View Full Version : Let's Spread Rumors
02-07-2012, 11:03 PM
^Starred in most movies.
02-07-2012, 11:12 PM
^ won the award for last year's Special Effects Coordinator.
02-08-2012, 04:51 AM
^ has been imprisoned in no less than four mall jails.
02-08-2012, 04:53 AM
^ caught inappropriately dressed at the lingerie section.
02-08-2012, 07:44 AM
^Has done things you can't even imagine.
02-08-2012, 02:33 PM
^ Never washes his hands.
02-08-2012, 02:52 PM
^ Has Tim Tebow posters all over his bedroom walls.
02-08-2012, 02:56 PM
^ Doesn't actually know who Tim Tebow is.
02-08-2012, 02:59 PM
^ Disgruntled Patriots fan.
02-08-2012, 03:38 PM
^ Justin Bieber fan.
02-08-2012, 05:19 PM
^ had more plastic surgeries than Michael Jackson.
02-08-2012, 05:37 PM
^ Is President of the local bong makers union.
Eye on Earth
02-08-2012, 06:03 PM
^ Wishes Deep Throat was his girlfriend.
02-08-2012, 06:16 PM
^ Joined Facebook simply for the pleasure of unfriending people.
Eye on Earth
02-08-2012, 06:17 PM
^ Might be right.
02-08-2012, 06:44 PM
^Might be right handed.
02-08-2012, 07:04 PM
^tried homeopathic teeth whitening:
one part boxing mouthpiece, two parts clorox
Eye on Earth
02-08-2012, 07:06 PM
^ Tried spray on tan. Look what happened.
02-08-2012, 07:26 PM
^ wanted everyone to look at what happened because he doesn't know what happened.
Eye on Earth
02-08-2012, 07:34 PM
^ President and Founder - Hairclub for Dogs.
02-08-2012, 07:49 PM
^ part-time groomer at my Hairclub for Dogs. Man! Does ^ flirt with those dogs. ;)
02-08-2012, 09:41 PM
^Works at the Hairclub for the Bald.
02-08-2012, 09:45 PM
^ leaves good tips at the Hairclub for the Bald.
02-08-2012, 10:04 PM
^Leaves bad tips at fast food restaurants.
02-08-2012, 10:14 PM
Every time a dog goes "Woof! Woof!", ^ goes "Ruth! Ruth!"
02-08-2012, 10:17 PM
^Just realized that Woof spelled backwards is Foow.
02-08-2012, 10:25 PM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Climb in my bed
So I can do youis the height of ^'s capacity for romance.
02-09-2012, 04:33 AM
^ Thinks it is romantic to leave a trail of roses leading to the backseat of his car.
02-09-2012, 05:52 AM
^ Has been wearing the same neon pink shirt, pants, suspenders, shoes and hat on all first dates since 1989, because he thinks they make him look sexy, "classic" and romantic.
>thinks suspenders should make a come back so you don't have to worry w/a belt...
02-09-2012, 05:59 AM
^ Secretly prefers Winona Ryder in pink suspenders but refuses to admit to it openly.
02-09-2012, 07:35 AM
^Has evolved beyond the need for love and sex.
02-09-2012, 07:40 AM
^ can fire a bullet in one ear and out the other without causing damage.
02-09-2012, 09:49 AM
^ can absorb bullets and spit them back at you.
02-09-2012, 09:55 AM
^ can absorb large quantities of fast food.
02-09-2012, 09:56 AM
^ has 99% body fat.
02-09-2012, 10:04 AM
^ watches BBW porn.
02-09-2012, 10:13 AM
^ considers porn to be the only legitimate genre of film.
02-09-2012, 10:33 AM
^ has Cheeto-stained fingers
02-09-2012, 01:16 PM
^is a malignant narcissist.
02-09-2012, 01:58 PM
^ is benignly humble.
02-10-2012, 06:07 AM
^ is the real Ironman.
02-10-2012, 06:27 AM
^Eats Ironmen for breakfast and the occasional snack.
^ Only watches infomercials on TV
02-10-2012, 09:15 AM
^Thinks there are real people inside the TV.
