Only one kind of girl you like?

[raz1337]

I'm wondering if this is true for other INTJ's. Maybe I just run into it more working in a department store, but I run into them some when I'm out shopping. There's this one kind of girl that despite my cold nature, gets through all of my defenses. It's not like she's violent about it either, it's more of, I see no reason to be on guard around her.

It's hard to describe this kind of girl. Sure, I see the mass amounts of hot girls I'd bang on the spot, but this one's different. They're the mentally sharp yet gentle kind. Confident enough to not have to rely on anyone, yet tactful about it. It's almost like they don't notice their confidence. They just see it as a means to an end for their lifestyle.

I ran into one of them last night at work. It was an older woman. When she came to ask me to help her find something, I went with her, and while she was standing near me, I could just sense something safe about her. I looked at her while I was ringing her up, and I saw she had a shirt with spots on it, and didn't look like she was dressed up to go out. I just thought to myself, "if this woman really got put together, the words beautiful or gorgeous wouldn't be enough."

I know I'm rambling. I've just come to know these kinds of girls. It's like I can feel them out. They're few and far between. It's sad because I've ran into none of them at my college. Does anyone else experience things like this?

[changos]

It takes a lot to realize about this without confusing it with physic attraction or that person bringing unconscious memories of somebody else (or many other options). Despite all the descriptions one can give, some won't understand it because they haven't found this connection ("love at first sight some might say").

But after many hours of long descriptions with an INTJ I know, discussing and trying to figure this out, we speculated about hormones, smells, body language and such. I even think about a connection beyond what we know (mentally connected? brain waves?) This is because we INTJS might lack facial expressions but some people just "get us".

Blah... many of the descriptions I might give would be confused with some other things, so, I ll leave it up here. Some girls (without being phsycical attraction) take you to another level and you just can't stop the energy that makes you want to be next to them.

[Vagrant]

A lot we find attractive is not based on personality type -- it's often affected by our parents, and external factors. A lot of the INTJ's here have greatly varying tastes in their preference for mates.

Personally, I find strong women sexy. However, the confident, but kind women are usually the ones who go through my defenses quickly. The things that will not attract me are shallowness or poor wisdom.

[Nanashi]

I'm attracted to gentle men. I really like ESFPs. You might read about that type & see if it approximates the women to which you're referring.

[zibber]

I ran into one of them last night at work. It was an older woman. When she came to ask me to help her find something, I went with her, and while she was standing near me, I could just sense something safe about her. I looked at her while I was ringing her up, and I saw she had a shirt with spots on it, and didn't look like she was dressed up to go out. I just thought to myself, "if this woman really got put together, the words beautiful or gorgeous wouldn't be enough."

You helped her find an item of clothing. Your attraction to her seems based mostly on her appearance. Have a nonshallow conversation with one of these girls and report back.

[Skye]

Raz1337,

Your description makes me think of INFJ (possibly INFP too). Both are quite rare types.

Personally speaking as an INFJ, I am getting more confident with age and getting more comfortable with myself - before that I used to be very shy.
Confident but shy.
Friendly but distant.
Outgoing but private.
Independent but looking for reassurance.
Direct/honest but diplomatic.
Logical/analytical but gentle/kind.
... lots of contradictions here, that's me - LOL

I often 'feel' a connection with people. Sometimes complete strangers are drawn to me somehow. If they are not acting too familiar, and they come across as friendly and interesting to talk to, then I totally enjoy this experience, it's like I have found "a kindred spirit"... However, I'm pretty sure that wasn't me in the department store - I never wear spots ;-)

If you are indeed connecting with a particular MBTI type, you would have to describe 'her' in a little more detail though... just thought it might help to tell you more about my type, and you can do some more research on your own - see if it fits with what you are observing/experiencing.

< Background - I have a deep, unspoken connection with an ISTJ at my workplace. I am at a loss how to describe it. Still trying to figure it out myself. Tell me more about breaking through ISTJ defences... although I think they are already down, but neither is taking the next step here. It is mind-boggling. Talking to him is awesome, I do not want to put that at risk, it is good the way it is now.>

[Colette]

Some girls (without being phsycical attraction) take you to another level and you just can't stop the energy that makes you want to be next to them.

Hmm....I'm almost sure I'm not one of 'these'...hehe.

So tell me boys, what is it that I have to do to achieve this ineffable quality? I want an eightfold path, or at the very least a 5-point plan ;)

[pinkroger]

Very rarely do I see any girl I am attracted to on more than a physical level, and when I do, I mostly admire her sarcasm or something like that. Honestly, I can't resist the overly social and overly emotional ones. They are so easy to hurt, it's like a game.

[Hatsumomo1]

I'm attracted to gentle men. I really like ESFPs. You might read about that type & see if it approximates the women to which you're referring.


So am I. Too bad they seem so hard to find these days.

