Let's Spread Rumors

[IronSulfide]

Has a moral objection to whipped cream because it's extremely cruel to the cows.

[Reizu]

^Thinks the cows are a collective reincarnation of Elvis.

[BobtheINTJ]

Poked out her one good eye by drinking too much Red Bull and getting too close to the action.

[Reizu]

^'s soul is trapped in that reflective orb.

[Espadrille]

^sold her soul to the company store.

[BobtheINTJ]

^Soles of her shoes are sticky.

[Reizu]

^Doesn't wear shoes.

[jkatra]

^Wears a giant Mexican sombrero all the time.

[Reizu]

^Eats nothing but Taco Bell.

[IronSulfide]

^ Thinks Denny's is too pretentious.

[jkatra]

^Should not be left unsupervised in any major department store.

[IronSulfide]

^ is a mall cop.

[jkatra]

^Ghost of Christmas Future.

[Reizu]

^Ghost of Christmas Never.

[jkatra]

^Was used as a Christmas tree during the Christmas of 1982.

[Reizu]

^Eats the chicken bones from his KFC meal.

[jkatra]

^Wins at chess by knocking the opponent unconscious.

[thebrainpolice]

^ Makes all major life decisions on the basis of newspaper horoscopes.

[jkatra]

^Failed home economics class and then failed macroeconomics class.

[Reizu]

^Is trapped cycling the same time frame for all eternity.

[jkatra]

^Invented chocolate chip ice cream in the 1880's.

[Reizu]

^Was already pretty old at the time I invented chocolate chip ice cream.

[Espadrille]

^orders a hamburger at a sushi bar.

[Reizu]

^Doesn't practice proper hygiene.

[jkatra]

^Got drunk in the Andromeda galaxy last summer and had sex with an alien.

[Reizu]

^Did the same thing, but could only score with the Andromeda equivalent of a dog.

[Espadrille]

^only scores on street corners.

[Reizu]

^Has wooden teeth.

[jkatra]

^Bounty hunter.

[Reizu]

^Last samurai.

[jkatra]

^Used to have X-ray vision but overused it.

[Moxiie]

^ on at least separate occasions had tried to cook a potato using an x-ray machine

[jkatra]

^Recently promoted to senior trash collector with a 5 cent increase in hourly wage.

[venuspop]

^ travels everywhere with his plastic elephants.

[GenessorDios]

It is estimated that 85% of the world's insect population resides in ^'s left ear. The remaining 25% have secretly conspired to alter mathematical logic, but I think they failed.

[Reizu]

^Can't preform simple math (85+25≠100)

[Gerard91]

In order to gain higher level of perfection, ^ cut her b***s and put them into a jar. Now she keeps them at a visible place in her work.

[Espadrille]

^^too smart for her own good.

^really really really likes the color yellow.

[Reizu]

^Rocks hard.

[jkatra]

^Stars in cowboy movies.

[Espadrille]

^shaves his armpits.

[jkatra]

^Exiled from France.

[Espadrille]

^eats French fried ants.

[jkatra]

^Wants to know why there are French fries but not Portugese fries.

[gracious]

^ Will only stir fry with Valvoline oil.

[jkatra]

^Should be kept in a cage at all times.

[gracious]

^ Believes there should be animal testing of all consumer products.

[jkatra]

^Likes products but not consumers.

[gracious]

^ Makes his own My Little Pony figurines out of items salvaged from the catbox.

[IronSulfide]

^ Snatched a home-run ball out of a child's hand at a major league baseball game.

[gracious]

^ Attends games wearing a custom jersey and cap bearing his own visage. Sits in the stands with a mirror and applauds himself.

[IronSulfide]

^ thinks thumbscrews should be applied to any batter who finishes the season with less than a .200 average.

[gracious]

^ Does not understand how to calculate an average.

[Fujimoto]

^ orders "cherry 3.14" to make the waitress laugh.

[IronSulfide]

^ likes intimidating children at the go-kart track.

[gracious]

^ Attempted to drive his Hummer into the bumper car track.

[IronSulfide]

^ Rollerblades at the bumper car track.

[gracious]

^ Never learned to operate the controls so mostly spins in slow circles in the corner.

[jkatra]

^Could be your biological mom.

[Espadrille]

^never learned to eat with a fork and knife.

[jkatra]

^Invented the 20 pronged fork, but never sold one.

[Espadrille]

^doesn't know the meaning of the word invention.

[jkatra]

^Was chosen to replace the Wicked Witch of the West after a lengthy series of job interviews.

[gracious]

^ Was rejected for the role of Toto; they told him to get his nails clipped.

