) a decent photographer.

Edit - and I think this hurts me big time in the dating game, because I might have the appearance, sometimes, of a player or pickup artist, and possibly there's been a lot of expectation on the other party that I never have lived up to.

[Sheepo]

I'm fairly, no -- really short.. Measuring around 5'0"/152 CM and around 94 lbs., or so.. I look around five years younger than my actual age, and this is a big difference... Considering that I'm still in my teens if anyone didn't realize. Most would categorize me as "cute" "passive" "innocent" "charming" "stupid" and such. But i guess I wouldn't blame them, I dress in colourful colours, skirts and such too... so... It's just so people wouldn't really feel intimidated, and would forgive me (and they usually do...) if I said something a tad too critical at the wrong circumstance. Whoa ( was that a run-on )?

Anyhow, I get a lot of "Oh, you looked so cute and innocent and [ insert other adj.'s here ]... but.. " But i don't really mind, I'm not doing anything in particular to counteract that first opinion people get from me anyways.

They don't know on first glance that I'm actually not just shy, but bordering anti-social in a new environment. But anyhow, my looks are at my advantage ^^. People treat me as "pets" or "little sister" too, but I bite unless you have permission. But it STILL is [ my physical appearance ] at my advantage.

Because of my looks ( I suppose ) people don't really take me seriously when I criticize ( which is GOOD ). Since i tend to do this impulsively and at an excess sometimes.

A lot of people, mostly obsessed-with-fashion people approach me. And they'll go like "Oh my, you're so cute!" I don't necessarily like the attention, but it's not bad, there might be someone I'm actually interested in becoming friends with within the bunch.

Usually I'm pink, not because I'm blushing and such, though excitement shows on my face easily. But it's because i'm fair-skinned but not bordering vampiric of course = = ( I think i just made that word up )

I cut my hair boyish short, and in a month i'm going to highlight it some funky colours. I will cut it so short that i could style it with wax and etc. This is just so that people will cut out the "passive" part as their first impression of me.

So let those people misunderstand, hahar :D!
( fun, fun. )

[MadmanMSU]

I think personal appearance can definitely have an impact on personality. When I was in high school, I was overweight, so I got all the stigma and whatnot that results from that. Shy/not terribly outgoing/leaning toward intellectual activities. Since then, I've dropped all the weight, and I work out constantly (go me), and now it's a whole different story. I'm far more outgoing, love to be around people, find it much easier to fit in, women find me attractive, etc etc etc.

6'1", 220, currently training for a half-marathon. I've always been tall and muscular, but had to shed the weight for it to come through. Being an INTJ, I've always been more serious looking than other people, so I've always gotten the intimidation factor. Plus, I wear glasses, so I think people naturally assume I'm intelligent (which I am).

What I find interesting about this, is that I tend to judge masculinity by my own standards (as I'm sure everyone does). When I look at other men who are short, or scrawny, or effeminate, I tend to naturally assume they are socially weaker people. A lot of time I'll see a woman at a bar with a guy who is like that, and I'll think to myself "Why is she with that guy? He seems like such a wuss". Anyone else have that happen?

[HarleyQuinn]

This thread popped into mind after an early morning incident today.

I don't know what it is (maybe that I look boyish or younger than 22?) but a lot of people are touchy-feely with me. I dislike being hugged usually because it's a surprise but this came to mind because one of the people who work in the cafeteria rested a hand on my shoulder before walking away after we exchanged greetings.

Anybody else get touched a lot by people you don't know?

Another instance was two semesters ago I was working on a group paper/presentation with two girls. I was smiling (and not "contributing" anything at the moment) and one of the girls playfully slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Help us," when I had spoken to that girl maybe once before our meeting and that was in class in a group discussion. It's the only time I've seen her be physical with anybody that wasn't her BF.

It also seems like whenever I come into contact with an adult woman, they usually take an instant liking to me as if I were their own son and they always give off this "motherly" aura when around me. To be honest, I kinda find it humorous. I'm fairly quiet (but quick to smile) and really frail looking so maybe when they see me there's some automatic protect/soothe reflex?

[Paul V]

This thread popped into mind after an early morning incident today.

