View Full Version : Let's Spread Rumors
Eye on Earth
01-26-2012, 11:50 PM
^ Doesn't understand who is inside the computer. Those little elves will get you!
01-27-2012, 03:03 AM
^ does elvis impersonations at a nearby pub.
latest blog entry:
if one more person says i look more like buddy holly than elvis costello, i'm going to try a different pub
01-27-2012, 05:38 AM
^ knows where the bodies are buried.
01-27-2012, 10:14 AM
^ works pro-bono as a cadaver sniffing dog.
01-27-2012, 12:28 PM
^ Uses Methamphetamine as a mood enhancer.
01-27-2012, 03:17 PM
^ Served in the War on Drugs.
01-27-2012, 03:43 PM
^ received a dishonorable discharge for his conduct during said war.
01-27-2012, 04:50 PM
^ found and installed the same wallpaper from his av into his home.
it's the dining room, i think.
01-27-2012, 05:11 PM
^ thinks ripped blue jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt count as "business casual" attire.
01-27-2012, 06:14 PM
^ is aroused by car accidents.
01-27-2012, 06:31 PM
^has counted the number of follicles between the fist knuckle and the first joint of his left index finger.
01-27-2012, 07:09 PM
^ couldn't find any hair in between.
01-27-2012, 07:21 PM
^ has over 20 tattoos.
01-27-2012, 07:23 PM
^ has a tattoo of a freckle on left forearm.
01-27-2012, 07:34 PM
^'s nipples are tattooed.
01-27-2012, 07:50 PM
^ sports a bevy of oesophagal piercings.
01-27-2012, 07:51 PM
^^ has hairy nipples
01-27-2012, 07:54 PM
01-27-2012, 07:55 PM
01-27-2012, 07:58 PM
^ Was upset to learn that his favorite Brazilian steakhouse is actually managed by an elderly Korean couple.
01-27-2012, 08:02 PM
The elderly Korean couple dotes on ^.
01-27-2012, 08:04 PM
^Thinks North Korea is a very high-tech culture.
01-27-2012, 08:07 PM
^ Really thinks he's turning Japanese.
01-27-2012, 08:21 PM
^ is Agent Ajinomoto from Japanese Intelligence.
01-27-2012, 08:46 PM
^ is a prototype conversation robot built by Sony engineers in Osaka.
01-27-2012, 10:45 PM
^ fired by Sony for producing substandard conversation chips in said robot.
01-28-2012, 02:25 AM
Nagged by Samsung bosses for failure to sabotage iPad2 sales figures.
01-28-2012, 06:57 AM
Fired by Nintendo for producing a burlesque version of The Legend of Zelda.
01-28-2012, 11:38 AM
^Hired by Nintendo for wearing Mario clothes.
01-28-2012, 11:48 AM
^ Spends countless hours fantasizing about Princess Peach.
01-28-2012, 11:49 AM
^Spends countable minutes eating bacon.
01-28-2012, 03:10 PM
^ Spent hours trying to clear World 1-1 on Super Mario before giving up.
01-28-2012, 03:32 PM
^ Thinks playing World of Warcraft is a good way to meet women.
01-28-2012, 03:40 PM
^Tried to sell a game called World of Thebrainpolice, but no one would buy.
01-28-2012, 04:17 PM
when ^ was in the ninth grade, his script was already horrid. on a lark, he suggested to gina webster (who's handwriting was perfect and loopy) that they each turn in homework with the others name at at the top, just to see if the teacher would catch it. the teacher read ^'s name, and graded the paper a 72; then read gina's name at the top of the next and gave her a 96.
01-28-2012, 04:17 PM
^ Sold for $5 at a charity date auction.
Eye on Earth
01-28-2012, 04:18 PM
^ 500 years ago he was Batman.
01-28-2012, 04:21 PM
^ Was born from a cocoon.
01-28-2012, 04:24 PM
^ is doing more and more sophisticated grafts between his indoor plants
01-28-2012, 04:25 PM
^ spends two hours a day in a tanning salon.
01-28-2012, 08:21 PM
^Believes he is the ruler of Fantastico, a magical kingdom filled with talking palm trees.
01-28-2012, 09:06 PM
^ talks to palm trees
01-29-2012, 02:50 AM
^ once led a bible study, facetiously using passages from Tom Sawyer. one participant said "it's mazing how relevant the words are still, considering they were written two thousand years ago"
01-29-2012, 02:54 AM
^ doesn't know how to use a smart phone.
01-29-2012, 03:03 AM
^ is so sure there is a 'right way' for toilet paper to dispense, she will actually turn the roll around in public restrooms.