02-10-2012, 09:41 AM
^ Makes custom orthotics for cats.
^ Bathes in H 2SO 4 solution
02-10-2012, 09:46 AM
^ Washes face with mercury.
02-10-2012, 10:10 AM
^ Washed Freddie Mercury's face.
02-10-2012, 10:13 AM
^ Worships Freddie Prinze Jr.
02-10-2012, 10:23 AM
^Not a regular person like you and I.
02-10-2012, 10:58 AM
^ Wasn't allowed in the big kids' treehouse.
02-10-2012, 11:09 AM
^ Rode the short bus to school.
02-10-2012, 11:15 AM
^ Failed kindergarten.
02-10-2012, 11:26 AM
^Desires to repeat first and third grades, but not in order.
02-10-2012, 02:51 PM
^Squints eyes in a vain attempt to understand anything.
02-10-2012, 03:05 PM
^ Wears black framed glasses in a bid to look "intellectual"
^ Wears a scapular to look spiritual.
02-10-2012, 03:38 PM
^ stuffs his bra.
02-10-2012, 04:25 PM
^Wears braces for the rest of his life.
^ Lifts breasts that he wears restlessly.
02-10-2012, 04:36 PM
^ finds ^^'s breasts attractive.
^ Finds he is attracted by Brest (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).
02-10-2012, 05:14 PM
^Is not 1980's rap superstar Young MC (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).
02-10-2012, 05:16 PM
^ Steals pens.
02-10-2012, 05:17 PM
^Steals the love of life from people's enthusiastic eyes.
02-10-2012, 05:22 PM
^ Can make babies cry with one stern glance.
02-10-2012, 05:23 PM
^ Steals candy from babies.
^ Can't dye babies steel.
02-10-2012, 05:28 PM
^ Thinks babies are an excellent source of protein.
^ thinks wondering around with an almond face on, licking a massive carrot is a commonly accepted behavior.
02-10-2012, 05:31 PM
^ thinks that is appropriate business formal attire.
^ Is going nut over formal uniforms.
02-10-2012, 05:45 PM
^ is an avid proponent of knickerbockers.
^ Thinks the polka dots on his carrot make it designer worthy.
02-10-2012, 05:54 PM
^ Would rather take a dagger to the heart than don off-brand casual wear.
02-10-2012, 05:58 PM
^ Designed Freddie Mercury's wardrobe.
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^ Is too inhibited to wear an almond head, but wishes he wasn't.
02-10-2012, 06:04 PM
^ Designed a 25-pound hat that caused serious neck injury at its debut in Milan.
^ Modeled his suit after a cuttlebone he found on E-Bay
02-10-2012, 06:12 PM
^ enjoys mimicking store mannequins.
^ Feels comfortable in presence of dry fruits.
02-10-2012, 06:15 PM
^ Enjoys daily rides on the merry-go-round.
02-10-2012, 06:18 PM
^ Plays in the ball pit at McDonalds.
02-10-2012, 06:23 PM
^ Leaves dark and disturbing things in said ball pit.
^^ Plays the French-fries-man at said joint. His sole qualification for the job was that he vaguely looked French. Which was largely enough. Downside is that since then, he can't get rid of the greasy hair, no matter how hard he tries.
^ His application to said real estate venture was rejected because he looked too nut.
02-10-2012, 06:37 PM
^ Got first and only job as an intern at the local insane asylum and proceeded to integrate seamlessly into the patient community.
^ Is afraid of 3 points perspective.
02-10-2012, 06:42 PM
^ Believes Yin and Yang are co-owners of a Chinese grocery.
02-10-2012, 07:02 PM
^Doesn't want to fight the system.
02-11-2012, 04:49 AM
^ is part of the system, hence part of the problem.
02-11-2012, 06:17 AM
^'s computer uses an operating system from 1982.
02-11-2012, 06:34 AM
^ still uses a typewriter to issue important memos.
02-11-2012, 06:37 AM
^ Transmits messages to friends via carrier pigeon.
02-11-2012, 06:41 AM
^ is looking for hats.
02-11-2012, 08:25 AM
^Is looking for love in all the wrong places.