I don't know what it is (maybe that I look boyish or younger than 22?) but a lot of people are touchy-feely with me. I dislike being hugged usually because it's a surprise but this came to mind because one of the people who work in the cafeteria rested a hand on my shoulder before walking away after we exchanged greetings.

Anybody else get touched a lot by people you don't know?

Another instance was two semesters ago I was working on a group paper/presentation with two girls. I was smiling (and not "contributing" anything at the moment) and one of the girls playfully slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Help us," when I had spoken to that girl maybe once before our meeting and that was in class in a group discussion. It's the only time I've seen her be physical with anybody that wasn't her BF.

It also seems like whenever I come into contact with an adult woman, they usually take an instant liking to me as if I were their own son and they always give off this "motherly" aura when around me. To be honest, I kinda find it humorous. I'm fairly quiet (but quick to smile) and really frail looking so maybe when they see me there's some automatic protect/soothe reflex?

People tend to hug me because I'm big and cuddly. Not only I feel used and disgusted, I also feel invaded and violated. I must use every single ounce of restraint in me to prevent myself from lashing at them. So instead I become tense and uncomfortable.

[MixISTJandINTJ]

I'm tall but have more on the skinny/low body fat side of things. Have big bones though. I don't think it contributes anything.

[Anamorphique]

People sometimes tend to stammer when they talk to me. I think its more to do with my demeanor than my physical appearance. I usually get irritable when people distract me from whatever I'm doing in order to talk and I think it shows. Also, I tend to ask a lot of questions when what they're saying doesn't make sense and that seems to make them uncomfortable. My boss told I should smile more.... Smile when I'm talking about trephination?! Why???

[lancelot]

I think teachers and professors thought I was a better student than I really was. I think because I was dressed nice, and in their mind this equals smart or a good student.
I’m intelligent but unorganized and often don’t do home work.

I don’t think I intimidate anyone, when I walk through a room the crowds don’t part, and the eyes don’t look away. Yet the police often look at me and seem anxious, don’t know why that is.
I’m 5’10” 190 lbs. don’t think I frighten anyone.

One of my coworkers said of me, “If you were an actor you’d be good at playing someone very nice or very mean”.

[crabnebula]

Holy 3 year necro batman...

I'm 5'10, underweight but intimidate most people until they get to know me. It keeps the undesirables away and thus helps somewhat but people looking at you like you were a raging serial killer on loose gets tiresome after a while.

[eagleseven]

Love these zombie threads!

I'm 6'4" 230lbs and lift...which can seem very intimidating, or so I've been told. While my size has definitely improved my confidence, most of the time I find myself attempting to negate the intimidation factor, so I don't repel people. Just my standing up and looking serious can make others visibly nervous, which isn't always beneficial.

[Deliberator]

Interesting question. It might. That is to say I think my appearance has something bearing on the behaviors I've developed, but not my core personality. I'll have to think about this one.

[Fishism]

My appearance and my personality go hand in hand. As my attitude evolves so does my look. I'm average height 5'8" but years of weight training for a multitude of sports has left me athletically built at 175 lbs. My appearance has always been about "function" as how clothes fit were more important than how they looked. I have never wanted to stand out or draw attention as I've always felt that body language and conversation were the keys to first impressions. I wanted to be noticed for not wanting to be noticed.

Now, at 40, I realize that my looks aren't going to pack nearly the punch they used to, so I've gone as far as shaving my head just so I don't get helmet hair from my motorcycle helmet. Function it is.

I'm fine with appearing average on the outside, but having confidence in my personality should someone with substance want to look that far. I have a look of a man who really is just passing through on his way to somewhere else. This is intentional because I truly am heading out.

[karenann33]

When I was working as a CPA my appearance detracted from my work. I'm tall, thin, look much younger than I am and I'm female. If I said I had 10 years of experience people laughed and said "what you started when you were 12?" I was 30 but looked fresh out of college.

