INTJ/INTJ relationships

[lambpox]

Do they work? Experiences?

I'm terribly confused! I don't know if the INTJ I like has feelings for me, or even likes me. How he comes across, even though we are good friends, he still seems distant. I know his mind functions like mine (we ask the same questions and reach the same conclusions), and we like most of the same things. Yet, it seems like I don't know him at all. It's driving me nuts.

[cullenisacreep]

Yes. I get along with all of the INTJs that I know. My best friend is one, and we are both weirdos and like laughing at people and making up songs.

As for romantic relationships, I cannot say. There was an INTJ who liked me once, but we eventually just became friends due to his falling for an outgoing feeler. They're still dating, and she's definitely more compatible with him than I was.

Edit: In your case, I suggest talking to him about something everyday like a book he likes or news item (the election seems plausible). INTJs can get going on conversations if they know a lot about it or are generally enthusiastic. I know of one INTJ/INTJ relationship that worked and still works, and they're so happy that they basically isolate themselves from everyone else. Not sure if that's a good thing for me, since she was a friend, but they obviously have no problems.

[smashy]

I'm an INTJ female and my fiance is an INTJ male. I believe I never had such a wonderful relationship with anyone before, and I truly believe he's my "soul mate". We understand each other really well, he doesn't think I'm crazy like other people do (lol), we like the same things and have the same values. But we don't have equal personalities. I find he's much more balanced then I am. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes I'm just a mess. He's very balanced and objective. Well, maybe that's why he's an Architect and I work in Marketing...

But I like the fact he's not clingy or needy and he's independent just like me. We're together because we love each other, not because we're responsible for each other's happyness, a thing that happens in many other "Feeling" relationships. He's also a very understanding person that values logic above everything. But I guess I'm much more critical then he is regarding others.

And it's also good because we have meaningfull conversations and we both like to relate with some few close friends and when we don't feel like it, we just stay home watching a movie or something. He also understands my need to be alone sometimes like I understand his.

Well, I had relationships with other types and it was hell. I couldn't stand the Extrovert type (it's good for fun but not for a serious relationship) or the Feeling type (makes me sick having a guy with LOTS of feelings), or Sensing types (my patience has limits). My relationship with an INTJ can look more "cold" then other types since we don't speak about feeeeelings all the time or don't have the need to "speak about the relationship"!!

I guess we're too busy living it!! :)

[Astra]

Do they work? Experiences?

I'm terribly confused! I don't know if the INTJ I like has feelings for me, or even likes me. How he comes across, even though we are good friends, he still seems distant. I know his mind functions like mine (we ask the same questions and reach the same conclusions), and we like most of the same things. Yet, it seems like I don't know him at all. It's driving me nuts.

If you are good friends, it seems pretty obvious that he likes you a lot.

If you are close (and think it's worth the possible risk to your friendship), why not just ask him straight out how he feels?

My own experience of being with another INTJ is that it can be amazing to be with someone who really understands where you are coming from, but you have to make a major effort to talk through your feelings with one another (as you are finding already...)

[Marcus]

The INTJ-INTJ interaction can create the feeling of chemistry, but the feelings are not necessarily mutual beyond understanding/respect (even friendship is not necessarily there). You have to get known the person behind the INTJ mask. BTW, you gave a pretty good summary about it.

[raz1337]

There's this girl at my college that I know is an INTJ because we took the MBTI in a class. I just happened to stay an hour past my normal time today, sitting outside a professor's office reading. She had a class in that building, and came up to me. We started chatting about classes and majors. It was so amazing to be able to go abstract in a conversation without getting a "wtf?" look from the other person.

After a bit, we moved to the courtyard where I went on the net on my laptop to help her prepare her curriculum. The whole time we talked, I saw the body language signs from her, and we had a great time. A few times during it, I kept wanting to grab her and kiss her. It was painful because she made me so comfortable. She has a boyfriend, though. :(

[lambpox]

The whole time we talked, I saw the body language signs from her, and we had a great time. A few times during it, I kept wanting to grab her and kiss her. It was painful because she made me so comfortable.


I don't know about kissing him (lol) but I do feel very comfortable around him. The only other person who I have felt this relaxed around is my INTP friend.

I think I know him pretty well, but due to our INTJness we tend to keep ourselves at a distance...it's sort of odd. I'm usually the one keeping the distance when I'm friends with a guy, so it's weird, in a sense. It's hard to explain. I enjoy his company very much, but we're both so void of feelings that we usually end up playfully belittling each other or studying for a test together, haha. We work together a lot on the school newspaper, so we have a lot of contact...but, we're just full of SERIOUS BUSINESS. D:

[raz1337]

I don't know about kissing him (lol) but I do feel very comfortable around him. The only other person who I have felt this relaxed around is my INTP friend.


Usually I love planning the curriculums. It's one of my favorite things to do, but when I was with her, I could barely decipher the course numberings and equivalencies. I think I was more bogged down by attraction than relaxation. It just sucks so much to be with someone that makes you feel like that, yet you can't do a god damn thing about it. Why are the girls I like taken?

[Vagrant]

My ex was also an INTJ.

As I said before, she's still my ex. Although recently I learned the relationship she got into a month after we broke up was a rebound relationship -- which settles a little bit of the baggage she left.

The thing is... she never communicated to me her problems that she really had. I tried my damndest to get her to vocalize them, but she wouldn't. She would also claim that I wasn't trying to cheer her up/comfort her when that's exactly what I was doing. She just didn't perceive it as attempting to do so.

So my caution to you is a matter of communication -- if you can leap that hurdle, you're in the clear.

[radames]

My best relationship was also with another INTJ. My own mind got in the way with this one as some Es were in the manipulation business and fabricated enough things to bring me close to madness. Unfortunately, this brought the relationship to an end as a result of my psychotic expression.

[gavi]

My ex was also an INTJ.

As I said before, she's still my ex. Although recently I learned the relationship she got into a month after we broke up was a rebound relationship -- which settles a little bit of the baggage she left.

The thing is... she never communicated to me her problems that she really had. I tried my damndest to get her to vocalize them, but she wouldn't. She would also claim that I wasn't trying to cheer her up/comfort her when that's exactly what I was doing. She just didn't perceive it as attempting to do so.

So my caution to you is a matter of communication -- if you can leap that hurdle, you're in the clear.

I totally agree with Vagrant . . . but it is exctremely difficult to get an INTJ with a secrect concern to share it . . . if he opens, you can easily neutralise the concern he has