^ will never realize that you don't have to look for love. You become love.
02-11-2012, 09:15 AM
^ plays solitaire monopoly.
02-11-2012, 02:10 PM
^Has a monopoly on laundry detergent.
02-11-2012, 02:37 PM
Demands to use the racecar every time he plays Monopoly.
02-11-2012, 02:48 PM
^Eats chess pieces.
02-11-2012, 03:05 PM
^ Chipped his tooth crunching down on a handful of checkers.
02-11-2012, 05:16 PM
^Always loses tic tac toe games.
Eye on Earth
02-11-2012, 05:30 PM
^ Puts Tic Tacs between his toes to fight foot odor.
02-11-2012, 05:35 PM
^Doesn't believe that Whitney Houston just died.
Eye on Earth
02-11-2012, 05:36 PM
^ Wants to experiment on her body.
02-11-2012, 05:54 PM
^Won drug use competitions against Whitney Houston.
Eye on Earth
02-11-2012, 05:55 PM
^ Wears Depends.
02-11-2012, 06:49 PM
02-11-2012, 07:05 PM
^Does unspeakable things in dark alleys.
02-11-2012, 09:54 PM
^can't speak in dark alleys
02-11-2012, 10:55 PM
^ Can't bowl in dark alleys.
02-11-2012, 11:13 PM
^ Is a pedophile.
02-11-2012, 11:19 PM
^Not a bibliophile.
02-11-2012, 11:24 PM
^ Sounds like a hermaphrodite.
02-11-2012, 11:25 PM
^Not recently visited by Aphrodite.
02-12-2012, 02:10 AM
^ Pays his respects to the latest Shrimping catch.
Eye on Earth
02-12-2012, 02:18 AM
^ Eats shrimp with his toes.
02-12-2012, 02:22 AM
^ Sleeps with Shrimp.
02-12-2012, 04:19 AM
^Goes to a fast food restaurant on his birthday.
02-12-2012, 04:22 AM
^ Celebrates at fast food restaurants on every birthday.
02-12-2012, 04:23 AM
^Contemplates the inevitability of death on birthdays.
02-12-2012, 04:32 AM
^ Measures his height and IQ on every birthday.
02-12-2012, 05:06 AM
^ Thinks random internet quizzes are valid IQ tests.
02-12-2012, 05:54 AM
^ thinks poor Whitney is pretty.
02-12-2012, 06:35 AM
^ starts snowball fights with downtown businessmen.
02-12-2012, 06:37 AM
^ pelts food vendors with tomatoes.
02-12-2012, 06:43 AM
^ Has fast food for every meal.
02-12-2012, 06:44 AM
^ does disgusting things to the lobster bisque before serving it to patrons at his restaurant.
02-12-2012, 06:46 AM
^ lectures said lobster bisque before serving it to patrons at his restaurant to prep them for a ravenous end.
02-12-2012, 06:51 AM
^ eats lobster simply to have an excuse to pop them into the boiling pot.
02-12-2012, 06:54 AM
^ usually perform a mass prayer before popping his lobsters.
02-12-2012, 06:57 AM
^wakes up every night at 3am, goes to the darkest room and pretends to be satellite in space.
02-12-2012, 06:58 AM
^^ gives the uneaten husk a proper burial at sea.
02-12-2012, 07:02 AM
^Once a weekend sings love songs to a poster of Batman.
02-12-2012, 07:04 AM
^ Turned swimming pool into an undersea shrine for Aquaman.
02-12-2012, 07:09 AM
^Burns books in case of book-eating-aliens invasion
02-12-2012, 07:21 AM
^ Prefers the taste of Penguin paperbacks over Vintage.
02-12-2012, 07:25 AM
^Covers head in sand and pretends that is invisible.
02-12-2012, 09:55 AM
^Get's a boner when he's milking cows
02-12-2012, 09:58 AM
^ Spends hours burning sheets of paper and weeping
02-12-2012, 10:22 AM
^Quickly surrenders during a pillow fight.
02-12-2012, 01:22 PM
^ takes pillow fights too serious
^fills pillows with rolls of nickels first;)
02-12-2012, 01:29 PM
^Pays for everything with nickels.