[gh0st]

I'm really short(~4'11"), and generally look a lot younger than I am. People who don't know me often treat me like a child, which can be frustrating. I don't think my appearance matches my personality very well. Or rather, I feel like I should look differently to really be "myself", if that makes sense?
I also often think life would be easier if I was a guy. I work in a field dominated by men, which combined with my childlike looks makes me feel like I have to try extra-hard to be respected; even though actually I never had issues with men not taking me seriously once they have talked to me...

Though my looks come in really handy when it comes to socializing; I guess that's the other side of the being-treated-like-a-child medal - most people are friendlier to children. ;P
I can easily befriend almost everyone if I want to.

[cyd0nia]

I'm of average height and my build is neither broad/stocky nor thin. It's just average. For these reasons I don't tend to intimidate people because of my physical appearance. However I noticed that when I'm having a focused day or when I'm thinking deeply (even in public) people tend to feel intimidated - I think it's the look of focus in my eyes.

[vampyremage]

I think its more apt to say that my appearance and my personality contribute to one another. I am a petite 100 lb 5'4" female. In the past I was rather unassuming, medium length messy brown hair and I just sort of faded into a crowd. Now days, however, I stand out much more. I have taken control of my appearance, adding dreadlocks, piercings and numerous tattoos. I have taken steps to mold my appearance in such a way as fits my physical ideal. I have a certain self image that I'm working towards and without a doubt my personality contributes to the ideal self-image that I hold in my head. With every modification and every tattoo that I gain, I a just a little bit closer to the ideal of what I one day want to look like. I consider it to be very much a case of my outer body reflecting my inner mind.

As a consequence of the changes I am slowly making to my outside appearance, however, I have had to learn to be just a little more outgoing and just a little less shy. Strangers on the skytrain will sometimes ask me about my mods because they are there for all to see and some of them are of a less than common nature (2 gauge nostril dermal punches for example). The result is that I am slowly becomming more comfortable with causual conversation with complete strangers.

[BellaBianca]

Yes. It makes me more open and outgoing.
When I want to.

[Nonsuch]

Yes, my appearance affects my personality, at least when I'm dealing with strangers. I want to tone it down in these situations.

[fokalina]

I'm pleased with both, normally. And normally, I am pleasant.
(But that's my most neutral state: I'm not thinking about how I look or how I'm acting, I'm just being me, doing whatever I'd doing.)

The most superficial, yet evident, connection between appearance and personality (actually I may just be talking about mood :thinking:) is through people's responses to me.
There are three ranges/ranks of response: too little, okay, too much. When "okay", I am okay (surprisingly enough) and in my neutral state of pleasantness. When "too little" or "too much", I am irritated, disgusted, disappointed, and quite unsociable. I suppose it's appropriate to say they increase my T, as I care less (little) about people and their wants/needs, and my I, as I desire more (immediate) seclusion and non-people thoughts.

What's unfortunate is that at the present, is is very difficult to be relatively attractive (to myself and others) without crossing into "too much".

[fishphlem]

I would say yes-kind-of, my physical appearance effects how I act around others. Sometimes I find my appearance to be discouraging to me, sometimes it isn't, but really I think this is just because I feel that I will always be trying to improve my appearance no matter how great that may become i the future... on the flip side, my personality is affecting my appearance, because I feel that it is something I must be improving, and that would be an ideal made by my own 'personality'.

For example: right now, I have a staph infection. There is a rash near my nose that isn't all that noticeable and a rash on the back and top of my head (yeah, weird). So, today, I wasn't really feeling like I wanted to talk to anyone or for anyone to see me, in case they would see this rash. Then when I was going to breakfast, this girl from my dorm that I've seen a bunch of times that I haven't really talked to looked at me, and I tried to completely avoid eye contact because my appearance didn't want me to. My personality made me care about the possibility that a flaw in my own appearance could have been recognized.

[alpha2011]

Hm-mm...I wouldn't say it is my appearance as much it is a vibe that I give out in person that contributes. But just judging by the pictures of me - I tend to warn people "don't let the dimples confuse you as I am neither sweet nor submissive kind." But the expression on my face when I am being serious or sarcastic most definitely does contribute a lot!

[Glathannus]

I was musing over this issue recently.