01-29-2012, 04:37 AM
The mosquitoes refused to suck the living daylights out of him because he is too skinny.
01-29-2012, 10:36 AM
^ Has every Dr. Suess Book ever written.
01-29-2012, 11:31 AM
^Believes that libraries are the reservoir of all evil.
01-29-2012, 11:40 AM
^ Believes in evil.
01-29-2012, 11:42 AM
^'s cousin told him if he didn't wash his hands between nostrils, he would cross pollenate his mucous and create an alien booger.
01-29-2012, 12:16 PM
^'s "p" is so strong he hasn't showered in two months because he just never got around to it.
01-29-2012, 02:10 PM
^ thinks eating nuts, popcorn and seeds aid vertical growth for people past puberty.
01-29-2012, 02:16 PM
^ is certain that social exchange theory negates the bystander effect. despite living proof that each can exist simultaneously in one individual, ^ insists it is only possible in persons with multiple personality disorders.
01-29-2012, 02:40 PM
^ stalks everyone on INTJf.
01-29-2012, 02:45 PM
^Stalks everyone in the city of Sarasota, Florida.
01-29-2012, 03:17 PM
^ Has a telescope in his bedroom so he can spy on his neighbors.
Eye on Earth
01-29-2012, 03:20 PM
^ Keeps his shades open just so people can see him.
01-29-2012, 04:46 PM
^Battles the forces of darkness in Starbucks cafes.
01-29-2012, 06:09 PM
^Battles dark forces in his coffee cup.
01-29-2012, 06:30 PM
^Is a robotic walrus.
01-30-2012, 04:47 AM
^ is a Peeping Tom.
01-30-2012, 05:35 AM
^ has a shower webcam.
01-30-2012, 05:38 AM
... secretly installed by ^.
01-30-2012, 05:44 AM
^ has an internet blog called "The Venus Room". I will leave the reader to speculate as to its subject matter.
01-30-2012, 09:17 AM
^Reads over 4,000 blogs a day.
01-30-2012, 09:45 AM
The more I kill ^, the less he dies. Quite frankly, it's annoying.
01-30-2012, 10:27 AM
^ Often confuses annoyed and adenoid.
01-30-2012, 01:29 PM
^Likes to greet Walmart greeters.
01-30-2012, 04:03 PM
^ Likes to ask Walmart greeters for spare change.
01-30-2012, 04:30 PM
^Only buys things using nickels.
01-30-2012, 04:33 PM
^ turns his underwear inside out for a second use.
01-30-2012, 04:34 PM
^Most likely person you'll meet in a dark alley.
01-30-2012, 05:27 PM
^ Has an endangered species barbeque every year.
01-30-2012, 06:07 PM
01-30-2012, 09:15 PM
^ is endangered.
01-30-2012, 09:27 PM
^Is Rodney Dangerfield.
01-30-2012, 11:23 PM
^ is Rodney Dangerfield's tie.
01-31-2012, 02:52 PM
^ still claims the indictment for manslaughter was "exaggerated a bit"
01-31-2012, 02:53 PM
^Likes the smell of soiled panties.
01-31-2012, 03:13 PM
^ convinced his Home Owners Association to allow him to put up street lamps on the road to Mordor.
01-31-2012, 03:27 PM
Found his way back from there thanks to those lamps!
01-31-2012, 03:32 PM
^'s nickname in high school was g gordon liddy
01-31-2012, 04:10 PM
^Thought that high school would be a school on a hill.
01-31-2012, 08:54 PM
^ fantasized about Aragorn on hot nights.
02-01-2012, 03:58 AM
^ holds PHD in literature
02-01-2012, 07:21 AM
^ specializes in ceiling fans and disordered ATMs.
02-01-2012, 09:22 AM
^Teaches other people what not to do.
02-01-2012, 12:58 PM
^Helps her demonstrate those things.
02-01-2012, 03:29 PM
^ Decapitates zombie clowns.
02-01-2012, 03:43 PM
^ has a nearly full shoe box of wooden nickels, and 7 round-tuits.
02-01-2012, 03:48 PM
^refuses to carry folding money - change only.
02-01-2012, 06:20 PM
^Exists in our hearts and minds as a vague hope for the future.
02-01-2012, 06:29 PM
^ Owns 50 crystal balls so he can constantly peer in at the future.
02-01-2012, 06:54 PM
^ Has 50 pairs of binoculars so she can peer through her neighbor's windows.
02-01-2012, 06:57 PM
^Has bought the houses beside, behind and in front of mine.