[ricearoni]

I'm attracted to guys who aren't all high strung (think the opposite of Robin Williams). At first I thought it was because I was into introverts, but then I met a real mellow ENFJ. I mean the guy is an emotional fountain of suffering on the inside, but on the surface I thought he was just like me.

[Kisai]

Really my standards are: confident, intelligent, sane & cute. Match 3 and we'll have a date.

[curiousjane]

I'm a girl ... but I'll pitch in ...

Do I have a type? Mmmmhmmm. He's personified by Ed Norton. Specifically as Bruce Banner in the Hulk. :flirt:

Yummy, yummy, sweet geek!

[Kisai]

Whatever you do... don't make him hungry!

[Nikita]

I tend to be attracted one specific type of guy...most are born in the same year or my birth year, in one of the same two months, have the same hair color, and the same promiscuous proclivities. I don't know why.

[Colette]

I'm a girl ... but I'll pitch in ...

Do I have a type? Mmmmhmmm. He's personified by Ed Norton. Specifically as Bruce Banner in the Hulk. :flirt:

Yummy, yummy, sweet geek!

Edward Norton? Good call...sexy guy (and I mean 'sexy' in the broadest possible sense).

My 'type' (if I have one) is personified by men like Ralph Fiennes and Daniel Day-Lewis. Smart, sophisticated, deeply alluring.

[curiousjane]

My 'type' (if I have one) is personified by men like Ralph Fiennes and Daniel Day-Lewis. Smart, sophisticated, deeply alluring.
Oh, if Ralph or Daniel want to hang around, I'm not going to complain. ;)

But I just watched the Hulk the other night with my roommate and we just agreed that geeks in love hurt our hearts a little. We wanted things to work out for him. And he wasn't so sexy looking that it was intimidating. It was just right.

Seriously, though, my preferred type of guy has brains, isn't obsessed with his looks but grooms well, and is just enough out-going to enjoy goofing off and enjoying life after having serious discussions about current events or a great theological debate!

These men seem to be in short supply.

Turning the tables a bit, I have noticed that *I* seem to attract a certain type of guy. So I guess we all are somebody's type!

[pure potential]

mmm... Men. I love 'em! ;)

I'm attracted to the following traits: Tall, good listener, great Thinker, athletic, adventurous, golden heart, brilliant mind, compassionate and open minded. Nature and music appreciation is pretty big for me too. I also love a strong (but gentle) Man that can handle his business and keep it fair.

If they make me laugh and can keep my mind stimulated, they are on the road to securing my heart for sure!

[raz1337]

Raz1337,

Your description makes me think of INFJ (possibly INFP too). Both are quite rare types.

Personally speaking as an INFJ, I am getting more confident with age and getting more comfortable with myself - before that I used to be very shy.
Confident but shy.
Friendly but distant.
Outgoing but private.
Independent but looking for reassurance.
Direct/honest but diplomatic.
Logical/analytical but gentle/kind.
... lots of contradictions here, that's me - LOL

I often 'feel' a connection with people. Sometimes complete strangers are drawn to me somehow. If they are not acting too familiar, and they come across as friendly and interesting to talk to, then I totally enjoy this experience, it's like I have found "a kindred spirit"... However, I'm pretty sure that wasn't me in the department store - I never wear spots ;-)

If you are indeed connecting with a particular MBTI type, you would have to describe 'her' in a little more detail though... just thought it might help to tell you more about my type, and you can do some more research on your own - see if it fits with what you are observing/experiencing.

< Background - I have a deep, unspoken connection with an ISTJ at my workplace. I am at a loss how to describe it. Still trying to figure it out myself. Tell me more about breaking through ISTJ defences... although I think they are already down, but neither is taking the next step here. It is mind-boggling. Talking to him is awesome, I do not want to put that at risk, it is good the way it is now.>

It's interesting you bring up an ISTJ that you have an unspoken connection with. There's a girl that I work with that I'm trying to figure out the type of. When I saw her when I first started working there, she caught my attention just by looking at her, and she wasn't the kind of girl that would normally catch my eye. As time went by, we just became friends so naturally. We didn't even try, and it seemed like we understood each other.

She's always playful, but in her own cute little way. She switches over to serious mode in an instant when she has to do something, and I can tell which mood she is in. She's obsessed with literature, as she reads a lot, like a new book a day. She was telling me she took 5 literature classes in college once, passed them all, and only regretted it because she couldn't fully enjoy it. She comes off as fragile, but will defend herself to no end if someone crosses her.

I'm really leaning toward INFP for her. I wouldn't be surprised with INFJ. INFP seems more plausible as she's one of the managers that is more flexible. She has little patience for people who ask questions at work that they could answer themselves. I worked with her all morning yesterday, and it was mind-boggling having her near me. It's like I can feel something that just makes me want to constantly be near her. Yeah, it's painful working with someone like that. She's 10 years older than me and has a boyfriend. If I could find someone like her, but my age, I would be the happiest guy.