02-12-2012, 03:37 PM
^ Buys penny candy with $100 bills.
Eye on Earth
02-12-2012, 03:42 PM
^ Uses rolls of pennies to enhance how his manhood looks in his pants.
02-12-2012, 03:43 PM
^ always refers to his manhood in the third person.
Eye on Earth
02-12-2012, 03:45 PM
^ Refers to his in the second person.
02-12-2012, 03:54 PM
^Is a ravenous grizzly bear that attacks local villages in your area.
02-12-2012, 03:57 PM
^ Gets into car crashes intentionally to sue for insurance money.
02-12-2012, 04:03 PM
^ Chases ambulances
02-12-2012, 04:04 PM
^Is a hysterical Chinese woman wandering the streets of New York.
02-12-2012, 04:06 PM
^ Sells counterfeit goods in Chinatown.
02-12-2012, 04:40 PM
^ Thinks pho is Chinese food.
02-12-2012, 05:10 PM
^Thinks Thai food involves shoe laces.
02-12-2012, 07:52 PM
^ Loves the smell of napalm in the morning.
02-12-2012, 09:04 PM
^spends his days watching marriage proposals on youtube
02-12-2012, 10:16 PM
^Someone you would never allow your parents to meet over dinner.
02-12-2012, 11:25 PM
^ had a telescope installed in his condominium.
02-13-2012, 12:31 AM
^Biologically incapable of becoming surprised.
02-13-2012, 12:34 AM
^ keeps the blinds open on purpose at all hours.
02-13-2012, 12:51 AM
^ smiles for jkatra's telescope.
02-13-2012, 04:43 AM
^ sneaks GPS tags into people's clothing so she can monitor them at will.
02-13-2012, 05:07 AM
^ loves the greenish film outside a cooked egg yolk.
02-13-2012, 06:44 AM
^Dresses up as Darth Vader and runs around in the park screaming "I'm not crazy".
02-13-2012, 06:59 AM
^Still wears Smurf pajamas.
02-13-2012, 07:08 AM
^ Secretly married Nosferatu.
02-13-2012, 12:50 PM
^ drinks straight from the carton.
02-13-2012, 01:30 PM
^ gets his entire dairy intake from eating ice cream.
02-13-2012, 02:21 PM
^Wants to vacation at a dairy.
^ Misspelled his name. It should read ViagraChoir.
02-13-2012, 03:31 PM
^ Fertilizes people's gardens.
^ Stole that line from Onigumo13
02-13-2012, 03:39 PM
^ Stalks all 13 Onigumos
02-13-2012, 04:16 PM
^ Was on intimate terms with the Queen mum before she passed.
02-13-2012, 04:16 PM
^ Is a seat sniffer
02-13-2012, 04:17 PM
^ Greets people by licking their faces.
02-13-2012, 04:20 PM
^ Greets people by sniffing their butts.
02-13-2012, 04:29 PM
^ Jumps on random strangers to knead their stomachs.
^ Licks a giant dotted plastic consolador in presence of strangers.
02-13-2012, 04:36 PM
^ Carries a parasol at all times.
^ Can't flex a single muscle.
02-13-2012, 04:45 PM
^ Takes steroids.
02-13-2012, 06:35 PM
^still has his sister's barbie dolls.
02-13-2012, 06:38 PM
^Gets lost in hotel lobbies.
02-13-2012, 07:40 PM
^ needed a GPS to navigate his apartment.
02-14-2012, 02:59 AM
^Sits on street and pretends to drive invisible car in presense of other people.
02-14-2012, 04:35 AM
^ Never yields to pedestrians.
02-14-2012, 04:37 AM
^ Always talks backwards.
02-14-2012, 04:39 AM
^ Protests bad restaurant service by throwing cutlery at the waiters.
02-14-2012, 04:43 AM
^Never pay bills in restaurant.
02-14-2012, 04:49 AM
^ Forages for food in restaurant dumpsters.
02-14-2012, 04:52 AM
^ is an ultimate stalker.
02-14-2012, 04:53 AM
^ eats centipedes.
02-14-2012, 04:54 AM
^ lives in graveyard.