02-01-2012, 06:59 PM
^ Thinks swamp-front real estate is a sound investment.
02-01-2012, 07:02 PM
Invested his life savings in the company that makes inflatable pigs for Roger Waters.
02-01-2012, 07:04 PM
^ Thinks Pink Floyd's post Waters albums were actually good.
02-01-2012, 07:08 PM
^ Thinks those albums were made with a Brita filter.
02-01-2012, 07:12 PM
^ Bottles the water in her bathtub and sells it.
02-01-2012, 07:15 PM
^ My #1 customer.
02-01-2012, 07:18 PM
^ Walmart's #1 customer.
02-01-2012, 07:19 PM
^ Banned from Target stores worldwide following "the incident".
02-01-2012, 07:22 PM
^ Rides the mechanical horse outside of Walgreen's .
02-01-2012, 07:23 PM
^ Enjoys the show.
02-01-2012, 07:34 PM
^ Lives in an igloo.
02-01-2012, 07:34 PM
^Has done numerous unmentionable things.
02-01-2012, 07:37 PM
^ Just the one unmentionable thing, but it was a doozy.
02-01-2012, 07:41 PM
^ Knows all the unmentionable secrets of the Necronomicon.
02-01-2012, 07:45 PM
^ Posts "nom nom" in all the blogs and considers that a significant contribution.
02-01-2012, 07:49 PM
^ Wants the cookies in the blogs to go to waste.
02-01-2012, 10:26 PM
^Wants you to come to the dark side because they have cookies.
02-02-2012, 03:59 AM
^ prefers eating the beans, and therefor failed one accounting course after another.
02-02-2012, 05:06 AM
^ is the celebrity accountant who handled Oprah's affairs.
02-02-2012, 05:50 AM
^ Doesn't know a debit from a credit.
02-02-2012, 05:54 AM
^ thinks that assets are the excesses from liabilities.
02-02-2012, 06:31 AM
^ bites dentists.
02-02-2012, 08:50 AM
^Is a mild-mannered tax attorney in White Plains, New York.
02-02-2012, 10:55 AM
^ is Mitt Romney's corrupt tax accountant.
02-02-2012, 11:12 AM
^ is one of Newt Gingrich's mistresses.
02-02-2012, 11:22 AM
^ is one of Mitt Romney's secret wives.
02-02-2012, 11:27 AM
^ wears Mormon magic underwear.
02-02-2012, 03:00 PM
^ wore a mitre to last year's Halloween party.
^^ Was caught coughing in a comfy coffin
^ Licks the mystical lingam since immemorial times
02-02-2012, 03:51 PM
^Is the best waiter in the suburb of Beaverton in Portland, Oregon.
02-02-2012, 03:55 PM
^ farts and points
^ Often emulates Cheech & Chong alone in his kitchen.
02-02-2012, 04:11 PM
^gets panties in a wad at inopportune moments.
^ Hammers nothing but hot air.
02-02-2012, 05:32 PM
^ chose that avatar despite grave misgivings about one of the principles wearing gold pumps with a white skirt.
i just really liked the gun, ^ said
02-02-2012, 05:46 PM
^ is a topless motorcycling enthusiast.
02-02-2012, 08:01 PM
^ Has always wanted a motorbike but has Ancraophobia.
02-03-2012, 06:31 AM
^ had awesomephobia.
02-03-2012, 09:13 AM
^Told once again to stop eating the cookie dough.
02-03-2012, 10:05 AM
^ is jealous that venuspop gets to eat the cookie dough. ^ is actually missing their entire digestive system.
02-03-2012, 02:33 PM
^ slips a lot on her own bananna peals.
02-03-2012, 04:18 PM
^ uses a random number generator to decide how much to tip at restaurants.
02-03-2012, 04:30 PM
^Wanted for crimes against humanity and nature.
02-03-2012, 04:47 PM
^ Unwanted, in spite of crimes against humanity and nature.
02-03-2012, 05:15 PM
^Does not have a favorite ice cream flavor.
02-03-2012, 08:42 PM
^goes back to rub out fingerprints whenever touches a doorhandle
02-03-2012, 08:46 PM
^ always eat with his fingers.
02-03-2012, 09:57 PM
^Walks with his eyes closed as much of the time as possible, so that he doesn't have to acknowledge the existence of other people in the hallway.
02-03-2012, 10:34 PM
^Thinks a hypothesis is a type of triangle.
02-03-2012, 10:37 PM
^ thinks hypothesis is some sort of hippopotamus.
02-03-2012, 10:40 PM
^Thinks a hypothesis is a really good sister.