[Tablelamp]

I'm always on the look-out for the crazy women...
Not the normal type of crazy though, rather the type that does her own thing regardless of what anyone says, who laughs in the face of normal when it acts dumb.
*laughs* I guess I'm a sucker for a challenge. :laugh:

[INTJwolfe]

Raz1337,

< Background - I have a deep, unspoken connection with an ISTJ at my workplace. >

Interesting about ISTJ-INTJ connections here. Both my parents are ISTJs and one of my current roommates is an ISTJ. I also have an ex-boyfriend who I believe was an ISTJ.

I don't know why, perhaps it's because I was raised by two of them, but I've always ended up having a few who hang around me. I don't mind it as long as they give me enough space and don't require me to hold all the same convictions about what people should do ect. They can be quite intelligent and their lack of ruthlessness (in general) is refreshing. However, it sickens me that (at times) it seems like they're running in "do something because you should do it." mode.

[Colette]

Seriously, though, my preferred type of guy has brains, isn't obsessed with his looks but grooms well, and is just enough out-going to enjoy goofing off and enjoying life after having serious discussions about current events or a great theological debate!

Hmm...I think we may well be occupying the same hunting ground here cj - watch out, I give no quarter to my adversaries in this area!

Turning the tables a bit, I have noticed that *I* seem to attract a certain type of guy. So I guess we all are somebody's type!

Oh me too. In my case it's bad-tempered, misogynistic control freaks. They swarm in my direction like bees to a honeypot, and then prove to be wasps with a nasty sting and a refusal to die after leaving their horrible mark on me ;)

[raz1337]

There's a girl I work with that I think is INTJ. She's 6 years older than me. She's so distant and evasive. I know I find myself liking NFJ's a lot, but there's something about NT girls that piques my interest. I think it's their mysterious nature. NFJ's are just so charming! It renders me powerless.

[ElstonGunn]

there's something about NT girls that piques my interest. I think it's their mysterious nature.

Do you lose interest when you get to know them better?

[hullolife]

I don't know if this sounds completely egotistical...but perhaps someone could relate.

When a guy gets to know me and likes me it's like I'm "that" girl... and then he will always bother me even after I have affirmed that I don't like him that way

i have a truckload of these specimens!!

[SimplyOtter]

I loved the OP. The way you described what you felt and how you saw her, it was really nice, very deep.
That speaks about two IN communicating.... there's a huge sense of relief, in my experience, when two IN find each other.
Something I am quite sure of; the connection you felt, she probably has experienced it just in the same way.

good luck :)

[Motor Jax]

my ESTP g/f is enough for me... :)

[Terian]

I'm into the kind of girl that is smart, quick, and different- a puzzle that never ceases to intrigue.

Of course, my vanity also seeks cute long-haired blonds in addition to the aforementioned traits, but there you have it.

[OrrDavey]

Even INTJ women compare their ideal men to celebrities? Really?

"My perfect mate is the stupid ditzyness of Kirsten Dunst, the ass of Heidi Klum and the elbows of Jennifer Aniston!"

Doesn't that seem kind of ridiculous? These aren't even real people. I am not trying to offend anyone, but aren't you above that?

[ElstonGunn]

I don't know if this sounds completely egotistical...but perhaps someone could relate.

When a guy gets to know me and likes me it's like I'm "that" girl... and then he will always bother me even after I have affirmed that I don't like him that way

i have a truckload of these specimens!!

You're physically attractive, so of course that's how it would work for you. I don't know if it's egotistical. I think that's just how things tend to be. Ask yourself if a starving person wants to stand in the bread line. Not that I blame you in the least, honestly.

[raz1337]

Do you lose interest when you get to know them better?

I'll let you know when I've actually gotten to know the two NT girls in my life.

The one I work with, I find myself looking over at her all the time. She notices it, and I go over and try to spark a conversation with her all the time. I've gotten to know a little about her, but like I said, she's distant. For an S, trying to keep up with her in a conversation is feat in itself. The other night, I was talking to her, and she said, "did you pull that word out of your thesaurus again?" I said, "nah, but a girl in my department jokes around about me having a pocket thesaurus." She said back to me, "I don't need one of those, I have a thesaurus in my head."

[NephilimAzrael]

A desirable partner: The NephilimAzrael Attraction log.
Qualities I admire.

1. Specific: Green, grey or Blue eyes. I am attracted to cold/penetrating staring eyes.

2. Intelligence: A partner with a wealth of intelligence is a given requirement.

3. Confidence: She ought to be assertive, well held and respects herself.

4. Devout loyalty: To her friends, family and interests - not just me. She ought to be committed to something.

5. Spatial awareness: I am not kidding but ditsy girls just mess with my head.

6. Sex drive: Not a nymphomaniac or a prude, a balance would be desired.

7. Better communication skills: Not to the point of arrogance, but that she understands me even when I don't communicate efficiently

8. F&J Functions: If she has a strong F, but the ability to judge the input info from the environment, it would assist greatly in conjunction with Number 7. I would run into fewer obstacles that way.

I'm assuming I am looking for a stable INFJ.