02-14-2012, 04:59 AM
^ terrorize the dead.
02-14-2012, 05:01 AM
^ pretended to be god, so went straight to hell
02-14-2012, 05:04 AM
That knife in his hand is made of plastic.
02-14-2012, 05:06 AM
^ fakes own death every 2 years so everyone would love him/her.
02-14-2012, 05:17 AM
^ sells plastic knives for a living.
02-14-2012, 05:19 AM
^ sells dog's poop for a living.
02-14-2012, 05:35 AM
^ is one of my customer.
02-14-2012, 05:37 AM
^ makes me over-pay every time I buy.
02-14-2012, 05:42 AM
^ always insist on discounted poop.
02-14-2012, 05:43 AM
^ never makes discounts.
02-14-2012, 05:44 AM
^ is a bargain hunter.
02-14-2012, 05:51 AM
^ don't know how to use an umbrella.
02-14-2012, 05:52 AM
^ sometimes talk to ^ shoe.
02-14-2012, 05:54 AM
^ sometimes talks to my toothbrush.
02-14-2012, 05:56 AM
Quarrels with his teeth.
02-14-2012, 05:59 AM
^Always quotes Mr. Bean.
(I'm a girl, by the way)
02-14-2012, 06:00 AM
02-14-2012, 06:03 AM
02-14-2012, 06:04 AM
^ lectures people about toilet etiquette in her sleep.
02-14-2012, 06:05 AM
^ still pee in bed.
02-14-2012, 07:26 AM
02-14-2012, 08:32 AM
^Insists on being your best friend.
02-14-2012, 09:28 AM
^ Is color blind.
02-14-2012, 09:45 AM
^ Eats cacti for breakfast.
02-14-2012, 09:47 AM
^ uses a rock instead of pillow.
02-14-2012, 10:13 AM
^ tries to teach differential calculus to her cats.
02-14-2012, 10:18 AM
^ Wears a paper bag on head in presence of his/her pets.
02-14-2012, 10:46 AM
^Supplies faulty paperbags through the internet.
02-14-2012, 10:57 AM
^ always sleeps in a grave of a sad clown.
02-14-2012, 11:01 AM
^Tends the flowers on the grave next to me by substituting cheap plastic ones and selling the good ones on the corner.
02-14-2012, 11:02 AM
^ helps me to sell them.
02-14-2012, 11:03 AM
^Has a tendency to give too much information thus spoiling our business model.
02-14-2012, 11:05 AM
^ always hits me with rake for spoiling our business model.
^ Consistently argues that the chancellor should gamble.
02-14-2012, 02:56 PM
^ Faked his genealogy so he could start an Indian casino.
02-14-2012, 07:08 PM
^Stunt doubles for wooden Indians in cowboy movies.
02-14-2012, 07:16 PM
^ Is at the bottom of the totem pole.
02-14-2012, 07:19 PM
... which ^ marked with ^ pee.
02-15-2012, 03:20 AM
^ every night goes to cementery to mourn lost hopes and dreams.
02-15-2012, 04:28 AM
^ goes to the cemetary to steal flowers.
02-15-2012, 04:46 AM
^ takes pictures of me stealing flowers.
02-15-2012, 04:49 AM
^ thinks The Big Apple is a genetically modified fruit.
02-15-2012, 04:51 AM
^ has 12 identical imaginary friends.
02-15-2012, 05:17 AM
^ speaks to them when no one is listening.
02-15-2012, 06:31 AM
^Sometimes loses arguments with imaginary friends.
02-15-2012, 07:00 AM
^ pissed off his hat.
he also drives a VW rabbit with a license plate that says ML8ML8
02-15-2012, 07:52 AM
^Is mad because I didn't pick him up at the bus stop he was 3 minutes late for.
02-15-2012, 07:59 AM
when axed if he was a musician, ^ replied "yup" and whooped out his kazoo.
no money was made that day.
02-15-2012, 08:03 AM
^Unplugged my kazoo amp right before my big solo.
02-15-2012, 08:06 AM
when the music thing fell through, ^ proved his tap-dancing was no better than his kazoo-ing
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