Hi from another INTJ

[Bill]

Hi everyone,

Recently retook the Myers-Briggs test and once again confirmed I'm an INTJ. At first, I was disappointed actually. I was hoping that I had 'graduated' into more of an extravert. But alas, no. At the same time, reading all these websites for and by INTJ's was somewhat of a relief. To know that yes, I'm different from most people, but at least I'm not alone in my differentness.

One of the challenges I face is starting relationships. I do get bored so easily with small talk. And I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So when I'm bored, everyone knows it. Which, you can imagine, is not the best for getting to know women. Haha. Any thoughts on dealing with this? I love input.

Also, another question. I get very excited when I'm leading others. I'm usually very reluctant to put myself in positions of authority, but when I'm there, I get a thrill from all the problems that arise. And I love working with people on a project. I find it so much easier to work with people on a project than to chat with them at a party. Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks, everyone. Reading posts on this site has been very helpful.

Best,
Bill

[PRBori]

Welcome Bill, I'm sure you will enjoy this forum...

Hi everyone,

Recently retook the Myers-Briggs test and once again confirmed I'm an INTJ. At first, I was disappointed actually. I was hoping that I had 'graduated' into more of an extravert. But alas, no. At the same time, reading all these websites for and by INTJ's was somewhat of a relief. To know that yes, I'm different from most people, but at least I'm not alone in my differentness.

I think most of us would like a bit of Extroversion in us... but it doesn't always works as we would like it to work.

One of the challenges I face is starting relationships. I do get bored so easily with small talk. And I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So when I'm bored, everyone knows it. Which, you can imagine, is not the best for getting to know women. Haha. Any thoughts on dealing with this? I love input.

Small talks are not fun, we value intelligence and like our conversations to stay alive, whether it is above general life events or field related. Maybe someone interested in the same areas as you would work best... not to mention someone who is open to learning more about other things that may not be common ground.

Also, another question. I get very excited when I'm leading others. I'm usually very reluctant to put myself in positions of authority, but when I'm there, I get a thrill from all the problems that arise. And I love working with people on a project. I find it so much easier to work with people on a project than to chat with them at a party. Can anyone relate to this?


I love to be the leader at work when deem necessary, specially if I feel the person in charge is not doing enough to get the project going, but outside of work, like in a party is a different story... that's entering the extroverts arena and I'm not a good fit at it, so don't feel bad... is part of our introversion side not to mingle with whoever...

[LionsPride]

Hello Bill,

I know what you mean about work speak. I find talking about business infinitely easier than talking small talk. I find I understand the rules of professional interaction clearer than the improv style of casual friendly chat.

Welcome to the forum and don't curse your INTJness just yet. Just because you didn't score an E doesn't mean you haven't succeeded with being more outgoing. You can be more sociable with people without being an E. 'I' doesn't mean you never talk to others, only that your naturally inclined to be in small groups/alone. Whether you go with that inclination or not is personal choice.

[Moondyn]

Small talks are not fun

The above statement is only true if you don't enjoy making fun of the small talk you and others indulge in.

I often enjoy seeming too small talkish and then laughing, or acting like I know the person very well, ah I just LOVE making fun of life! :popcorn:

SO HI $Bill

[rahdam]

And the Moondyn personality type crisis continues ;)

[Bill]

Haha, thanks for the replies everyone. I was surprised how quickly they came!

As for small talk, sometimes I just try to learn something from people. In other words, I ask questions and dig until I hit on something that's interesting to me. Some behavior, or trip, or activity, and I start questioning them - trying to glean as much interesting info as I can. As soon as we're done with that discussion, I get bored again.

I do have a bad habit of sometimes asking questions then losing interest as people are answering them. It doesn't take much time before I'm bored. Like "S"s for example. If I ask my coworker a question and he answers in a long winded, pointless way, I zone out within like 3 seconds. Haha. Not the best way to maintain a relationship, but oh well.

PRBori - I totally relate. I don't like to take charge until things are in trouble. But on the other hand, I feel like having no say makes me very frustrated. I'd rather take charge than sit in the background and have my opinion be meaningless.

In my job, for example, I don't have a lot of power, and given that the business is so horribly run, it drives me crazy. I guess what I hate is having no power. Especially when things are not going well. I'm pretty good at identifying why things aren't going well, yet I don't have the power to do anything about it. Even when I was back in high school, I would go up to teachers and tell them if I didn't think they were doing a good job, or not challenging me. And in elementary school, when I was in the school play, I'd often go up to older kid actors that weren't doing it right, and tell them why.

I'm so good at identifying problems sometimes that's all I see! If I go to a movie, look at what someone's appearance, go to a park, I see problems everywhere. Even when people are speaking to me, if someone misspeaks, in my head I correct their mistake. That can be distancing, I think.

This is all very interesting to me.

Any thoughts?

Thanks!
Bill

[Anumidium]

I think your only solution might be to formulate a plot to rule the world.
Though you'll have a lot of competition from other members of this forum. :P
People bug me all the time when they don't do things right, but I've almost entirely given up trying to correct them because they just don't want to listen, and I don't want to develop (any further than it is) my reputation as a Ms. Know-it-all. :/

[Bill]

I think your only solution might be to formulate a plot to rule the world.
Though you'll have a lot of competition from other members of this forum. :P
People bug me all the time when they don't do things right, but I've almost entirely given up trying to correct them because they just don't want to listen, and I don't want to develop (any further than it is) my reputation as a Ms. Know-it-all. :/

Yeah, I don't correct people on grammar, stuff like that. I know it's pointless and rude. But in my head I correct them anyways.

[Monte314]

I find it so much easier to work with people on a project than to chat with them at a party. Can anyone relate to this?


Oh, yeah. I think it is because a "common cause" unites everyone around a "non-social" goal, and provides a ready source of natural topics fdor conversation.

Welcome to the Forum.

[dragonsscout]

Yup, you're an INTJ.

SLAP OF MOOSE! :ninja:

Welcome to the forum, Bill!

[rwyatt365]

I think of it as "providing solutions", instead of seeing problems. The perspective that we have helps make the world a better place - even if people don't realize, or appreciate, it.

Welcome.