I know I was good-looking at least as a kid, even though I didn't care about that. While I never tried to use my appearance to get more slack or opportunities from anyone, I've also come to realize that people usually want to believe in you when they like the way you look. If you've been surrounded by people (not just family members) who want to believe in you, then that could boost your confidence when you aren't consciously aware that your appearance has anything to do with what's going on. It was probably a factor in the mildness of my Introversion. I'm more outgoing than a lot of other people who identify as Introverts.

It's more acceptable for you to be a nerd when people who see you or meet you, reach the conclusion that you could have easily been anything else. Being better-looking means you are granted more social license to be whatever you choose to be.

[n8ey]

I used to believe that appearance mattered... I got dressed to the nines and felt pretty good, 'cause I was lookin' sharp and wearin' the best.

And then I realized that I was behaving that way because of what I thought those clothes meant.

Then I started behaving like "all that and a bag of chips" without those expensive clothes, and found people still reacted as if I WAS "all that and a bag of chips".

So, I think appearance leads to a betterment of confidence, but it isn't the clothes themselves.

[Taryuna]

Certainly a bit. My physical apperance influences how others perceive my personality and renders certain behaviour more or less effective. The feedback influences my expectations of others' reactions and in turn my personality - or at least the outward expression of my personality.

With 1.60, I'm smaller than most people and often thought to be younger than I am. At least I'm not hearing "cute" as often as I used to, but I'm certainly not naturally intimidating. (Although apparently I do manage the "don't bother me"-look quite fine, even unintentionally. Ah, the perks of being an INTJ...)
I noticed that people sometimes underestimate me at first, only to overestimate me later. In other cases, people seem to be surprised when they finally notice that I really am smaller than them.

In turn, I've gotten used to people being surprised when they first meet me and learn for example that I'm studying Computer Science. I know that it's usually pointless to try to look threatening when someone is physically taller than me (which is just about all the time), unless I'm aiming for the comic effect. I've made the experience that being underestimated can have its advantages.

Outside of noticing some recurring reaction patterns, I don't care very much about how my appearance affects others or their expectations about me. I don't choose my clothes based on what others will expect, but only by what I like and don't like.

[Equinox]

So here's my question: why do so many people think of INTJs as naive or immature? I'm 22, and with my goatee I look 18 or 19, but without it I look like a 15 year old kid, so that might be part of it. But almost EVERY TIME any girl/woman meets me for the first time, she almost invariably acts like I'm made of glass or around 7 years old. They put on this really fake smile and use a high-pitched voice you'd use to talk to a little child, and most of them seem to "make sure I don't hurt your feelings," or at least it comes off that way. I don't understand it at all, since I'm well-spoken and never engage small talk. Even other guys treat me a little too politely to be polite, if you understand what I mean. They ask me questions that I feel are intended to acknowledge my presence, but nothing more. From what I understand, a lot of INTJs here have the same problem, where people treat them like kids for no reason. So why does it happen to us?

[moonmilk]

From the model "I am who I think you think I am." I want to say yes...but I think deep down inside does not change, however; we may act differently based on our appearance to get what we want.

[Mohammad]

my personality matches my appearance very well.

heh, in fact, i have been told i look formal, even when i am dressed down to my t-shirt, jeans and boots. :)

[Asocialkat]

I'm another one that looks much younger than I really am. I was carded for a rated-R movie in college. That was embarrassing. I'm 31 now, but people tend to assume that I'm around 22 when they first meet me.

As a result, I am not taken seriously in work situations. It doesn't help matters that I use humor and wit as social lubricant and to deflate confrontation/tense situations (and more importantly, so that I'm not bored stiff when interacting with others). When I crack jokes or toss out a few one-liners, it doesn't really send out a message that I WANT to be taken seriously.

Both paired together creates some sort of weird feedback loop, I think. I don't like to be serious, so I'm not. Other people don't take me seriously and treat me much younger than I am. That perception is reinforced and internalized. I continue to act younger than I might SHOULD act. But I don't enjoy acting like I have a stick up my ass. I'm not even sure that I'm ABLE to act more seriously and more uptight. It's just not in me.