02-03-2012, 10:42 PM
^ thinks a hypothesis is a thesis on hypochondriacs.
02-03-2012, 11:58 PM
^Thinks a hypochondriac is a new form of nuclear missile.
02-04-2012, 12:09 AM
^ knows that a hypochondriac is a hyperactive anaconda.
02-04-2012, 12:18 AM
^Is a lethargic anaconda.
02-04-2012, 12:43 AM
^ hobby is hypnotizing anacondas with hypothyroidism.
02-04-2012, 12:50 AM
^Hobby is to study everyone's hobbies.
02-04-2012, 12:59 AM
^ hobbles when no one is looking.
02-04-2012, 01:03 AM
^Looks at people who aren't looking.
02-04-2012, 01:05 AM
^ stalks on-lookers.
02-04-2012, 01:18 AM
^Is a speck of dust.
02-04-2012, 01:23 AM
^ is a nitrogen atom. Very stable.
Eye on Earth
02-04-2012, 01:53 AM
^ Sniffs helium for fun.
02-04-2012, 05:02 AM
Whenever ^ is bathed in neon, he had a religious epiphany.
Eye on Earth
02-04-2012, 05:09 AM
^ Wishes the 'I Can Has Cheesebuger' cat was here.
02-04-2012, 06:49 AM
^ Is pitching a line of demotivational posters involving cats in various perplexing and defeating situations.
02-04-2012, 08:36 AM
^ Translated the Bible into lol cat speak. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
02-04-2012, 10:09 AM
^Haunts places even though he isn't a ghost.
02-04-2012, 03:59 PM
^ inserts subliminal pro-tobacco messages into Disney films.
02-04-2012, 04:15 PM
^Is never seen in the same place at the same time as clark kent OR michelle obama.
02-04-2012, 04:20 PM
^Assassinates pink bunnies from the deep shadows.
^ Only walks on stilts in her office.
02-04-2012, 05:45 PM
^Refers to guys as girls.
02-04-2012, 08:06 PM
^breeds bunnies, then eats them for brunch.
02-04-2012, 08:25 PM
^Is an elderly Scottish woman from the 14th century.
02-04-2012, 09:14 PM
^sniffs glue! How shocking!
02-04-2012, 09:22 PM
^Believes ethics is just a fad.
02-04-2012, 09:23 PM
^can't tell the difference between ethics and morals.
02-04-2012, 09:25 PM
^Believes that chocolate chip ice cream is a crime against the fabric of nature.
02-04-2012, 09:38 PM
Well it is, obviously. Especially if it's mint.
^causes his rumours to become truth. It's pretty much a superpower.
02-04-2012, 10:00 PM
^Preparing for the inevitable war against the evil 26th century cyber-pigs.
02-04-2012, 10:02 PM
^ paints his toenails with automotive enamel.
02-04-2012, 10:08 PM
^Believes that pumpkins are sentient life forms we need to open a dialouge with.
02-04-2012, 10:18 PM
^ spent a good part of his life afraid to go through a desert because he thought the sand people would get him.
02-04-2012, 10:47 PM
^Original home is somewhere near the Andromeda galaxy.
02-05-2012, 01:50 AM
^ lures nubile young things into a worm hole ^ created in his lab.
02-05-2012, 10:24 AM
^Likes to arbitrarily challenge police officers to sword duels.
02-05-2012, 10:35 AM
^still encrypts important conversations with his Cap'n Crunch decoder ring.
02-05-2012, 10:38 AM
^ Makes death metal versions of 60s pop songs (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
02-05-2012, 10:52 AM
^does something so much worse (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
02-05-2012, 11:47 AM
^Is a respectable middle-class housewife in a Vermont suburb.
02-05-2012, 12:48 PM
^ holds the world record for most (functioning) Big Wheels owned by an individual, @ 218.
^ has never won a Big Wheel race, despite competing biannually for the past 12 years.
Eye on Earth
02-05-2012, 01:07 PM
^ Winner of the Big Wheel races.
02-05-2012, 01:17 PM
^Soul is in jeopardy but still having a good time.
Eye on Earth
02-05-2012, 01:34 PM
^ Not allowed to watch the Super Bowl this year.
02-05-2012, 01:54 PM
^Takes 300 caplets of zinc a day.
02-05-2012, 02:14 PM
^squeezes his own fish oil.
02-05-2012, 02:55 PM
^Will resist you with his last ounce of strength, to the death if needed.
02-05-2012, 03:03 PM
according to ^'s math, the mayans have predicted the world will end in 2011
02-05-2012, 04:18 PM
^has the clearance, and the keys, to access Fort Knox.