[jkatra]

^Responsible for making the Cowardly Lion act cowardly.

[gracious]

^ Made the Tin Man go bobbing for bolts in a barrel of salt water.

[jkatra]

^Stole yellow bricks from the yellow brick road and sold them on the black market.

[gracious]

^ Burned all the stepladders in Oz and then hid the cookies on top of the fridge where the munchkins couldn't reach.

[jkatra]

^Replaced the flying monkeys of Oz with flying porcupines.

[gracious]

^ Called immigration and had them all deported.

[jkatra]

^Hair is made out of snakes just like Medusa.

[IronSulfide]

^ is Medusa's personal stylist.

[jkatra]

^Blows up corporations.

[IronSulfide]

^ is an investment banker with a serious drug habit.

[jkatra]

^Is extremely poor with a serious drug habit.

[IronSulfide]

^ Feeds on his neighbour's flower garden.

[Reizu]

^Sucks the sour off of gummy worms then puts them back in the bag.

[jkatra]

^Is a microbiologist who studies gummy worms in the laboratory.

[Reizu]

^Could tell you, but then he'd have to kill you.

[jkatra]

^Can resolve any paradox.

[Reizu]

^Can rub his belly and pat his head at the same time.

[jkatra]

^Has lost your scent in the wilderness but will eventually find you no matter what it takes.

[Reizu]

^Is the one who killed Osama Bin Laden.

[jkatra]

^Killed the actress who played Punky Brewster on TV.

[Reizu]

^Is Kira.

[jkatra]

^Gambles with the precious gift of life.

[Espadrille]

^gambled away his entire life savings.

[jkatra]

^Has $5 in life savings.

[Espadrille]

^has no socks without holes.

[jkatra]

^Elaborate talking sock puppet.

[Espadrille]

Overly elaborates everything.

[jkatra]

^Leads in customer service using emerging technology.

[Espadrille]

^pretends to know what customer service is really.

[jkatra]

^Is a customer of many brothels.

[Espadrille]

^frequents brothels to solicit partners for his dad.

[jkatra]

^Insults my dad, my mom, and my pet pony named La La Mo Mo Bear.

[Espadrille]

^invents really inane pet names.

[jkatra]

^Enemy of ponies.

[gracious]

^ Tries to pass off very large rats as ponies at kids' parties.

[CrudeHypothesis]

^ has dirty fingernails ALL the time

[jkatra]

^Thinks checkers is just as challenging as chess.

[Espadrille]

^plays tic tac toe with his mom every day.

[jkatra]

^Hurts my feelings and makes me cry myself to sleep at night.

[Espadrille]

^is a cry baby.

[jkatra]

^Makes at least 1 baby every week.

[Espadrille]

^has a lot of baby fat.

[jkatra]

^Sits on a throne of black marble overlooking a lake of fire.

[Espadrille]

^can't sit still.

[jkatra]

^Sits on a giant egg trying to hatch it.

[GenessorDios]

^ loves running his hands across poorly-carpented wood in the hopes of getting a splinter and in doing so, fulfilling his pleasure quota for the day.

[CrudeHypothesis]

^Is a bender, likes to bend over

[EmmaKynikos]

preferred water source is the toilet bowl.

[CrudeHypothesis]

preferred past time is carrying swords

[thebrainpolice]

^^Thinks the toilet bowl is a college football game.
^Idolizes Bobby Fischer

[CrudeHypothesis]

inserts himself into the middle of conversations he's not a part of

[GenessorDios]

^ is on a lifelong mission to bite and swallow his own teeth.

[jkatra]

^Has a secret base on the moon.

[Lunammi]

^ got his mind set on destroying Superman.

[jkatra]

^Wonder Woman.

[Lunammi]

^ is obsessed with being immortal.

[jkatra]

^Eats breakfast 10 times a day.

[Lunammi]

^ thinks that tea is a product created by gnomes.

[jkatra]

^Kidnapped by gnomes at an early age and raised to become one of them.

[Lunammi]

^ is related to umpa lumpa.

[jkatra]

^Owns a chocolate factory but refuses to produce white chocolate.

[Lunammi]

^ lives and works in Slurm factory.

[jkatra]

^Does white-collar crimes while wearing a blue collar.

[Espadrille]

Only wears collarless shirts.

[Lunammi]

^^ changed his name to Albert and now talks about himself in third person.

[jkatra]

^Often uses the word ain't.

[Lunammi]

^ often talks in dothraki.

[Gerard91]

Everyone in the office fears ^.

[Lunammi]

^ can't spell word 'dog'.