The one thing that has helped is my current job. I work with 12-13 year olds. I HAVE to act more mature, demand respect, and I can't fall back on humor. The consequence is that my personality at work does not match my natural personality. Plus, I've started feeling quite ugly, even though I actually dress nice and wear make-up most every day.

I'm struggling with trying to figure out what that means.

[Tactical Panda]

Superficially, yes.

[ajrosales]

Of course the answer is - "yes". Physical appearance conveys to other people how they should react to you, which, in turn makes you react in specific ways to your environment. Are you intimidating? mousy? cuddly? strange? sporty? preppy? artsy? relaxed? sleek?

You're going to get a bevy of responses to your exterior which is going to affect your emotional and psychological state. positive stimuli are going to reinforce your attitude and style, leading to a more positive frame of mind. Sometimes it can also lead to arrogance though, which is a bad thing. Normally, it should more than likely lead to your positive personality traits coming out to the forefront.

And vice versa if you get a negative response.

[n8ey]

I tried a new experiment the past two weeks. I tried wearing a light shirt and red tartan tie on Fridays, and found that women approached me much more often on Fridays than on other days of the week.

I did this in working-class neighborhoods as well as downtown/upper middle class bars.

I should note that I usually I work dark-colored shirts and black ties every other day of the week.

There is definitely a social component to this.

[peppersasen]

Indirectly, not automatically, but it eventually led to that. It affects the way others treat me, and the treatment I receive from others (from a very young age, on a daily basis) shapes my personality.

---------- Post added 03-05-2011 at 11:30 AM ----------

I tried a new experiment the past two weeks. I tried wearing a light shirt and red tartan tie on Fridays, and found that women approached me much more often on Fridays than on other days of the week.

I did this in working-class neighborhoods as well as downtown/upper middle class bars.

I should note that I usually I work dark-colored shirts and black ties every other day of the week.

There is definitely a social component to this.

Just curious. Is tartan regarded as a sign of "preppiness" in your country?

[n8ey]

Just curious. Is tartan regarded as a sign of "preppiness" in your country?

It can be - but I don't think that so much as it's a bright red pattern - the Fraser clan.

I've also tried a pale blue and a violet paisley - they both worked similarly.

[HAL 9000]

Yes, I would say it does. I wouldn't consider myself intimidating, but people say I give off an intelligent vibe when they first meet me. I dig it.

[VF1J]

I tried a new experiment the past two weeks. I tried wearing a light shirt and red tartan tie on Fridays, and found that women approached me much more often on Fridays than on other days of the week.

I did this in working-class neighborhoods as well as downtown/upper middle class bars.

I should note that I usually I work dark-colored shirts and black ties every other day of the week.

There is definitely a social component to this.

We need a bigger sample size, I'll help with this experiment.

[imaqt125]

5'8", 125 lbs and rather good looking ;) I appear to be shy and for some reason old people call me sweetheart. Once I'm comfortable around people they realize that my looks are decieving. I think it kind of detracts because I don't attract the kind of people I am able to get along with, they tend to write me off as sweet/innocent. Those I do attract think my thoughts, opinions, and sense of humor are disturbing.

[JackCY]

Tall and thin, underweight, can't raise a weight at all, just learn to live with it and make fun of it, it's gonna change itself as I get older.
And yes it does affect. How I look, what I wear affects how I feel and how I behave etc. everything a little.

[antistu]

Interesting enough, I went to a parade with my wife and daughter last weekend and we met one of my wives coworkers. I barely said hello and spent most of the time catering to my daughter. However, back at work my wife was poked at by her coworkers that ‘her husband’ (being me) was completely opposite from her. Given the fact no one spoke to me or knows anything about me – I gather all of this was determined by my appearance.

[shaman herb]

yes, i believe there is a connection between how people treat you according to your appearance and how that effects the way you view yourself. for example, people have told me that i look like a shady character . they have told me i look shady/suspicious mostly because i have dark bags under my eyes (im only 18 though). so after a while of having heard this, i really feel like i look like a shady character out in public, and so i act accordingly. i start to look around without realizing how strange i look. i also have a slight anxiety about it now as well. when people look at me, i get paranoid that they think im a coke head or something .