02-05-2012, 04:27 PM
^is deadly at 20 paces with a bolo
02-05-2012, 05:40 PM
^ isn't deadly even with 20 bolos
02-05-2012, 06:23 PM
02-05-2012, 07:20 PM
^ Invented the sedentary lifestyle.
Eye on Earth
02-05-2012, 07:29 PM
^ Puts a special sauce in everyone's coffee.
02-05-2012, 07:58 PM
^Knows the secret formula for Coca Cola and will die to protect it.
Eye on Earth
02-05-2012, 08:00 PM
^ Is correct, maybe.
02-05-2012, 08:22 PM
^ gives the death gaze to nice little ladies on the street.
02-05-2012, 08:41 PM
^Gives the death glaze to his turkey on Thanksgiving.
02-05-2012, 09:53 PM
^ calls his neighbor's wife a turkey.
02-05-2012, 10:36 PM
^Skips merrily down the street.
02-05-2012, 10:38 PM
^ often raced his pet tortoise to school.
02-05-2012, 10:40 PM
^Thinks school is for fools.
02-05-2012, 10:47 PM
^ once burn down his principal's office.
02-05-2012, 10:53 PM
^Doesn't have an office.
02-05-2012, 11:29 PM
^ shares his cigar with Jason. Yes, Jason the apple polisher. He polishes cigars too.
02-05-2012, 11:39 PM
^Recommends using oranges in military operations for some reason.
02-05-2012, 11:44 PM
^ pelts his enemies with oranges. Due to this indignity, they wouldn't talk to him.
02-05-2012, 11:46 PM
^Unsuccessful at teaching zebras to dance.
02-05-2012, 11:48 PM
^ tried to teach the alligators to float belly-up.
02-05-2012, 11:54 PM
^Currently involved in deep real estate negotiations with a bunch of penguins.
02-05-2012, 11:57 PM
^ manages brain real-estate. This means that ^ decides which memory one should keep or discard.
^ Wow, VenusPop ate some genetically modified dog food recently.
02-06-2012, 11:13 AM
^ Unsuccessfully petitioned the International Criminal Court to try Bruno Mars for crimes against humanity.
^ benefited from the first successful transplant of an almond head to a salamander body
02-06-2012, 02:56 PM
^ hasn't been outdoors in 26 years.
^ Loves to spin around a banana.
02-06-2012, 04:44 PM
^ Bet thousands of dollars on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl.
^ Pats himself on the back.
02-06-2012, 05:17 PM
^fantasizes about women's clothing in a small dark room in the back of a waterfront warehouse.
02-06-2012, 05:21 PM
^ Is a Napalm addict. Don't ask me how, I'm just the dealer.
02-06-2012, 06:51 PM
^Is addicted to love.
02-06-2012, 07:02 PM
^ Loves RuPaul.
02-06-2012, 11:13 PM
^Hates all forms of progress towards a brighter future.
02-07-2012, 12:17 AM
^ loves everything bright. He was once described as "bright."
02-07-2012, 12:26 AM
^ takes anabolic steroids claiming they are for her 'back pain'.
02-07-2012, 12:28 AM
^ sterilizes his teeth to keep them from in-breeding.
02-07-2012, 02:53 AM
^is actually a thermo-nuclear bio-rocket surgeon.
02-07-2012, 03:55 AM
^Still sitting in a corner and thinking about what he did wrong.
02-07-2012, 05:32 AM
^ Dated Ruth. Found her very appealing.
02-07-2012, 06:19 AM
^ Dates Boy George, thinks androgyny is the new 80s.
02-07-2012, 10:00 AM
^Wonders if RuPaul and Divine ever dated each other.
02-07-2012, 11:30 AM
^ Flosses with piano wire.
02-07-2012, 12:03 PM
^Wants to date RuPaul.
02-07-2012, 12:43 PM
^ wipes back to front.
02-07-2012, 12:50 PM
^Has important things to say that don't involve RuPaul.
02-07-2012, 04:39 PM
^ Did not have sexual relations with that woman/man.
02-07-2012, 05:23 PM
^did have sexual relations with that hermaphrodite.
02-07-2012, 05:35 PM
^ Drank from the fountain of Salmacis (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
02-07-2012, 06:04 PM
^ Got wasted on sacramental wine.
02-07-2012, 07:55 PM
^ hit on the vestal virgins.
Eye on Earth
02-07-2012, 08:01 PM
^ Is more virgin than the vestal virgins.
02-07-2012, 09:35 PM
^ knows he's good-looking.
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