[Fujimoto]

^ is really ESFP.

[Lunammi]

^ is not entirely a human.

[jkatra]

^Looks at things from a poodle's point of view.

[Lunammi]

^ is in love with crazy cat lover.

[jkatra]

^Has rejected love in favor of building giant weapons of mass destruction.

[Lunammi]

^ still believes in Tooth Fairy.

[Gerard91]

^ owns the universe

[Lunammi]

^ eats grass for breakfast.

[jkatra]

^Your best friend in the whole wide world.

[Lunammi]

^ happiest person someone have ever met.

[jkatra]

^Has a magic key that unlocks the doors to any Walgreen's in the United States.

[Espadrille]

^has an overactive fantasy life.

[Reizu]

^That fur is attached, you know.

[Eye on Earth]

^ Prefers baldness.

[Reizu]

^Prefers hairiness.

[IronSulfide]

^ Integrates body hair into all her cuisine.

[jkatra]

^Imperial Stormtrooper.

[Espadrille]

^has a stormy love life.

[Moxiie]

^sometimes fancies herself Storm from the X-Men and focuses on the love lives of others to practice her mutant power

[Espadrille]

Sometimes mistakes herself for a real monkey and overstuffs herself with bananas.

[Moxiie]

^ is known in some circles as one of the world's foremost primatologists but in others as that lady with the shopping cart filled with old copies of "Cat Fancy"

[reiven]

^ has her own private elvis collection.

[Moxiie]

^ is known in at least 7.9 social circles in his hometown as the "guy who dresses up as elvis and does interpretive dance renditions of blue suede shoes on our front lawns"

[Eye on Earth]

^ makes said blue suede shoes.

[reiven]

^ born in the bronx, eoe now makes a living chalking tourist caricatures in queensland.

[Eye on Earth]

^ Is secretly my best customer.

[Moxiie]

^designed a customer survey tool with only two choices 1) rates eoe's customer satisfaction at "mind blowing" and 2) rates eoe's customer satisfaction at "out of this world"

[reiven]

^ was a roadie for Sly and the Family Stone in 2004.

[Moxiie]

^ had a short time gig as the guy who arranged the artist formerly known as prince's cowlick before he went on stage

[reiven]

^ was Maurice Day's warm up act.
she warmed him up before he went on stage.

literally- his hands were like ice, and he usually had chills.
she offered him sex, but he preferred two warm blankets and hot tea.

true story.

[Moxiie]

^was once paid $3 to do a lengthy robot dance on the streets of las vegas to the electronic musical stylings of Kenny G.

[reiven]

^ can't seem to get music jingles out of her head.

Zippity Doo Dah, Zippity Yaay,
my oh my what a wonderful day

[Eye on Earth]

^ Has been wandering around the same parking lot for several years, not realizing all the shopping carts are gone.

[Moxiie]

^ has a little known and subjectively useless super power to insert jingles into the heads of people from afar.

[reiven]

thinking herself a marketing whiz, ^ lost the family fortune on an erstwhile brilliant idea; tiny post-it-note type glue dots that held reports together (instead of staples.)
brilliant right? yes, until she got to the marketing and decided to name the product OfficeSnot.

almost $220,000.... gone.

[Moxiie]

^moonlights as the lunch conference entertainment for Fortune 500 companies as a high powered big finance mime. he makes a pretty good living at it, stop hating.

[Fujimoto]

^ dials random numbers from the phone book and starts intense conversations.

[jkatra]

^Spies on Target on behalf of the Walmart corporation.

[CrudeHypothesis]

^Is a target of the Wallmart corporation.

[jkatra]

^Creates very refined and sophisticated hypotheses.

[Vox]

^ Found the Lost Dutchman's Mine!

[Espadrille]

^goes underwater mining for BP.

[Vox]

^ Once overdosed on Flintstones Vitamins.

[Espadrille]

^makes a habit of regular overdoses.

[Vox]

^Is deathly allergic to Tarragon.

[jkatra]

^Immune to poison.

[venuspop]

^ threatened to sink California into the ocean if not made governor soon.

[Espadrille]

^can't swim.

[venuspop]

^ won't teach me how.

[EmmaKynikos]

canes me when i've been "bad"

[thebrainpolice]

^Into S&M.

[jkatra]

^Does not use the Internet.

[Lunammi]

^ is working on a secret project which would destroy all trees.

[Selene]

^ Secretly performs nightly ritual of tree hugging before bedtime.

[Lunammi]

^ sleeps under the bed of parents.

[jkatra]

^Is the parent to more than 3,000 people.

[Lunammi]

^ is not a part of the universe.

[jkatra]

^Messed up in creating the universe.

[Lunammi]

^ married a tree named Nonsense.

[jkatra]

^Has an important announcement to make that requires your immediate attention.

[Lunammi]

^ is the most amazing person in the whole world. No. Universe.

[jkatra]

^Throws empty wine bottles at passing people.

[Lunammi]

^ worked in circus as clowns personal assistant.

[jkatra]

^Lives in the tallest tree in the world.

[Lunammi]

^ goes to graveyard every Sunday to mourn lost hopes and dreams.

[jkatra]

^Pounds on computer keyboard with forehead.

[Lunammi]

^ had a dream about writing next Twilight book.

[jkatra]

^Is not who she appears to be.

[Lunammi]

^ is a robot.

[jkatra]

^Leader of the robot army that will crush your puny defenses.

[Lunammi]

^ is brainless.

[jkatra]

^Demands that everyone learn to play the clarinet.

[thebrainpolice]

^Is Squidward.
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[Espadrille]

Has dreams about licking cats' noses.

[Moxiie]

^once sequestered herself on the Isle of Mann to see if she could thereby understand the male species

[Espadrille]

Tried to write a sequel to the Bible.

[Cooper]

^secretly wants to play bunny games

[Moxiie]

^ is known in some circles as "that guy who dines with skeletons"

[Cooper]

^ has not been around long enough to know that is not a rumor.

[Espadrille]

Does cross stitch at night to relax.

[Moxiie]

^ once cross stitched the U.S. constitution onto a toaster cover. No one questions her patriotism while eating breakfast any longer

[Espadrille]

^was cross eyed until very recently.

[Moxiie]

^ is seriously considering getting a glass eye with a picture of Michael Jackson, circa Thriller engraved on it

[Espadrille]

Can't afford candy so sucks on glass eyes.

[jkatra]

^Killed a man for 6 cents.

[Espadrille]

^has no sense.

[jkatra]

^Betrayed fiance at the altar and ran away with a 14 year old.

[Cooper]

^was that 14 year old

[jkatra]

^Gives permission for you to go to the bathroom.

[Cooper]

^ waits for that permission for way too long.....

[Moxiie]

^Only dates 14yr olds who determine their age in dog years...so really only dates those over 80....

[Cooper]

^ is pretending to be sick and twisted in the hopes all will think she is not really sick and twisted, but only pretending to be sick and twisted.

[Moxiie]

^ once wrote a secret manifesto on "How to be Sick and Twisted" but unfortunately wrote it on toilet paper....in the rain.

[Cooper]

^ has a "thing" for TP rolls....

[thebrainpolice]

^ Demands TP for his bunghole.

[Moxiie]

^sometimes pulls his shirt up over his head and marches around after drinking mt. dew

[jkatra]

^Cold blooded bastard.

[reiven]

^ translated The art of war from chinese to english, and then back to chinese.
now, he can't figure out why the second chinese version differs from the first.

[jkatra]

^Believes war isn't an art form.

[Eye on Earth]

^ Believes art is a war form.

[Moxiie]

^ likes to play "war" with the old folks at the home, unfortunately many of them don't know what he's doing and the rest just stare at him as he hides behind houseplants using a stick as rifle

[reiven]

moxie is her real name.
moxie-ann, actually. she thought adding an extra i would throw me off.


pffft.

[Moxiie]

^ sometimes makes a few extra bucks here and there as a name detective. granted, it's not much, but hey, a buck's a buck man

[jkatra]

^Lives on 23 cents a month.

[reiven]

^ drives a phone booth home to indonesia every evening.
traffic is a bitch with no AC.

[Moxiie]

^is working a manuscript entitled "how to win friends through cautious weak willed negotiation" hoping to appeal to most of humanity

[Fujimoto]

^ once sat cross-legged in the town square for a month, just smiling and not speaking a word, to see how many disciples she could gather.

[jkatra]

^Village mascot.

[CrudeHypothesis]

^Is undermined by water, and mirrors.

[jkatra]

^Responsible for the broken economy.

[CrudeHypothesis]

^Responsible for
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[Vox]

^ Starred in the porn parody titled "Bareback Mountain," under the alias "Buck Bronco."

[jkatra]

^Drunk leprechaun.

[Vox]

^Gave "Leprechaun in the Hood (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)" two thumbs up.

[Espadrille]

Thinks Vox Populis was a Broadway musical.

[jkatra]

^Will be your waitress for this evening.

[BobtheINTJ]

Secretly wears waitress uniform hoping for a big tip while posting threads.